HornToad

Thank You ALL so much for your help. My wife seems to be having less and less of the spasam's. We will try your solutions if they should re-occur! HornToad

Well I will admit, I am, was, one of those guys that allowed porn to take me places I should have never been! I think for quite a few of us guys it becomes so desireable to see porn that it takes us away from all the things we should be doing! Like paying attention to our wife! It can create a situation where the guy will never be satisfied with "normal real sex" because he is expecting what is on the porn movies, which is totally un-real! He will demand more and more from his partner in trying to fulfill that desire to do what he see's, and will always feel unfulfilled because it is imposible to do what they stage for the movie. It took me to the next step, which was strip clubs. My then first wife said "it is ok for you to go" but in reality she felt rejected, less than, not good enough, and imposible to please her husband. Sad to say it played a major part in the demise of our 11+ year marriage and split our two children into two houses. It WAS my "wake up call" to bring me back to reality, (and back to Christianity, which is the only power that keeps me away from porn). I am not a prude. I think there are a few guys that do not get "taken in" by the lure of Porn. They are the ones that can take it or leave it. It is NOT all consuming. For me it is. I have to stay away from it. So for your BF I think you could help him by trying to decide if he would be someone taken in by the porn. Sounds to me like he is. You can not fix him. He has to want to change. But you can set down some rules. They can either save your relationship, or break it. Better to find out now, than wait 11+ years. You might have to stay away from porn around him also. (Just like an alcoholic. You can not drink around a recovering alcoholic.) I would say to him that you love him, but not the porn he is paying more attention too. That he needs to put you first over the porn. To stop watching it for a month just to "prove" it is not any real problem. I would not be surprised if you found him sneaking a peak without you knowing during that month. It is hard to break an adiction. For some, a true higher power! I hope this helps. He needs to make you FIRST in his life or show him the door! That's what love is all about, making sacrifices for the ONE we truly love. If he is at all like me, it will not get better, but worse. He needs boundries, rules, and then he will have to decide which is more important to him. A REAL LIVE woman is 100% better than ANY porn movie! He may have to be left for a time to figure that out. Or he may just hop to the next GF. That would be no loss to you, again, better now, than 11+ years from now! HornToad

My beautiful Wife not only knows that I pop in now and then on this board, she has found the favorite link on our server and poped in herself! At least her BJ's have improved 100% thanks to her reading Mikayla's article on How to deep throat. THANK YOU MIKAYLA! It IS so wonderful that she is willing to try and improve our sex life, (me too). It is making a huge diffrence in our marriage. I hope she reads all of the articles of intrest to her, and points out the ones I need to read! I only wish there were sites like this available when I was younger, and much dumber. I sure could have used the great advise / wisdom of all of you around here. I am surprised that it seems that there are not too many gentlemen around here though! I really enjoy seeing the feminine point of view in many of the threads. It helps my level of understanding. I hope more people find this great board! (Sorry I could not get the spell checker to work! This HornToad could never spell!) HornToad

I find that when I am lacking something from my wife, and if I get frustrated and angry over it, it does nothing to help the situation. I have found that if I can step aside from all of the thing "I" want, and start looking at how I can be a better husband, and look for ways to please my wife, then do those things for her. It changes everything! It IS selfish in a way. You DO end up getting more of what you wanted in the first place. But instead of being a pain in the neck to get what you want, being mad, withdrawn, I try giving to her what she wants, and needs, and I get great returns from her changed attitude and relationship as a result of MY actions of kindness and true love to her. My BEST tool ever in times of arguments and unballance is to pray to God a quick prayer before I open my big mouth and say something stupid. I ask God to help me with HIS wisdom on how to reslove the issue, and His wisdom and knowledge enters into the "fight" and this changes me, so then I can have Him help me, to understand and love her beyond my own abilities. This brings PEACE! Hey, He made sex, He knows how to restore that too! Your husband may be withdrawing from sex as he feels He is failing you in that area. You have allready let him know you are unhappy. Most of us guys would rather just withdraw to our caves than to deal with the problems outside! But if the "outside" becomes a friendly, loving place, we normaly like to come out and play! It is from that friendly loving place that you need to aproach him. To get to that place will take work on your part in showing him you care and want to please him. Not just in sexual ways, but in daily living. Then in hopefully a short time, he will want to please you, and will listen to your needs and change due to his desire to return the friendly loving kindness you have shown him. It seems backwards. To give love and kindness when it is not deserved. Yet when we do, we get it back just like we were demanding for it before. Try doing just what he asks, please him in ways He never thought of. See if he wont return the favor in time. If you become the best wife ever on planet earth and he remains a cave man stuck in his cave, who has benifited more from the experiance? You gain more Joy because of who you are, and have become. It rarely is not returned. Hope this helps HornToad

