Well my wonderful husband will be coming home soon! I am so excited and scared at the same time, is that even possible?
My problem is that I am fat. I know I am fat. I'm not the Jessica Alba that he drools over. Or the Hott music video girl. I'm just a woman who struggles everyday to just be me. I don't like what I see staring back at me in the mirror. I am a person who struggles with diabetes and weight and to very ill mannered little boys who I would die for. I feel bad cause in these past 8 months my husband has been gone, I haven't likes being a mom much. My little baby boy Aaron has turned out to be the Anti Christ. Wow who saw that coming. I sure as hell didn't.
My husband tells me I'm sexy all the time. He hasn't seen me in 8 months and he has beefed up and I'm still me FAT house wife with a shitty little daycare and a travel business going no place fast. I want to be the woman he wants. But as I struggle with who I am I can't be that person. It is easy being sexy for him on the computer but when he gets home and I bare all to him. I'm gonna be that scared woman that walks really fast past mirrors so she doesn't have to see her own self naked.
I know he is my husband and I love him soooo fing much it hurts. I have prayed to god for a good man and he sent me one along with the life I dreamed of as a little girl. I was married once before and that devil tore me down so much that 6 years later I still hear those words echo in my head. Your not good enough. God you have gotten so fat. Why in the hell are u wearing that.
I guess thats why I hide behind big t shirts and jeans. My husband likes skirts shorts ones at that.
I promised myself I will open up to him. And I gonna. It's just gonna take allot of understanding on his part. I hope he is up for this challenged cause lord know I am. I want a good relationship. He is my bes friend and at one point in time thats all he had become. Lot a lover or a husband but just my best friend. Now he will be my lover and my husband. And most important just there for me.
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