damien

You're absolutely right, maybe you misread what I wrote. No biggie. I tried to refer to passing at it from time to time, but being passive in direct contact - 95% of the time. And I constantly refered to varying up your movements and not just doing the same thing over and over in HOPES of her getting there. This was what I perceived to be more of what he was looking for - a more descript view of ideas to add to a situation where his opportunities were limited and trying to add to what he does to peak her interest to want it more and more. And trust me, I only wanna help when I can. I took no offense. Maybe just a little more clarification put here, but it was getting long enough as it was........ Besides, each person is truly different in what gets them there. Communication, as it is CONSTANTLY referred to on here, is SO important. Too often I've heard about physical relationships being a big cause for problems because the couple doesn't talk about it, discussing what does and does not feel good, what works and what doesn't. Maybe instead of referring to "reading a book", maybe say "you may as well be trying to solving calculus problems"? Books can sometimes be interesting and exciting..... I just hope any contributions I give on here are absolutely helpful for anyone, as well as they may be for me when/if I ask opinions. Have a good one! Damien

As an additional thought, to switching, whether it be "that night/scene" or just as a "flavor of change". Be wary of a Dom to sub actions, with what they call "Topping from the bottom". And to some degree, Mikayla, it is true that a sub partially controls the scene with safe or code words. But, a sub is (as i was trained: sub) that you don't have that control over the scene. You (HOPEFULLY) had already discussed any potential limitations, safe/code words and most importantly how important the trust factor is while living or playing/participating in the roles. As well as, you've put your faith (or someone has put their faith/trust) in the Dom to control the role and monitoring anything that could be detrimental to the scene and to fix it before it gets out of control in a negative way. To me, Topping from the bottom is a sign of disrespect (while in role), as it is not your choice, nor responsibility to attempt to dictate what is taking place. And yes, my wife and I switch from time to time, but it is SO seldom that we do. She enjoys being the Dominate role, as I am comfortable in the sub role. But, prior to her, I lived the Dom role with my ex. She was clearly more of a sub and I understood what it meant to take that responsibility. Anyways, like M said, it's not a 24/7 lifestyle role for me and my wife - just another thing we do to keep the spice in our sex life. Damien

