starshine

Jeremy and Steph: You two are wonderful! It must be so great to have such comfortable open conversation and ability to trust in one another. Jeremy, I assure you that you will like it if you give it a chance. The penetration doesn't have to be very far either - according to my husband anyhow. There is simply that one spot just inside and forward toward his front. If the orgasm is timed just right, there is no pain - only pleasure beyond belief. Again, I am quoting my husband. He loves it and I try to do this as often as he lets me especially after a long day of work when he is too tired for anything else. He swears the release of energy as well as the tension from his day at work just melts away and allows him the best night's sleep. He must be telling the truth because after a night of that, he is out like a light and barely even rolls over until the alarm goes off the next morning. LadyPC: As for the long nails, there are some things called finger cots. You can find them at most office supply stores. It is like a condom for your fingers that allows you to easily sift through pages without having to use the goopy stuff in the plastic case. I can't remember the name of it. Wrap your nail with cotton ball or gauze to blunt the nail. Once you have the cotton ball and/or gauze on your finger place the cot over your finger. Any lube safe for latex will work well. This way you can try it and be safe at the same time. Just make sure your nail is wrapped well enough to keep it from harming your man. I hope this helps. BTW Steph, you were right - Jeremy's post on the other topic was terrific. Now I have some tips to share with hubby. SS

Steph: That may be the issue there within itself. He may fear if he likes it then subconscously or unsubconsciously he thinks he may be gay especially if he is one of those "man's man" types. In my opinion, and many medical psych reports back this up, many men are uncomfortable around gay men out of fear. It is simply a fear of not being comfortable with their own sexuality. My own husband is one of those homophobic men and he can't stand, though he always remains polite, to my gay male friends. I love gay men. I am at ease with them and we can talk like you would with a best girlfriend but at the same time, they can also be a best friend to a man with nothing sexual in the air. That is where many straight men have a problem. They can't seem to separate the bedroom and outside life from one another when it comes to homosexuality. Now what I really don't understand is how men such as these have absolutely NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER with seeing two women together. In fact, they even dream of it, wish for it, and beg for it. Go figure. Maybe there is an answer out there on the women's mentality of wondering what is going through the men's brains on that one. I actually have a few lesbian friends too and I don't feel uncomfortable around them. MOF, I was flattered once when one came out and told me she thought I was beautiful even though I liked men instead of women. Perhaps simply talking about it and giving him some time will peak his interest and he will come around, pun intended. It's a shame he doesn't want to even try because from what input I get from my hubby, it provides one of the best mind-blowing orgasms he gets from me. SS

I know I have mentioned this before but here I am mentioning it again. Timing is everything. Being a female myself, I speak from experience so listen up. If I'm not at that point of almost delirium, it doesn't work but if I am on the verge of losing control, going in the "backdoor" drives me up the wall and down it again. The biggest turn on is to remember that foreplay doesn't begin in the bedroom. It actually ends there. Flirt all day. Start at breakfast and work your way through the day, the afternoon, the evening, and if you have kids - into the night until after they are asleep. I have done my own research on the subject and having witnessed it firsthand, I can say that children actually feel more at ease and happy when they have parents that flirt with one another. It adds to their sense of security because mommy and daddy are openly showing affection for one another so if they are doing that, then they are still in love and if they are still in love, the family unit is still together and all is right with the world. Personally, I am not big on oral sex on myself when it comes to tongue but... that being said, my husband has the most amazing fingers, hands, mouth, and five o'clock shadow of any man I have ever had sex with. Just brushing his cheeks against my inner thigh, rubbing his hands - calluses and all - all over my inner thighs, lower back, between my legs, and across my upper buttocks on the backside and then occasionally taking those warm kisses to the back of my neck and around my earlobes just drives me crazy. I know he wants to please me orally as much I as do him but this is what does it for me. The occasional slip in the backside at the right moment puts me over the edge. Honestly, I think the reason all this is such a turn on is because he is not a touchy-feely person publically yet when we are alone together, he loves to cuddle and has perfect roaming hands, lips, cheeks, chin, and yes - even his tongue is great. Lastly, if we are sitting or laying together just right, he can use just his thumb to stimulate my clitoris and that alone can bring me to a climax especially if some time has passed since we have been together sexually. I've also noticed that since I began shaving more in the public area, not bare yet, but definitely thinly trim, I get more sensation from his touch. The five o'clock shadow isn't painful from the stubble. It is simply erotic for me but then again I have always loved men who shave regularly but get that five o'clock shadow long before five o'clock. Just my two cents worth. SS

