bobo

Thank you for your replies. I really do appreciate it. There must be something wrong with me. I want DH to think ONLY of me that way. I don't want him lusting after other women, even if it's only in picutres. It just makes me feel like he's thinking about the other women and then I'm there for him to have sex with. It's not good enough for me. I want him to be turned on by ONLY me and then have sex with me - not be turned on by THEM and then have sex with me. Does that make sense? It just makes me feel used, like he can't have them so I'm the next best thing since I'm physically there. When we got married, I took my vows seriously. I'm not sure exactly where in the Bible it says this, but I read somewhere that if a man is lusting after a woman with his eyes, it still counts as cheating. After I found out what he was doing, I researched the internet to find ways to improve our sex lives, even wearing sexy lingerie from Victoria's Secret and getting all dolled up beforehand. I even read an article here on how to give good oral sex. I tried numerous ways to be more adventurous and such. But the more I tried, the more I resented him for making me feel like this. I can't talk with anyone IRL. To other people looking in from the outside, they think we have the perfect, fairytale marriage. But on the inside, I just want to scream how could he do this to me! I've never looked at another man lustfully. I even turned guys down whenever they would ask me out for coffee (when I was still in college). One guy even gave me a bouquet of flowers after class one day, and I told him that I was married. I tried to turn down taking the flowers, but I took them home and threw them in the trash. I told my DH about it, and he got really jealous. So what makes it right that he can be jealous about other guys finding me attractive and I can't feel this way about him? When he's lusting after other women's pictures, he's doing the same thing. I guess I live by the rule do unto others as you would have done unto you. I would never lust after other guys, nor look at pictures of naked me. And that's what I expect from my DH. He was the first person I've ever dated (I was planning on being a nun when I was younger), and we didn't even have sex until the day after we got married. Anyway, I appreciate all of your responses, but I cannot accept the fact that he lusted after other women. It's just wrong anyway I look at it. And I know I shouldn't judge him, Lord knows I'm not perfect. But there are some things that I cannot ...I will not... put up with. I'm just trying to figure out how I am going to deal with this. I don't want a divorce, as I still love him with all my heart. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. I need to find a way to get over this, and I so want to turn back time to the way it was before I found out. Like the old saying goes...Ignorance IS bliss. And I wish I was ignorant right now. How can I look at him the same way now? Whenever we have sex, I'm wondering if he's looking at the other women and getting turned on and that's why he's having sex with me.

I've posted here before, but it's been months. I was the one who found out that her DH has been looking at risque pictures of women online. Anyway... I don't know how I can trust him anymore. I don't know what to do. He works from home and when I'm not there, I'm always wondering if he's looking at women online. People say that I should be glad that he's just looking, but c'mon... Why do I have to put up with DH's roaming eyes? Isn't it when you're married, part of the vow is to forsake all others? So if he's looking, he's already broken that. Right now, we're ttc with help of doctors, and it's not even my fault that we can't get pg. But then maybe that's a blessing in disguise? It just hurts me so much that I'm going through all the medical procedures and it's not even my fault and then for him to have roaming eyes, it just hurts me to my very core. Sure, you're probably thinking that I'm being a prude or being overly dramatic. But I am not the type to look the other way and forget about it. Maybe I just have an old fashioned idea of what marriage is. And I don't think I can change my views. Please anyone...any words of wisdom to help me get over it so that I can look at him with my trusting heart again? PS. You're probably why I'm posting in this forum. But after I found out that DH has roaming eyes, I looked up on the internet as to how to be more sexual so that he won't have the roaming eyes. And this is one of the sites that came up on my research. And now I can't even the stomach the idea of sex with DH. I'm really disgusted and lost respect for him as what I think a husband should be - a man who is totally devoted to his wife and wouldn't want to hurt her. And with his case of roaming eyes, he's not totally devoted to me and it has hurt me so deeply.

Thanks for your answers.

Is the free stuff really free? Are there shipping charges? Also, why do ya'll give away free stuff? Just wondering...Thanks!

