Maxiega

One more thought from a military wife. OIFSGT relax. You are trying to work on things that should be done in person. It's great that you are doing your research now but it's hard to have these kinds of conversations on a chat or public phone especially while you are deployed. I have personally been married to the Army for 19 years and to be honest hubby and I have been a part almost as much as we have been together. Of course you are feeling a little insecure your what seems like a million miles from home and your best friend. Plus after being around the military as long as I have, I can more than understand that insecurity. Keep your lines of communication open. I know when my husband was in Iraq it was one long year. I also know that unless you have a cell phone trying to have a private conversation over there is like trying to take a shower in the middle of a shopping mall. It's pretty tough. The on-line date is a good idea provided you can get to an area where you can have some privacy. Just keep in mind that nothing over there is private. I can tell you of an instance where one of the wives got a little adventerous on line and another soldier was looking over his shoulder. Needless to say it caused problems in the unit which eventually ran down to the families. It got out that she was pretty sleezy. Which wasn't the case, they were young and in love and didn't realize that they had an audience. After that incident there was a lot of changes in our unit as to how the computers could be used. Remember these computers are not private, neither are any conversations coming out of the country. As for toys one or two might help her pass the time until you get back home to her. As someone else suggested, start out with a bullet or one of the small vibe's. Trust me her just hearing your voice and knowing your okay is more stimulation than she needs when you are so far away. You will be home soon and then you can put use all of Howards wonderful advice. I've been reading for awhile here and he is one smart cookie. Maxiega Proud Army Spouse

Gabby, I completely understand what you are going through. I'm new to the board, but I'm not new to being an Army wife. My husband just got from Iraq last September. He is a Combat Engineer, and unfortunately he did see a lot of action. He has talked about it a little but tends to clam up if things get to hard for him. I don't know what your hubby does in the military, but I'm willing to bet he saw more than he is telling you about. I have been married 19 years so this is not our first combat tour. However, it is the first tour that he came back a totally different person. I don't know what is so much worse about this conflict but it is the worst I have seen as far as the soldiers coming back different. I was a family readiness group leader and I can't tell you how many wives called saying they didn't know their husband's anymore. I think Howard hit it on the head. Your husband has to get intrigated back into the civilan world. Trust me your problems go much further and are much deeper rooted than you sex life. I read your posts and I felt like I was watching my life in a movie. We don't have children, so that makes it a little easier. I don't know when he got back but give him time. This is a very difficult time for both of you. I know what it's like waiting for that phone call, and because I was the senior wife, I had to go to the homes of the family's that got that "phone call". Needless to say it was very long year. If your husband won't get help, you join a support group. Most wives suffer from as mush Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as the soldiers do. They are just starting to reconize it. You are not the only who is having problems. Even though we have since left that unit, I still keep in touch with most of the wives and I'm seeing more and more problems crop upas the time goes by. I really can't give you any tips for sex life because mine is worse than you can imagine. One of the reasons I found this place. But as a military wife I would be willing to help anyway I can. Hang in there, the man that you fell in love with and married is in there somewhere, you just have to find him again. Good Luck. God Bless, Maxie