KnightDJ: Thank you for the advice, company, and the number. I am quite sure my hubby's doctor would not agree with Viagra or any similar drug because he has mild tachy, borderline high blood pressure, and has juvenile diabetes. It would be nice for him to keep erect for an extended period of time. I do have a story to share from about a week ago. We had the bedroom to ourselves, the girls where either gone or asleep - I can't remember right off hand but I know it was late. He and I took a nap together earlier in the day so we would be rested later. Anyhow, I began oral on him and literally made him wait. Each time he would attempt at a climax I stopped him. This went on for what he swears was unbearable but delightful hours upon hours when in reality it was only about an hour and a half to two hours. Anyhow, I would stop him and he would start playing this game with me. By the time I finally "allowed" him to go, he said he felt like his brain was going to explode along with his genitals. I felt similarly simply by the energy I felt from his body. It was more one-sided for him but I have to admit it was one of the best nights we have had together in a very long time. The poor man was exhausted for days afterward and didn't have sex on the brain not even once during that recovery time. I loved it! I know I ought to be ashamed of myself of putting him through that agony but I absolutely loved it. He did too and openly admitted it. We did find one cock ring that works well but I wish I could find the one with the clit stimulator. The one I found has two handles on the sides that make it easier to put on and take off. Other than the quickie this morning, we haven't had a night like that but it was great and according to his crew leaders, he has been in a great mood all day. <grin> SS

I found a great bargain on a queen size air mattress online at walmart. Here is the link: http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.gsp...duct_id=2145523 It is an Ozark queen-sized velour mattress. Here are the details: It was 19.82 dollars but is not $17.96. Inflated dimensions: 80"L x 60"W x 8-3/4"H Fabric flocked top and PVC sides and bottom Waterproof fabric and PVC materials Adjust firmness by adding or releasing air Wave-beam mattress construction for comfort Conventional mattress size Large exhaust valve for quick deflating Inflates with various electric and manual pumps (sold separately) 600-pound capacity Hope this helps someone and saves a little money in the process. SS

