vanilla_bean

Welcome!!!

army knife

I will try to respond to this. It's kind of weird for me to go back to that place and I had to think about how I even got there. Bear with me for some background. With the perspective of time, I can see that a lot of little things built up. My self-esteem had taken some hits and I bought into believeing that sex is for the young and beautiful. I was also really invested in being my version of "supermom". This didn't leave a lot of room for feeling very much like a sexual being. My lack of enthusiasm brought about frustration and even anger in my husband. The more angry he got, the more distance I wanted between us. Sex became a kind of power struggle. A major turning point was when he expressed to me that this was causing him actual pain. He really put his heart on the table and I really listened. Causing him pain was not acceptable to me. I loved him but all this "stuff" had gotten in the way. One of the first things that I had to do was accept that I was desirable in a sexual way. Maybe it's hard to understand for some people, but that was hard for me to do. I thought it was a ridiculous idea, but I had to let myself be seen that way. I still struggle with this from time to time. (Will I look silly in this lingerie? Do white thigh highs make my legs look chunky?) I also had to stop being so uptight about what sex was and what sex was for. I came to think of sex as being FUN! That was something I had forgotten years ago. Now I am able to laugh in the bedroom. We almost always say after sex, "That was fun!" Toys, fantasies, even some porn are now welcome and enjoyed. Hormones may have played a role too. That isn't easy to measure, but like a lot of women here, my sex drive suddenly went through the roof. Others have said, and I agree, it was like a switch going off or a flood gate opening. OK, this was a lot of chatter. To summarize, I guess I had to realize the toll that my attitude was taking and see that it wasn't right. Then I had to start the scary process of seeing myself sexual again. It seemed like such a risk at the time, but I hate to think of where I would be now if this change hadn't happened. If there is any question that I can answer, I will try.

Sunday, I remember kind of feeling like your wife does. It used to be that the only time my husband would get affectionate was when he wanted sex and, as a result, I would get tense whenever he touched me at all. I was resentful that a whole day would go by with no affection and then, when I was ready to crash from exhaustion, he would come on to me. (This doesn't exactly sound like your situation, but I'll just blabber on in just I say something that gives you some insight). We talked about it and he said, well, I didn't start off wanting sex, but once I started touching you..... We are in such a different place now. Anytime he touches me now I think, "Oh good. I hope this leads to sex!" A lot of things happened to change my situation. I had to rework my whole attitude toward sex and it's place in my marriage. It used to be sort of a giving in or giving it up activity. Now it's a fun and intimate activity that I share with my husband and I completely participate in it with him. My marriage and, honestly, my whole life is better as a result. Hope I've said something to help. Good luck!

Not so much TPBM enjoys the quiet times

(or) not

I have never done karaoke and the world thanks me. Hope you have fun!

Welcome!! Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Very, very true TPBM gets mesmorized by lil librarian's little signature movie

True - I have incredibly vivid dreams TPBM has a date tonight

bride

You better keep this thread updated because I will be glued to it! Best of luck and have fun! (And the mom in me has to remind you to be careful)

Foiled again!

Oh just be quiet!!! Unless you want to help some of us thaw out.

opener

I think they might be fun, but I have no experience with them.

Check again. You've grown.

North! North! North!

What have I been telling you!!!

I hadn't heard that she'd been offered money to do porn. I don't really see how this would be a money maker. Who would want to see a seemingly unstable mother of 14 in porn. She also seem reviled by a large number of people. I haven't seen a lot of porn, but this doesn't seem to add up to a blockbuster to me.

I am definitely sick of winter TPBM Needs a neck massage

Anytime! TPBM has a sweet tooth.

Korn, I think this would be way more complicated than what you need right now.

I did not realize that's what profile views was! Interesting...

Hot husband is sick and, I know it's wrong, but I'm just feeling sorry for myself!