Sin_Alas

Howard, I completely agree that those classes are useful and I know I have learned at least one new thing from every class I have taken. However, he's in an odd situation because most of the classes he has to take now are repeats of the ones he took at his old college - the transfer credits that he was supposed to get did not cover the classes (he transferred from a 3-year tech school to a 4-year university and the credit systems are really different). So he's taking stuff like psych 101, which both of us took in high school, and both had to re-take in college, in large lecture courses where the majority of the prof's attention is elsewhere because they think the students don't care (and most of them don't). And I know from experience - the teachers here are really not as great as the high school teachers I had, and they're rarely approachable until you get into a smaller class that isn't a requisite for all the freshmen. You sound like my father - well-educated in just about everything, although he learned it all himself, never went to college. He's taught me a lot of what I know, and my boyfriend's father and grandfather did the same thing for him, so he knows a lot outside of what the school requires, and it's a lot more helpful information than learning the theories of Sigmund Freud for the third time. No offense to you or your education - it's a very useful thing to have and seems to have served you well, but he's just not the type to sit patiently in lecture halls. That's why I think smaller, more focused classes will attract his attention better. It'll be mostly new material and the profs are more accessible. Aside from my boyfriend's academic issues, which are sorting themselves out, our sex life is still stop-and-go. He doesn't do the whole touching thing (accepting a lot of it from me, that is) so he won't take massages even days like today when he's sore. I'm working on him but he's probably never going to ask for one. *shrug* It's only monday, though, and we're both already tired as hell because we stayed up late as usual (we're never really tired till 2am or so) and I had to get up for class, and he got up with me. This tends to repeat throughout the week so that when we do get time together it's usually nap-time, since rest is a higher priority than sex to us. Four more weeks of school, though, and then after that crunch we should have plenty of free time and sex should get better again... I think it's just been a stressful winter, really... but I will keep your guys' advice in mind and definitely use some of those tactics They might spice things up a bit this spring!

Thanks for all the advice, guys I did talk to him a little and it ended in sex on the living room floor, so something must've gone well Howard, he definitely -is- bored with school, but I think that's because most of his classes this semester are liberal studies requirements and have little to do with his major (which he did just change, so he's on the right track). He feels like the school is holding him back, and when he gets through with this part of his class requirements and can move on to the specialized stuff he'll probably take it a lot more seriously. I know he's a hard worker when he's interested, I've seen him when he's working on his car, his bike or his nerf guns! I'm sure he can translate that into real-world working as soon as he is allowed to take the classes he's more interested in (the higher-level ones. Stupid pre-reqs mean he can't take the classes he needs and wants until he hits junior standing, which is a waste if you ask me). I'll keep working on things and we'll see where it goes

I came looking for advice, so let's hope I find it. I'm 21, female, living with fiance and wanting a better sex life (like most of us, haha). That's pretty much it. He was my first partner, too... so experience on my side is limited (he had 3 before me). Posted a bit around the forums before this, oops! I'm not new to forums at any rate, and can find my way around, I think... if I stay. (Not to say I won't like the people, but forums tend to come and go in my life as I feel the need for connections).

I can see where you're coming from, Toocan, and definitely there are people out there who are just in it to manipulate, but why would anyone be manipulative in a way that denied themselves pleasure? That I can't see unless they're really masochistic. I have been and still am insecure about my sexual performance especially because I have only had two partners and one was a one-night stand. I sometimes get very tense and lose my interest in sex as well especially when I feel like I have to perform in order to be pleasing to my partner. It isn't because of anything horrible in my past, but I am a perfectionist in all parts of my life and that goes for the bedroom as well. I am overcoming it but it takes time and patience, and someone who can take my hand and put it where it needs to be sometimes, so that I learn and feel like I'm doing the right thing. If this girl has a similar issue (to a much greater degree) then patience might overcome it. I'd try desensitization, since it's a lot easier for most people to wade into a new pool than cannonball in. If that doesn't work, maybe you need to rethink the relationship and whether you can spend your life with someone who can't fulfill you in one of the most basic ways. She might be better off as a lifelong friend than a lifelong partner.