Another update: I made another trip to the little shop in town. I was not able to go with my mother because she had other obligations that could not be put off. My uncle took me and was not upset when I asked if he minded remaining in the van while I went inside alone. There were so many different items to choose from but the cost was a major factor too. I did find a rather slim vibrator with a g-spot turn on the end with nibs. It is waterproof too. I asked the employee, who is an older gentleman but quite kind and informative, if it would work in our spa. He assured me that as long as it had waterproof on it, it would indeed work in the spa. I decided on that, a set of the orgasm balls, and some warming lotion, which I was out of at home. The orgasm balls were a bit of a disappointment. Since my hysterectomy, I find that I am shorter inside and they do not fit well. MOF, they are somewhat painful so I had to put them in a drawer toward the back probably never to see the light of day again. I wish now I had opted for the Ben Wa ones since they were smaller but I felt they would be entirely too small. It seems since my cervix is gone, that reduced size as far as depth. Not a problem since hubby has more girth than length. Anyhow, I haven't shown him the vibrator yet since there hasn't been time but we have used the massage warming oils. We both love those types of lotions. The heated feeling not only heats us but it also seems to work well on my joints, especially hip and pelvic area. This morning I showed my husband my navel piercing. He may have already been aware of it, MOF I am certain since he got a little irritated at a man who was oogling my tummy the other weekend after I wore a cute half shirt with jeans out when we went to town shopping. It was a little payback for his constantly making remarks regarding beautiful women he sees walking by. He knows this annoys me. Not many men are open enough to flirt with a women that happens to have a 70 to 80 pound guide dog at their side. To make a long story short, we had a long discussion regarding what happened and he now knows how much his comments hurt my feelings and they have stopped altogether at least when he is with me. What he talks about with the "boys" is entirely up to him and he is free to oogle all he wants as long as he remains faithful but I simply do not want to hear it. It's hard enough to imagine yourself sexy and desirable when you can't see yourself in the mirror. All I know of my body now is what I am told and what I can feel. I know my weight is down and my tummy is flatter than it has been in many years. This is only because my teen is a bit jealous of my tummy being flatter than her own and she is nearly 18. I'm 35. Yesterday I finally got the go ahead to try some light jogging from my doctor. He knows I walk extensively when I am able but try not to push it because my joints are so bad. As long as I wait two weeks or until this cold bug is gone and I take care to tape my knee and ankles before going out, he said I could do light jogging but nothing too strenuous. I also cannot do the full mile I am walking. If I jog, it has to be in quarter to half mile intervals with plenty of stretching beforehand. If there is no pain and my orthopod doesn't have a problem, I can continue that pace and that distance. Everything else has to remain in water. They still won't budge on the hip or knee replacement yet. Hubby is concerned with my jogging. I told him I promised my doc to only do so with my guide dog or a sighted person, always have my cell phone with me, and only do so when I know for certain someone is home to call that can come get me should I fall or get hurt or pull something. I'm making progress. I've toned about as much as possible in the spa. I've always been an active person, broken bones and all but now I have to be extra careful. I hope the added exercise of jogging will strengthen other mucles and make our bedroom experience better. My guide is very good at fast walking and slow walking but I will have to teach him to jog with me since his number one goal is guiding. He will need to learn to guide in a jog speed. He can do it though. He is a smart rascal. As soon as we get time without kids, I want to bring out the vibrator and have a go with it. It's small enough to use for both of us and not just in a vaginal area. It will work as well on him as me, according to the man at the shop. He has given me some great advice too. The size can in no way whatsoever intimidate hubby either. <grin> Thanks for all the information and help. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all your ideas and encouragement. Many on the chronic pain list I run are beyond where I am now as far as sex goes. Their sexual relationships are almost nonexistent because they are at the area where broken and fractured joints play a major factor. As long as hubby and I keep it slow and calm, it shouldn't be a problem for at least another year or so, possibly a little longer I hope. I am planning to speak at length with my orthopod at my next visit to see if he can give advice in this area too. My appointment is coming up soon so hopefully I can get answers sooner rather than later. Each appointment is somewhat staggered. I see my regular doc who takes care of most of my lupus checkups. I also see the rheumatologist if there is a problem my regular doctor cannot handle. Then I see the orthopod for checks on my knee and hip progress. Then I see another doc for any issues that my regular doc can't handle regarding my immune system. They all speak frequently and keep excellent notes. SS PS: Forgive the length of the post. I had a lot to catch up on. Now I am trying to recoup from this dreadful cold. My girls were sick and my doc thinks I have caught what they had.

The open communication with this man is a major plus in the relationship. I am so happy for you. I hope it works out well. My fingers are crossed for you and am wishing you the best. SS

