Kama
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Posts posted by Kama
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1 hour ago, tiedupnaked33 said:
So he is going without ha ha!
I guess so. I am taking a break from posting. I will be back later.
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On 6/14/2017 at 3:24 PM, tiedupnaked33 said:
Right here darling!
Thanks. I forgot I wrote that. That was from my Indian ex in college, who I blocked out haha.
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I need to do a late night vent.
I am lucky that I am around good people, who have the common sense to not do mean things or step on my boundaries. In the past, I found it confusing and humorous when people would say "stand up for yourself more. It's your fault that you allow people to treat you badly." When you do speak up , you're still criticized by the same person who told you to stand up for yourself. I think people, who shame you for standing up for yourself, want to push you back down. Or, they want to mess with your head.
As I write this, I am surrounded by some lovely people and am grateful for what I have now.
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Thanks, rob! I will pm you and explain why I would like some stuff deleted, and I would be open to hearing your feedback
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People are very nice and respectful, and I found some nuggets of wisdom in my older threads.
I know I made a previous topic on asking how to delete stuff, but it's cool to also look back and be like "wow, that person's intuition was spot on."
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I am not sure how normal it is to look over your old topics and feel embarrassed, hehe.
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Can I email the mods requesting deletion?
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Or is that against the rules.
I feel very triggered when I read my old posts and the responses to them. I felt like there was a lot of inaccurate information. If the mods feel like threads have to be put up, I understand.
i went and edited a lot of my posts.
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I want to delete mine too.
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47 minutes ago, Crazy Cat said:
I am going to chime in here. I agree with RC. That only you can claim your sexual orientation.
I am a child sex abuse survivor. I am married to a man. But the female body is a beauty to be beheld in its own right in my mind.
The act of enjoying penetration or oral has no determining factor to being straight/gay/bi. And I think the therapist was off the mark here. There is no rule if you like this, than it determines you are that.
Enjoy what you enjoy and be happy. forget the labels.
You're kind of like me.
Thanks for sharing and I am sorry that you endured trauma. Best wishes to you!
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Thanks rc! I think that clarifies my question on what's gay or not.
well, not all therapists are sex therapists right? I know it might be hard to not bring your own biases to session. this current therapist specialized in body image and self-esteem, which she was great at. Every person has their strengths and weaknesses.
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On 2/24/2012 at 8:20 PM, ReadyToMoveOn said:
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...
For example..
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters the kitchen, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. "Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say 'hello'?"
Hahaha that made my day!
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On 3/6/2017 at 6:29 AM, RC4BLUE said:
There are too many people (therapist included) that do not have a good understanding of sexual orientation. Most people fall somewhere on the spectrum from completely hetero to completely homo sexual, and everywhere inbetween. Orientation is what you claim/ feel/believe is right for you. I know lesbian women who have attractions to men. I know gay men who have attractions to women. They do not call themselves bisexual. I know straight people who hookup with same gendered people from time to time and they would never say they are gay or bisexual. We each claim our sexuality and can shape it to what is best for each of us.
Right. There are grey areas. Calling myself a lesbian doesn't feel right to me.
I should add that the therapist thought I was gay, because of the fact that penetration wasn't my favorite act. I only discussed this, due to needing a professional opinion on sexual preferences. She said, "I sometimes wonder if it's bc it's a man. Half of my sexually abused clients are gay." I have discussed this before on this forum that my favorite sex act is giving blowjobs. To me, I still don't understand how I can be gay when an act involving a man turns me on the most. Second, I don't think it's fair to assume that child sexual abuse makes you gay.
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On 5/10/2016 at 7:29 PM, RC4BLUE said:
Sexuality is not an either or for most. Sexuality changes over a lifetime. People identify as straight, gay, bi, pan, and many more. Is bi real, yes! So is every other orientation. I have been very fortunate. I have always been secure and knowledgeable of my sexuality. I am aware of my overwhelming attraction to women while being comfortable with my attraction to a few men. I know I could not be in a relationship with a man, but I could be playful with very particular man who fits my attraction profile. Having said this it has been many any many years since I have been in a position to be sexual with a man. I do find that there have been opportunities to flirt and that can be fun. Still my overwhelming preference is women.
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Hi all,
i was curious for opinions. A former therapist told me, "just because you enjoy getting intimate with men doesn't mean you can't be gay. My client identifies as a lesbian, and she hooks up with guys."
I disagree with this. I have a hard time believing that I am gay, if I feel attracted to men. I told this therapist that I have had sex with men and women. I told her that I like men more, which led her to make her comments. She also said, "you will know when you're gay or straight, depending on who you fall in love with." Um, I know what I am?