Wow. Thanks for all of your replies. We both grew up in the religious deep south, and sex or anything sexual with a person other than you're married to is from the devil. My DH and I were each other's firsts in everything. Heck, we were virgins when we got married. What really bugs me is the lying. We've looked at sexual things together, whenever those pop ups come up. And after 14 years of marriage, we bought our first sexual positions book online last week. Never would we go into a local bookstore and look at those (we'd be too embarassed). I really just wanted my DH to be upfront with me. If he's turned on, I want to know about it. And I want to get turned on too. So why not get me in the mood too? I've always been open and honest with him about everything. He even knows about this board, and we both read it together sometimes, especially about the sex education posts. Ya'll have so much more "experience" than I do. We don't have any toys, but I did buy a sex dice and sex game online. We have a store here called Spencers and they have sex stuff, but it's way in the back. Sometimes, we would stroll back there and take a quick peek using our peripheral vision. But then, we go back to the front of the store and leave. I'm trying to learn more sexual techniques, and I learned how to give my DH BJ's from ya'll. Actually, I've been giving him BJ's but only as foreplay. And I get really embarassed when he goes down on me. He tells me that he loves doing that, but I don't let him do that often because I'm so embarassed by it. I'm always looking for ways to keep the spice in our marriage. And now that I know what he's into, I want to be that for him. We had a really big discussion, and I think we worked it out. He said that he won't lie to me anymore; and I believe him. I HAVE to believe him. It's not that I'm threatened by those women, it's the fact of his lying to me that got me all upset. And by reading some of your posts above, I can see it from another point of view. He probably felt like he was cornered and his survival instinct kicked in - but I can't recall a time in the past that I've ever gave him that impression. I don't know. But thank ya'll so much for responding. Taylor

Not sure where I should post this, so please re-direct me if I'm in the wrong forum. I recently found out that my DH had signed up to be a member of a forum that has risque pics of women. It's not so much that I mind, but that he didn't tell me. When I confronted him, he lied and told me that he had to sign up for that forum for the contests (DH is into sci-fi and enters contests). Granted, that's ok. But when I asked him if he clicked on the sub-forum called "Babes" he denied it. But after a long discussion, he finally admitted to browsing through the pics. Again, I have no prob. It's the lying that hurts me. So after much discussion, he told me that he did get sexually turned on, but it was not because of the women but because of the poses. He said that he wasn't attracted to the women, just turned on in general. Oh another thing, I asked him how often he's been visiting that particular forum, and he said just once when he signed up. I find that hard to believe. If he'll lie to me about looking at those pics, I think he'd lied to me about how many times he's visited that forum. So I told him that his account said that his last visit was back in December, and he seemed baffled. He kept telling me that he's only signed in once back when he joined in Oct. 2006. Anyway I really don't know. Oh it gets better. When we both go to that site together and try to sign in, he has trouble remembering the passoword. But how can that be since it said that his last sign in was Dec. 18, 2007. Anyway, he requested for a new password and finally got in. I dont know if it's all for show or anything. He did admit to me several things during our discussion: 1. After much denial of ever visiting that particular board with the risque pics of women, he finally admitted it. But he only said he visited it once since Oct. 2006. But his account said that his last login was Dec. 2007. 2. He did get sexually turned on, but that was it. He said he had no attraction toward the women. Just turned on in general (by the poses, I guess). 3. He said that he denied everything because he was afraid that I might think he was attracted to those women. He's also afraid that I'll leave him (according to him, that's his biggest fear). 4. He also said that he felt guilty for looking at those pics because why would he need to since he's got a wife. 5. He said that in the process of entering his contests, some of the sites re-direct him to some porn sites. He said that he did look, but you had to pay which he didn't. I told him that my prob is all the lies, even when directly asked. I told him that I don't mind him looking at those pics and getting turned on. Hey, I want to be turned on too. So I told him that he could've told me about them and had me look at them too. BTW, we've been married 14 years (no children), and I thought there were no secrets. But I was wrong. Any advice? TIA!