Flyboy: I have a few questions for you if you don't mind my asking. I had a similar problem after the birth of my last child. I'm female so I can kind of give you the female side of things and hope it helps. 1. Is your wife breast feeding the baby? If so, this is taking a lot out of her physically and emotionally. 2. Does she show any signs of depression, sadness, etc... is this your first child? If some of this holds true, she may be simply going through what is called post-partum depression. It is very difficult on a woman. There are fears of whether or not you will be a great mother, will you give all you can to the child, then the sheer exhaustion of caring for the baby/house/other children/diapering/etc...... A lot goes with being a first time mom. Then, there is always the fear of getting pregnant. Unless she is breast feeding, it is very very easy to get pregnant right now. I have a sister-in-law with three kids back to back all with birthdays give or take two weeks under to over a year from one another. She had a baby and wham got pregnant, had the next, wham got pregnant. She swore if my brother looked at her wrong she would get pregnant. LOL! After the second pregnancy, the family even started thinking it was true. If you want to really help, help out with baby chores. Get a sitter. Get a grandma to take the baby for a night, evening, weekend. Don't expect much for starters because the mom is literally wiped out emotionally, mentally, and physically. If post partum has anything to do with the problems it runs even deeper. Ask to go with her to her ob checkups. Ask to speak with her doctor. More may be going on than either of you realize. Don't feel too bad. My poor husband spent a large part of my last pregnancy caring for himself because I was on bedrest, medically ordered, and nearly lost our child a few times before she was born. Even afterward there were a few complications but with caring for an infant and me the only one with breasts that produced food, it was tiring for me. The last thing I wanted was sex. We made it through and so will you two. You need to find the root of the problem and those problems may take time to get through to find out which it is. One thing I can recommmend.... Make sure you tell her how much you love her and how beautiful she is to you. Most women feel especially vulnerable and unattractive at this time of their lives. That lucious pre-pregnant figure is gone, you seem to be up all hours of the day and night and you simply do not feel sexy or beautiful or loved. In closing, take a look at yourself too. Make sure that you are not experiencing baby envy. It affects most new fathers too. There is a subconscious jealousy of the child because the child is getting all the attention. That fades with time especially when you are able to provide more of the child care duties and start to feel just as important. At four months, the baby is still really attached to mom and it is especially true if she is nursing intead of using bottles. Give it time and speak to a doctor. You'll get there. Just don't push the point to causing any resentment. On a final note, regardless of whether your wife gave birth naturally or had c-section, she is going to be sore. It could be a fear of having painful sex. I had gone through two perineal cuts and had tearing with both kids (natural childbirth) so yes, it was painful and even now all these years later the scarring can get a little sensitive and sore. IT may simply be a fear factor for her too. Her body has changed drastically over the past year. The changes didn't take place overnight and they won't be resolved overnight either. I hope this helps. My kids are now almost 18 and 8 years respectively. It has only been within the last year or so that my own sexual lifei with my husband has improved. We have done the soccer mom, dance classes, PTA, plays, chorus, etc.... until there was no time for either of us and add to that my own personal health illnesses coming into the picture and it has been no picnic. We are working our way back to where we were before. It's working and I'm glad. Small steps and you'll get there. SS

This conversation reminds me of something my ex-mother-in-law used to (and still does) say. She said that too much sex "hurts a woman" "is not good for a woman", etc.... She is from the dark ages. I think and believe personally that we each should get as much as we can stand as long as we are in a loving relationship where there is mutual respect and love. Sex is not a dirty word. It is something that is so enjoyable it goes beyond words. During the times I think back to hearing that old woman's idea of sex, I almost feel sorry for her and the women of her day. Geez think of what they missed out on? I'm surprised divorce rates were not higher back then than they are now. I am very glad to live in a society where a woman can be as seductive and instigate sex with her husband or significant other and it be a normal healthy thing. It is a great stress reliever and it has been proven that having sex during pregnancy, with exception of complicated pregnancies, makes labor and delivery easier on the woman. Time are changing, albeit slowly, but finally women are seen as sexual prowess as much as men and men are learning that we as women have needs to be met too. It's getting better and better. Personally, I'm ready to take a quick nap myself. Hubby had to run out to the shop this morning but he took a couple of hours of private mom/dad time without kids bothering us and it has certainly changed the mood of the entire day. As for the finger nail question, yes do keep them neatly trimmed and if they are longer, use the area where say your finger print is at to massage that area so you don't cause any perforations or cuts. My nails stay very short because I am an avid writer and computer user. If we have a function that requires long nails and fancy dresses, I visit the nail salon a day or two prior to get the acrylics and then they are removed soon after the dinner or charity function. SS