I'm with whittibo pretty much. Vanilla (with toppings) is where we're stuck. I got my first vibrator from/with my fiance, who dragged me into a Spencer's (the ever-popular gag gift shop!) and pretty much on a whim he made me pick one of the brightly colored hard plastic vibrators they carry in their little collection of sex toys. He did it mostly because he thought it was cute to make me turn bright red in public (which I did), though, and we didn't use it much together because he admitted he was uncomfortable using toys - I think he's still a little insecure about his own abilities (which are pretty damn good). The only thing he still breaks out from that first foray into toys is the pair of black fuzzy handcuffs he ordered at my request. He'd had a few body paints and cheap flavored massage oils before that, from a past gf, but they'd rarely used them, and we stopped after a while too. Anyway, I was intrigued by the vibrator but it was awfully loud and not very comfortable for longer sessions, so I finally got the money and courage to get some more toys. First it was some warming massage oil and a DVD, which I actually bought in Mexico last summer (study abroad, he jokingly told me to bring him back porn, lol). That, again, only lasted a few sessions between us. So I finally went all-out and bought a g-spot vibrator and a nice, slick acrylic wand which has become my mystery toy of sorts. I am still awkward with it but I occasionally use it on myself and it's a fantastic choice for anywhere and any way. He still ignores the toys and oils but I am getting creative and having fun, while waiting for a chance to reintroduce him to the joys of playing.

My SO and I have been together for two years as of this coming June. Our relationship has had some rocky bits, mostly due to my bad decisions (but we won't get into that here). Overall, though, we've stuck together very well and the sex has been great from the very beginning... up until recently. So I'd like some advice on how I can put things together. Good luck reading all this. When we met it was just after high school graduation and we were already going to separate colleges, so I thought it'd just be a summer fling. It turned out long-distance just before we got serious, he was in Pittsburgh and I was an hour and a half (at least) away all week long. He drove up to see me about twice a month and after we started having sex (a few weeks after move-in, haha) we usually locked ourselves in the dorm room and fucked like rabbits. Then I moved in with him for a little while last summer, during a big move for both of us - I was moving out of the dorms, and he was moving out of his apartment and transferring to my college to be with me in the fall. The sex over the summer wasn't -as- great but we were both stressed with moving and cleaning, and he worked 60-hour weeks (sometimes less) so his energy was low. We still managed at least every other day, though, and got a good amount of variety. Well, now we're in the new apartment, together 24-7, and at first it was great and fantastic but then we had to find jobs and school started and it's all gone downhill. I'm in classes 20.5 hours a week and work 12/hrs a week including two late nights on the two busiest days. The first part of the week I'm usually too far gone to want sex when I get home, even though he's home all day most days (he has classes, but skips them frequently - another issue we're working on because it's not that he's dumb, just bored). He's always been open about masturbating and while he plays a lot when I'm around, he hasn't masturbated to orgasm in front of me for a long time - he just tells me that he's done it while I've been away. I'm ok with that, as long as he wants sex later... but now we're at the point that we have sex a few times a month, or slightly more. The problem is multi-faceted. He wants sex, but only rarely when I'm home or willing, mostly it's while I'm at school or at 2 or 3am when I've been home from work for a little while and am starting to think about bed, if my homework is done. Then he will spring this on me and I feel obligated to at least jerk him off so he doesn't feel neglected, although I don't feel satisfied at all with what I'm doing and I'm sure neither does he. When I want sex it's midafternoon or early evening when there's either no time (due to my class/work schedule) or he's distracted by online games, his latest hobby (modding Nerf guns), etc. He'll give in and tease when I come on to him, but hasn't actually fucked me when I've asked for a very long time. When he does, it's "letting me" and I know it because he just lays there and takes it from me, and it takes him longer to finish. Even worse, he'll tease when I feel like it, go lie down or join me on the bed, and then he'll just fall asleep, and he's a heavy sleeper. He's done it before, infrequently, and it causes me real frustration and pain. He says it's because he can feel comfortable with me, but I can't quite believe it. I feel like he's somehow less attracted to me now even though I don't know why or what I've done, and it's hurting us both because I'm frustrated and less likely to be open to sex at all considering his recent behavior. I don't want to tell him I want something if he's going to deny it over and over, even if it's just "accidentally" falling asleep. Who would want their hopes crushed every time? This is going to hurt our relationship if we don't get it worked out, but I don't know how to bring it up without him twisting it into an accusation against him, and either he'll turn it back at me from there, or I'll just guilt myself into thinking it's my fault (he has a gift for twisting arguments which I admire but in personal situations it can sting like hell). He goes noncommunicative any time I try to point out flaws, and I get so frustrated trying to get through and make him talk to me that eventually I just give up. I love him as a person and I really want this to work out well for both of us but it seems like we're making it tough for ourselves. Is there anything I can do to get him to listen to me, or to increase the chances that we'll both want sex at the same time, so we can enjoy each other again? Also: I'm shy about directly asking during sex, because I'm worried he'll take it as critcism, but I really want him to do things like hold me down, or tease me for long periods of time (when we have time), the way he used to when we were a new couple. Any tips for helping me gain the confidence to direct him better during sex, and get me off the top every once in a while? Thanks in advance, Vida Sin Alas