Ok, after 2 years of slow patient work, my wife is ENJOYING anal sex! She and I are both ENJOYING fantastic mutual orgasms from anal sex. This has been a great event in our 16 year marriage! (See my other post “anal-eze and how to lead your wife to enjoying anal sex). Here is the problem. My wife is experiencing occasional anal muscle cramps / spasms. She was asleep and had not had anal sex for 5 days and was woken up by intense pain in her rectum / anal sphincters from them clenching, tightening, or like muscle cramping. It IS just like a leg muscle cramp as the muscles tighten, and give pain, and will not loosen for a short time. (Like less than 1 – 3 minutes in duration). We have even been just walking around and she has had this happen to her were she has to stop, and grimace until it passes. This has happened like 1 to 2 times in the past week. Inserting a finger up her rectum and massaging inside it helps it pass and makes her feel much better, (me too if I get to do it) , but it is not easy to do this in public! (She won’t let me for some reason)! Her anus IS very tight while this is happening. It has never happened during our anal sex sessions. Could this be due to our increased weekly anal play? Is her body just getting use to the new intense orgasms she is recently experiencing from the anal sex? She has not been this active in YEARS! Orgasming once a month was more than enough for her in the past. Now it is once a week). Should we stop the anal sex? (We hope NOT!) She has said she HAS had these anal muscle cramps in the past, and does not want to stop having our anal sex. Could this be a serious problem though? She is a physically fit, drop dead gorgeous 49 year young blond buxom, best friend / wife, female, if that helps. (One of the few who LIKES anal sex too!) I cherish her too much to want to hurt her, or see her hurt, even if she does like the anal sex! Thank You all for your thoughts. HornToad

I started to answer a previous question about “Anal eze” and decided to expand on the answer to hopefully provide anyone interested in anal sex on how I was able to bring my wife into actually enjoying anal sex. When we were just beginning the adventure of back door play my wife and I tried anal eze. It will numb you down a bit so your anal sphincters have a better chance of relaxing, instead of contracting and clenching / closing up all the time. What I did to lessen the cost of buying anal eze was to find and read the key ingredients in anal eze. It was Benzocaine 10 – 20%. I found that most all the “anesthetic oral gel’s” on the market for gum and tooth pain relief had the same Benzocaine in them as Anal eze. So I bought the Rite Aid or Longs generic “oral gel” and mixed 1/2 to 1 full tube (1/2 oz tube) of oral gel in with like 2/3rds to 1 full tube of generic KY jelly in a Tupperware container. Then I would use this in LARGE amounts on her anus and inside to about 2 – 3” deep. This way her sphincter was slightly numbed and she could relax more, and get used to anal play. She could STILL feel PAIN if something hurt her. I knew that if she said it was anything more than “uncomfortable” to back way off as she was less sensitive due to the numbing effect of the benzocaine. Sometimes it would “sting” her on contact probably due to some type of small cut or hemorrhoid so we would stop all anal play. I would always wear a condom while using this home made “anal eze” so I would not get numbed too. (Condoms also prevented the urinary tract infections (UTI’s) I would get from any unprotected anal to penis contact. This does NOT mean I am saying for everyone to run out and make up some super strength home made anal eze potion and slather it on their partners so they can bang away!!! NOT AT ALL! I started out very slowly, finger first, then with the passing of a couple months, I would “single finger play” for 5 minutes then when she was totally relaxed, I would add a second finger, so she would have two fingers inside. After a few months of intermittently times of doing this, I finally tried full anal sex with her. Even then, sometimes I would only be able to just go in and sit still for a while, then have to stop as it was “too uncomfortable” for her. (She did not like anal play but would allow it infrequently to please me). After a year of this SLOW approach I was able to enjoy longer and longer sessions of infrequent anal sex. Then we stopped using ANY benzocaine or rubbers. I found that the bladder infections I used to get from anal sex without using a rubber could be eliminated and fully avoided / cured by taking D-mannose powder before and after anal sex. Most recently (Now probably 2 years into having anal sex once or twice a month as a treat), my wife began letting me have anal sex once a week! (Wahoo!) In the last two months SHE has COME to enjoy it as much as I do! (I hope and think she is about to even WANT it more than once a week!) Now SHE is having intense orgasms by lying on her back while having anal sex, (me lying on my side, at her side). She and I masturbating her vagina as it is accessible to touch and finger insertion due to the anal sex, vs. vaginal sex not getting in the way of easy access (to her vagina). This is no small event as my wife has only had 1 vaginal orgasm as a result of vaginal sex over 16 years of marriage. She gets her cookie when ever she wants it through asking me for oral, which I am more than happy to provide.. She has also in the last month started taking "Passion RX with Yohombie" and says that it has actually increased her desire for sex. So for those of you guys who want anal sex the key is: Lots of communication, patience, slow small steps, more patience, never forceful, building trust, being trust worthy, giving lots of love and romance in between times of sex. Giving HER the romance she desires to a point that she will allow you to play with her ass in a return favor, not bantering and talking her into allowing it. I think it takes a committed balanced marriage for someone to trust the other that much to allow that type of vulnerability and intimacy. Take it S-L-O-W! (Tons of lube too). I think I read a survey that said only like 46% of the women out there have ever even tried anal sex. Like something around 16% went on to enjoying it. Lets improve on helping our women ENJOY anal sex. Take your time, enjoy the ride, hope this helps. HornToad