update: I found the nicest little cock ring at the adult store today along with the lubication with a nice taste to it. The ring for him has the little handles on the edges so it makes it easier for him or I to put it on or take it off. It is very tactilely made. I appreciate this part immensely. Anyhow, even though he was tired, it tripped his trigger that I was thinking enough about him to stop into the local shop looking something for us. He has no problem at all with my mother going with me next visit to find a vibrator. (Mom has more experience in that area than I and she also lives with a joint disease as well as several surgeries for ovarian/cervical/uterine polyps, etc...) Hubby did bring up one comment during our discussion and that related to his fear that I might prefer the vibrator to time with him. I replied with a simple but loving, "that's not going to happen because I expect you (him) to help me figure out how to work the thing." He actually laughed and it was one of the most wonderful, sexy, softest laughs I have heard from him in a while now. He did enjoy the ring I got with the handles on it for ease of removal but when I mentioned getting one with the clitoris addition, he suggested I not go overboard in the toy department. I assured him it would not happen while adding that I am looking something he and I both can enjoy together. This set his mind at ease and we had yet another wonderful evening together after the kids went to bed. Now I find that perhaps my initial fears were unfounded. We talk a lot but with two kids, the house, my guide dog, etc... there was less and less time for some one on one. I felt even better in the last few days because he noticed I am wearing many of the clothes I wore when we began dating. Having two kids and having doctors strictly forbid any exercise outside of water PT makes losing weight difficult but after a year or so, I can now fit nicely into some of my older clothes including lingerie. We are still working on positioning and so far that is going well. I know from his sensitive side that it would nearly destroy him if he knew our love-making had anything to do with cracking a hip or other joint so between thet two of us, we somehow manage to slow down when the timing gets heated to the point of my not caring what happens to my joints as long as we both get that so-much needed sexual tension relief. I'm also taking time to read up on positions for those of us with chronic illnesses. I'm so glad he and I can speak openly. There are far too many couples that do not share our openness. Perhaps it has as much to with our being friends first or just being open and frank with each other.

there are varying degrees of blindness. My blindness is based on degrees of peripheral vision but my central vision is affected too. My central is toast basically. The peripheral vision is at around 5 degrees. In order to drive in the state in which I live one has to have at least 60 degrees or better. As you can see, I can't drive and haven't for over 10 years. The one aspect of my marriage I have always loved is the fact my hubby and I can talk to one another but, being a man and never having dealt personally with blindness or joint disease, it leaves somewhat of a gap. We are and have worked different positions and it does help somewhat. The difficult part is nights when I absolutely cannot function at all. This is usually during a long day or a lupus flare. We are at a point where we want something a little more exciting than simple massages, while they feel great, we have simply grown as a couple. After over a decade together marriage and nearly two decades together total, it's time for more growth or at least I believe so anyhow. Today I bit the bullet and discussed vibrators with my mother. She has spent extended time between husbands and boyfriends so she had a lot to offer. I found a local shop yesterday. It was rather interesting. My uncle took me to a local tattoo parlor where I got my first navel piercing. I had my tattoo done there two years ago. It still looks great. Anywho, there is an adult shop next door and it is very reputable and clean. I found a few small items for trying so that takes care of some things. Mom and I will probably head back to the store in question next week. Maybe we can find something for both my hubby I to enjoy together as well as something I can use for my own personal pleasure for when he isn't home or is too tired to play. The OT at work is killing our night hours. Work and kids fill up day hours except on weekends. I guess what I am looking is something that can keep my marriage as healthy as possible in all departments but expecially in the bedroom because of my health issues as they are much worse and more advanced than his own. He does well in making sure I am not hurting or if I develop a kink or muscle spasm he is quick to massage it out for me. He really is a teddy bear. For as much as he does for me, I want to return the favor as often and as pleasurable as possible. My blindness and joint disease makes this somewhat difficult at times. To give you an idea of how well I see, anything beyond an inch or two is completely out of focus. Beyond that, I see shadows but not clear shapes. My peripheral or side vision: top, bottom, side, and side, is completely gone. I rely on my other senses almost all the time. As for the joint issue, yes I have cracked my hip joint a couple of times since the onset of the disease. One particular time my physician believes could possibly have come from getting a little too rough in the bedroom. I didn't dare tell my hubby or he would have been afraid to touch me afterward. I'm quick to let him know if I am I uncomfortable or if a position doesn't work but a fractured joint would send him over the edge. You see, he is a fixer and unfortunately with these diseases and the stages of these diseases, there are no cures nor definite meds to slow the progress. I work with what I have and make the best of it. Hey, it could be worse. I'm thankful it isn't but it could be much much worse. SS SS

