jaxxy

Well I don't know about the rest of you but I am still extremely upset about the whole thing and I dont know that I can take it any more!!! (We ARE talking about the Seattle Mariner's poor season arent we?)..... er nevermind then

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!" (rimshot inserted here)

WOMAN'S POEM Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. MAN'S POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But somehow, I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again, I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will aways have a limp. Moral to this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.

A guy is 80 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!" The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride and make passionate love to you every night." He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog." With age comes wisdom.

I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking. Scared the shit out of me. So that's it! After today, no more reading.

A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar, which reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50 HAND JOB: $100.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers. "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the old biker, "are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The old biker replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation". Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?" She replied, "Your horse called."

Three thumbs up !! woops that's not a thumb!

Thats awesome Tyger, Anyone with cat(s) and dogs can definately relate! Good one.

THIS IS QUITE REMARKABLE, PLEASE DON'T CHEAT! In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of Fruits on it. They are: A. Apple B. Banana C. Strawberry D. Peach E. Orange Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you! Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN If you have chosen: A. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples B. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries D. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches E. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound shit!

MENOPAUSE JEWELRY. . . My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond! The dumbass. . .

I concur with most that it was the content more than the pics that I found disgusting. On the other hand, would'nt one pic of that monster have done the job? If it was'nt so many and the lude content, I would'nt have found it offensive. His title: "Naked in my studio" would have been perfectly ok. Just my opinion. Also, I agree with Mikayla that a "hardcore" picture section apart from the main forum is a great idea for those whose taste is a bit on the harder side. One more thing, Dirtyblonde. I did'nt (as you well know) find your pictures offensive in any way. They left plenty for the imagination... and mine has been rampant! LOL

The DreamTeam: GingerJ, DirtyBlonde, Mikayla, Chloegirl, and there is something about that Synirr.... So that's my 5 lady Dreamteam. Mikayla will run point and control the action. GingerJ can score with the best of them. DirtyBlonde, lets face it, she's the best at taking it to the "Rack" Chloegirl, once she's warmed up, can dominate. Synirr is our defensive (show) stopper! And can trashtalk too... get into their heads a bit. I dont think a coach is needed, Mikayla can be player/coach. If we need someone to cum off the bench, and no disrespect intended, Thorsnymph will blend right in and give it all she's got! And by the way Nymph, that pic of you by the tree I never got to comment on. That was professional quality! The quality of the picture and the model. Ive no doubt that that would have been accepted by any magazine you chose to send it to.

I think I just threw-up a little

Dirtyblonde had definately got to join you girls. And Mikayla, an all girls party is fine.. just share the video Thanks in advance LOL Jax

Very well said Synirr. And what a comeback he had for you.... he thinks you are a jerk?? I didnt know this was 3rd grade. btw Rob, when are you going to take those pics of Gene's down? Take care all

This is damned near believable for that man!

This one's easy.... Jessica Rabbit..... ttthhhhaaatts all folks!

Great Story!... Or was it JUST a story? Well done

Boy I sure hope this link works. Take that telemarketers! http://youtube.com/watch?v=un_PjRXV5l8

That's awesome, I'll have to tell that one LOL

Sure it stays in vegas but you tell about it here

Whats the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a cold blooded, mudsucking bottomdweller.... and the other is a fish!

Actually if his Father was an idiot and a moron, wouldnt his father be Bush??