If you want to play in the back yard, I would sugjest you take a very long time getting into it! With so much focus on Anal play now days everyone thinks you can just jam it in there and she will thank you for it, and enjoy it. WRONG! As others said, IT TAKES TIME! You have to go very slowly, communication, and trust are your keys to the back yard! If your S.O. can not trust you to stop, and be very careful, she will never relax and never enjoy it. It took nearly 2 years of intermitent play with my wife to bring her to the trust level and relaxed level that she is at today. She now not only ALLOWS weekly anal sex, but enjoys it, and is able to orgasm through it. Now it is more about HER getting off that way than ME! Which is a dream come true. Mutual enjoyment is the peak of the mountian top for both of us! So you have to go SLOW! She WILL feel very uncomfortable at first with anything in there. It takes a very special woman to allow it, and even a more special one to enjoy it! good luck HornToad

Hello All I wanted to give an update to this post. It has been near a month since I started this thread and the Passion RX with Yohombie made by Dr. Ray Saherlian IS working! My wife ENJOYS and DESIRES sex at least once a week now. What is even more amazing is that she is enjoying anal sex! That is when she is able to obtain her orgasm. She has never gotten the big O from vaginal sex, only when I go down on her, (Orally, when EVER she asks me to, I am more than willing! ) So for her to obtain this BIG Orgasm while having anal sex is a huge PLUS for both of us. The fact that SHE wants it, is even a bigger plus! I suggested changing from the Passion RX with yohombie and trying something else and she said “NO WAY, I like the way that stuff is making me feel! “ So to those who are trying to increase libido you might want to give Passion RX a try. My wife is going to try increasing to 1 & ½ casuals per day, 2 days on and 2 days off, to see if it helps even more!!! HornToad

Sorry Howard4570 My refrence to "spanish Fly" was only meant as a joke. I want something that would LEGALLY, SAFELY, increase my wifes libido, over time, for a long time. No intention of saying I wanted something to knock my wife out for sex. I HAVE heard of those types of DRUGS and would never use them. My wife and I were looking for advise on products that are prescribed or over the counter type medications that people have used and found to actually work. Like the refrence to Avlimil, but something that would continue to work for a longer time than one month. I figure if no one here has found anything, than it is no use looking! HornToad

Thank You all for the great replies! I guess there really is no such thing as a safe legal “Spanish fly” out there on the market. That is good to know so I can stop looking for such a thing that is not in existence yet. I guess if they ever do come up with something that increases a womans libido it will be as big of news as Viagra was when it first came out. Please let me know if someone HAS heard of a product that works. I will continue to “work” on the mental, emotional, and loving part of the relationship, as I always have. HornToad

Hello I am married to a FANTASTIC wife. Our biggest problem is that I am a “HornToad” and she is NOT! I have reviewed many of the threads here trying to see if anyone addressed this issue. I found the article MISMATCHED MOTIVATIONS: but it did not discuss the potential of all the stuff that is available on the intranet to help “Low Libido for women”. Have any of the wonderful people on this forum found something that works to improve the libido for women? (Libido = the desire to have sex. Hopefully Frequent sex!) My wife has been to the doctor and has been on Testosterone cream. The doctor keeps increasing the dose to the point of my wife becoming “worse than Menstrual” in attitude. She became “her evil sister” until the dosage was brought back down so we know she is at a level that she can not go any higher. The doctor is stumped as He said she should have responded to this by now. I have searched the intranet but there is so much out there to choose from. And even some of the “reviews” on such “Libido increasers” are bogus and made up. One product looked “real” so she is trying “Passion rx with Yohimbe” made by “Dr. Ray Saherlian”. This has actually brought her desire UP TO “almost interested once per week”. She and I would like to see more like 3 times per week. I do not pressure her. She is a great sport in trying, and she wants to have increased desire, and sex also. We both know this would benefit our marriage and intimacy greatly if she could get her MoJo back. She is 49 and on an “anti aging regime”, with me from the same doctor that is prescribing the testosterone cream. She also takes “Trans-D Tropin cream for HGH, and vitamins, PLENTY of exercise, only 20 pounds over target weight, in FANTASTIC shape, and feels GREAT! The same doctor has ME on Testosterone cream also due to my being at the bottom of “normal range” which has made me even MORE a “HornToad” than I was. But the doctor says it will help my heart, and help me loose fat, and gain muscle mass so I am putting up with the INCREASED sexual desire! Has ANYONE tried something that actually does work? One HORNTOAD! Or is that HORNYtoad?

Hello All I am NEW to this forum and very happy I stumbled on to it! I have really enjoyed reading quite a few of the threads. It is SO informative to actually get information about such “touchy” subjects from REAL people out there! Thank You ALL for sharing so candidly, and truthfully, on intimate subjects. I am gaining quite an education that I hope to bring to my wife to better our relationship with. I am a Male, 49, married for 16 years now. We have 4, out of the house children between my wife and I. HornToad