I did go through a phase where I was exploring my sexual orientation in my 20's. I found out that I liked men more.
What is your definition of a gay woman? Am I missing something here? I thought being a lesbian meant that you prefer to have sex and romantic relationships with women
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I decided to delete it.
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On March 18, 2016 at 8:55 PM, Tyger said:
I had 3 friends offer to set me up. I've only taken up one person (the first one actually) on it. Yeah, didn't go well.
Though friends have good intentions, even though they're friends with the person that they're trying to set you up with, they don't truly know that friend and how they are with a romantic interest. Friends and SO's are a bit different dynamic.
Yes! I do find that the so-called "great guy" that everyone loves isn't that way in relationships. You never know what happens behind closed doors.
Friends aren't there to witness the intimate moments that you share. My favorite dating partners weren't the most social guys in public, but they were really sweet and affectionate in private.
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On 3/18/2016 at 2:19 PM, RC4BLUE said:
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On 3/18/2016 at 7:46 PM, Tyger said:
I think that that life coach you had should have any license that she has revoked!!! No life coach would encourage someone that had been sexually and/or emotionally abused to stay in any sort of abusive relationship. And and sort of guidance of "Just let go, it's you not him" is NOT ever acceptable in that kind of situation IMHO. And I don't see how any of that helped heal you sexually.
Diving in and having a relationship, just for the sake of having one to try and move past any sort of past issue or abuse is NOT the way to do it, and that woman is a shithead for it!!
OK, done with the rant, now to get to the topic. Telling someone that you may just have the Friends With Benefits relationship to more of a "I really want a true relationship with you" is a tricky thing. I've had 3 of the FWB things. All knowingly and willingly going into it as FWB's. The first one was the most complex, in that he and I were friends for 14 yrs prior. I was starting to fall in love with him, and I knew it. He never said anything to the kind of wanting anything more than the situation we were in, so I started dating. I was the one to make the step to remove myself from that. Never once did we ever agree that we were exclusive as far as seeing other people. Sleeping with others was an understood no-no though. I never did tell him of my feelings because I've known him too long, and I knew that a relationship between the 2 of us would never work out in the end. It was a very bad recipe for disaster, and I think we both actually know that.
The last 2 I've had, I went in telling them I wasn't looking for anything serious, not to expect anything else, and don't bug me with texts or calls.
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On 3/16/2016 at 2:27 PM, RC4BLUE said:
Ah yes, people can be very sexual sure to past abuse. That is not uncommon. Just as it is not uncommon to be less sexual. That is were a good coach or therapist needs to not make assumptions and ask good caring questions. It sounds like she may have been operating out of her own prejudices. Now you know better. That is a wonderful thing. Knowing what you need and how to be respected is great. I always suggest people interview their therapist/coaches before going forward with that person. Make sure there is a good fit between you and him/her. The best person for anyone is the person who can be empathic, caring, compassionate and challenging in a positive and healthy way.
Trust yourself. You are the best judge of what you need and who will work best with you and for you.
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On 3/9/2016 at 4:03 PM, RC4BLUE said:
I think there are some producers of porn that degrad, but show me any place in life that women are always respected. I have known a few women who have performed in the porn industry. They did by choice and liked what they did. I've know a few others who have felt degraded. The result is I don't tend to generalize. The women who produce and direct often times can have more understanding for the performer.
I was was giggling at the "I was raise Catholic so I don't know much about it." It is a great saying. Yet religion no matter which on, does not prevent any one from knowing or watching.
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On 3/5/2016 at 6:45 PM, Tyger said:
I don't think "fair" has anything to do with it. I'm totally understanding on how you feel though. I was there after the last man I dated just up and said he didn't want to see me anymore since an ex had gotten in contact with him and he wanted to try it with her again. So, I reached out online, and changed my preferences from "men to women", and, well, the rest is herstory. LOL
There's going to be issues in every relationship, whether they be with a man or a woman. I guess you just need to ask yourself which you want to be with. Besides, you can date a few here and there, and make up your mind. There's no set rule that you have to settle for one or the other. Have some fun, take some time to figure it out for yourself.
Be FAIR to yourself.
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Online dating is popular in my generation. There are quite a few nice people there in my experience.
I have met former exes through friends, but I have found my friends' suggestions to be actually the worst. My friends thought that someone would be a good match, but they weren't.
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Happy Fourth of July!
in Ask A "Sexpert"
Posted
Hello,
I edited the original post. It looks like I got an answer to my question.
Hope everyone is enjoying their fourth.