Ok. Yea me for I am new and wanted to take a few moments to post on this topic. I get the sense that you were looking for additional tips to add to what you already do, rather than encouragement for the action itself. This as with anything else, the first point to make, is that everyone is different and any ideaologies and tips on matters like this are subjective and/or objective and may or may not work for your partner. Or, for what it's worth, even for you. You have to have comfortability and a feeling of confidence in what you're doing, or it just simply won't work. [Essential]-- Make sure you have the time to spend, kids asleep, kitchen/dinner cleaned up, whatever. Nothing that you'll have to get frustrated over afterwards that you have to jump up and go take care of! So......ONWARD! 1. As it's been stated in the forums over and over and over again, it is SO essential that you give her "calming". She has to be 1000% relaxed before anything will ever work!! In a case where I have the goal of doing this for my wife and want it to be something of a focal point; something that I want to do SPECIFICALLY for her, is starting with a simple massage. -- Not a day goes by in this fast paced world, whether she is a stay-at-home-24/7-overworked-mother-and-wife or someone that is an office worker that stress doesn't build up during the day. This can begin the (as I call it) "calming"..... Of course, this all seems so simple, but as I've had conversations of this before, it's always overlooked or passed over because of the focus on what you REALLY want to do, rather than the WHOLE PACKAGE! Start here..... -- And to note, there are SEVERAL good massage lotions available locally or online that are not too oily/greasy/etc. Maybe I'm not well versed here, but one that seems to work in my case is the K-Y massage oil (locally), a little goes a long way - use it sparingly and re-use as needed. 2. TALK TO HER! Maybe say to her "you don't have to respond, just enjoy". Tell her how much you care about her, that's she beautiful, that she's appreciated, etc....the key to this is MEAN IT. I say, just let it flow naturally as you speak to her about what you feel. Don't rehearse it! It will be too mechanical and you'll be more inclined to trip over words and supposed "connected thoughts" that you were piecing together. Just let it flow naturally.... But, don't gab too much, just relax and pay attention to her.... That's the main thing, right? (Say it with me) Right....... 3. Techniques of Contention: (a thought to think) Don't just throw away what you are comfortable with, try modifying or adding to what you do. Being as close to natural and focusing on her will make it work better. (a). One of the things that I learned is, and most have either said on here or would agree with is - don't just go after her clit or deep inside her*. You can't dive in and just run amok! You kinda have to sneak up on it a little bit, if you will. *The irony here is that there are more nerve endings outside than inside. (. Don't expect her to instantly flow like the nile cuz you've gotten this far. It's what has been stated on here as "build up" and "relaxation". It helps you, and most importantly - helps your wife. 4. The Tips: HANDS FIRST! (a). Take a few moments to lightly touch/glide all around with your fingers from top to bottom. Again, with the build up. Heightening her nerve endings/receptors to touch. While doing so, you can place light kisses on her inner thighs. Make note that you may not necessarily want to touch or pleasure her more sensative spots YET! (. Next, don't ignore the hood! Put some light attention here and no direct stimulation to the clit itself. Because stimulating the hood is (what I believe) to be essential to the rest to come....ok, ha ha ha - joke over, but let's move on! With the clitoral hood, massage it back and forth and a little side to side. Again, no direct stimuli to the clit itself. LET'S ADD A LITTLE TO IT. ©. Begin with the outer labia, kissing lightly and working your way around sensually. After all, this is from my perspective, more erotic and exotic to what what you may or may not have done in the past and still very calming and enjoyable. (d). As you eventually move inward, use your lips and tongue (oh and yeah, don't stop using your hands now! maybe start giving her breasts/nipples a little light attention.) between the outer and inner labia. Working your way up and down and sides. Also making sure you still give the hood attention. A little clitoral stimulation (saying hello) can start, just don't make it your complete focal point yet. But, don't necessarily ignore it now. The hood and the stem are key in pleasure now, while beginning to use your tongue and lips. Always monitor her reactions! Always, always, always!! (e). Ahh, a DO NOT section! Do not maintain the same direction and action for way too long, there are tons of nerve endings that need attention too. It gives variation and stimulation. I guess for lack of a better way of saying it - it's like taking a medication for far too long, you build up a tolerance to it and it isn't working the same as it did in the beginning. Also, do not ignore her breasts, a little stimulation here might help as well. (at least for my wife it's a fast build when I caress and tease her nipples!).... TIME TO FOCUS! (f). Giving the clit it's just attentions and rewards.... As you now move here, start with slower circular patterns, don't press too hard - let it build.. Don't stay in the same direction for too too long - variation and stimulation, remember? Continue going over the hood & stem, not always giving her clit direct pressures and stimulation, give it a little and go back to circular patterns around it. (g). Sway off... ever so often, as she's building, lick up and back down the stem and back to circ patterns. (h). Here it comes! With your top lip rested right at the top of the opening, mouth completely AROUND her clit (not on it), still licking and starting to quicken the pace - use your upper lip/mouth to gently push down and up (not removing your mouth from being attached around her clitoris). This action exposes her clit, as the area starts to fully engorge with blood, sensation and pleasure. Just as she about to go, add just a little suction and bring your lips in a little bit (almost like clamping/holding her exposes clit right where it is), faster circles don't change pace at this point, it's pretty much the done deal! (i). just as she is cumming, add just a little more suction (briefly/maybe 3-5 seconds, she may or may not try to pull away being too sensative and that's ok, back off a bit) and give her clit one last good direct lick. also, as a thought that has worked as well, lightly run your fingers down her side just as she's starting to cum (yeah, that almost tickle to goosebumps approach). Gives it a good full body tingle........ Eh, just a little something jotted down. I hope some of this helps as an addition to you (or anyone else) to what you already do. Never would I suggest something that would take you out of your comfort zone or confidence areas. Just a little something that I found works and works well. It's a cliff notes version, and albeit it's wordy, it's direct and may not take as much time to do this than it did for me to write this out..... If you don't agree, eh.... It's just my thoughts and a suggestion. Hope it was what you were looking for.... Best of luck to you, Learning. Hopefully, something out of this post is viable for you to use! Damien