Thanks for the input. I have very coarse hair in the pubic area too. That was one of my biggest problems. I have found I have to shave daily or at least every other day to stay smooth too. I tried the Epilady for a bit on my legs but it was horrid. That was during the early days after it first came out which might explain why. Maybe it has improved since then. So far, the results using the Coochie Cream is working okay but it has the consistency of hair conditioner and it even says it can be used as conditioner for hair on the head right on the bottle. I have noticed since I have used it several times now that it isn't as painful as the first time, the outgrowth and shaving itself so there must be something to the idea of consistent use. I'll keep trying it. A few days ago I learned there is a day spa not too far from where I live and there is a big possibility they do the bikini line wax. I'm planning to find out and definitely will give it a go and then try your suggestion as soon as the waxing gets the area smooth. I do have a question though, do you know if Secret deodorant would work as well as Dove? I am highly allergic to several different deodorant brands and even ended up in the ER once after using one I had no idea I was allergic to until after I began to itch, swell, and my throat began closing on me. Since then on doctor's advice, I have stayed with Secret - same type each time in order to avoid another ER visit. Fortunately for me it was from use under my arms. I've been an MT (medical transcriptionist) for a very large hospital ER so you can imagine some of the cases I've come across in my time. I'm simply leary of trying anything out of the ordinary for fear of allergies. I do use vitamin E oils and keep Aloe Vera plants in my home for burns, to prevent scarring on cuts and such, etc.... That would't be a problem at all to get hold of since it is right in my kitchen. Thanks again for the info. It's helpful and hopefully I can get some great results for hubby. SS

Sounds like it was a great night regardless! I have a feeling the two of you have many more great nights coming up in the future - figuratively speaking that is. Practice will get you there and hey, the important part is you're having fun getting there. Five hours? I would love, I am absolutely LOVE five hours with my hubby. Starshine

This was something I mentioned through a PM but since many wondered the same, I thought I would post it here too. Try getting one of those travel mattresses like they advertise on television. They are great. Get the electric air pump though. Use it and then simply slide it under your bed when not using it. You can put a fitted sheet on each side so the entire mattress is covered. I do recommend thought putting the velvety side to down instead of up. This prevents messes on the velvet side. Oils and such won't hurt the mattress because it is mostly a plastic type polymer. The oils will keep it from cracking over time. One piece of advice, get a double or queen size. The twin size is too small. I think they are sold at Pennys and Sears now too. Check out the camping section. It can also serve as a spare mattress if you have company or if you have kids, it's great for sleepovers. Just be sure to wash the mattress down well with soap and water first. Starshine

I would like some more information on these as well. I ordered one of the velcro ones because 1) I wanted to surprise my husband and 2) I wasn't exactly sure of the fit. It is the one that is adjustable. Anyhow, he loved the sensation but it didn't seem to have any effect on how long he lasted. MOF, he popped much sooner than usual. I'm thinking this had to be because it was something new but still, I was disappointed. I realize we are not teenagers but geez, we aren't old people either. We are more middle-age (35-42). I was sadly disappointed with what I got. I would appreciate it too if someone had any ideas to share on types, sizes, etc.... Could it have possibly been technique? I was really hoping this was going to help make our time together last longer. Nnypan, I share your frustration. While my hubby and I do flirt and tease throughout the day, I would like more foreplay in the bedroom. Our problem seems to always be timing. He works long hours, we have kids, and each of us have health issues. I would love for us to spend one night - a full night - simply staying up all night enjoying each other without one or the other dropping from sheer exhaustion from the day's job/activities/etc.. Maybe I should talk to his doctor about safety in a Viagra spiked caffeinated Jolt soda or something. Starshine