Kama
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Posts posted by Kama
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On 3/16/2016 at 7:08 AM, Kama said:
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On 3/4/2016 at 9:23 PM, Tyger said:
There's actually several producers of adult films that are geared for women, and are usually produced by women. Or, you could always go for lesbian porn as well. No dicks going off in those!! LOL
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I think personality can make or break how good a man is in bed. It's not just about techniques. I don't care how many orgasms you can give someone or how many tricks you learned from your last partner. Poor listening skills, lack of patience, and getting angry during sex show me that you're not good in bed.
The best sexual partner to me was someone that was patient, open-minded, and knew how to compliment. That mentally made me relaxed and receptive.
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Yes. Anyone that doesn't respect my recharging time is a deal breaker. I recall feeling so zapped and anxious when my ex wanted to be tied to my hip. I think that caused the relationship to break down. Only if he would let me have a day or two to myself.
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Yes, you're right.
I'm going to take a break from forums.
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On January 11, 2016 at 7:00 AM, Tyger said:
You're absolutely correct!! A professional counselor should NEVER laugh at one of their patients. That's rude and unprofessional, no matter what the disclosure (unless y'all are cracking jokes, which I would be prone to do, even in a counseling session LOL).
Some people can't seem to understand how one's sexual preferences, likes, dislikes, etc, just because it's not theirs. It's sad, but it happens. You're absolutely correct!! Being accepted for what you like, and RESPECTED, especially with a lover. It's a definite plus! Congratulations on finding him!! He's a lucky fellah!
I am a sexual abuse survivor, so I think one has to be more sensitive when discussing sexuality. The last thing we need is to feel like we are a weirdo! Come on...there's a reason why some us like the things we do.
I mean-I think it makes perfect sense for a rape victim to not like Vaginal sex. When giving oral sex, we gain a sense of control. Being in control is extremely important to a survivor. Why is that so hard to understand? You're right that maybe others don't know how to empathize or admit that some people are just different than them.
I don't know what's going to happen with this new guy. I just wish I met more people like him in the past. It does make me angry as to why I had to sit there and be lectured by others on how I "should" have sex, but I'm god I'm no longer around them anymore.
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To update this thread, those men that told me how I'm going to have a hard finding someone are WRONG. I don't understand why some people just spew stuff with no evidence. While I was explaining bisexuality to them, they told me that "maybe you're single, because you're crazy." I even showed them actual evidence of couples being married, but they just didn't want to hear it.
Again, the person I'm dating now is okay about me being attracted to both genders. He asked me to be his girlfriend after I told him this. Interestingly, this guy is also my age (in his 30's). All of the guys I meet my age don't seem to care about bisexuality.
For the record, this forum where this conversation occurred is loveshack.org. I wouldn't recommend that place. It's very negative and misinformed. Most people that I meet in real life luckily don't talk like that.
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On January 5, 2016 at 8:55 PM, WenWitch said:
We had sex education in school but it left me with a lot of unanswer questions. We learned about the basics. This is a woman. The woman has a vagina. This is a man. The man has a penis. This is an egg that comes from the woman's ovaries. This is a sperm. etc. The whole teaching was robotic and matterfactly. Followed up with a direct warning to use condoms to protect yourselves from receiving the aids virus should you become sexually active. My parents refused to talk about sex or puberty or even prementstral syndrome. My mother yelled at me for having my first period. From then on it was "if you get pregnant, I'm kicking you out of the house". That was my sex education.
On January 3, 2016 at 1:42 PM, Tyger said:I have no idea what some states, like the state I live in, with teaching "abstinence" only. In a large populated state like Texas, teaching the consequences of having sex, including oral sex, would be more important.
True, as a parent, it's our jobs to teach our kids, however, you have some parents, like my mother, that never think to talk to their kids about sex, or show their kids by example, that being free loving, uncaring, and getting knocked up with each man they're with to try and keep them, is ok.
Thankfully, I grew up in a state where they taught sex ed, and then you could go and have a couple of more semesters of it if you wanted. I also had common sense, and a mother that, by example, showed me that you don't need a man to be happy and have things.
Now a-days, kids don't have that. Common sense isn't so common, and people having a ton of kids is more normal than just one (I have just one, by choice). I never had a child that I wanted to try and hang on to a man with (and if you have to do that, that man isn't truly into you anyway, IMHO). My child was planned. There are ways, and I was thankfully educated, to prevent it, and learned how to tell a man that says "oh, c'mon baby, I'll pull out, or condoms are so uncomfortable for me" that unless he used a condom, there would be no nookie with me,and MEAN it.
I've seen parents, my age, with teenagers, that, when their teens get knocked up, or knock up some girl, treat it as a total blessing, with no consequences, and then they turn around and totally take care of their kids, and grandkids, plus the baby's other parent!!! WTF???
I do talk to my daughter about sex. She knows how it happens, and a lot of the terminology, age appropriate, of course. I'm working more on her self-esteem, and how to say no. I don't believe she's going to be one that gets guilted or "I'll like you more if...." type of girl. She seems pretty independent!
This is just a rant for me. Feel free to post your thoughts.
Good for you, tyger! I wish we had more parents that tell their daughters straight up that they can say no.
Some people think that we all naturally know how to say no. That's nonsense. If adults struggle with saying no, you can't expect every growing teenager to be strong and assertive. So many problems would be avoided if we start teaching kids that it's okay to refuse unwanted sex.
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I barely remember the sex Ed in my highschool, and I might be one of the more younger members here. Let's just say that it was very general. I have learned more about sex by just talking on forums and reading up on websites.
Letting kids learn on their own is bad advice, imho. This opens up teenagers and young adults to encounter bad experiences or not know what's normal. Imagine a young couple that doesn't know about foreplay, and that may just lead to painful experiences. Or, maybe someone isn't sure how to say no or set a boundary.
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18 hours ago, Tyger said:
MY GF is EXTREMELY giving, in AND out of the bedroom, and not just with me (just not sexually). She tries to help people as much as she can. Now, there HAVE been times that she's wanted to stop and help someone on the side of the road, at night, and I had my daughter in the car. I had to tell her no, we can't do that, due to people that are dangerous, and I won't risk my daughter. They, most probably, have a cell phone, and they can call someone. I had to explain to her that we have to be more cautious, especially because of the risks, they're not worth it. However, since she's never had kids, she doesn't have that mindset.
Does this hurt our relationship? Hell no. We've talked about how this use to piss of her other GFs. I think that, if you're in a relationship with someone that is ALL about them, and not of a giving heart, then, yes, it can hurt.
Then, there's also the part that a lot of people take advantage of people that are giving, which may be what your counselor was trying to get you to think about when they said that it could hurt you. Because, eventually, many giving people get burned out (speaking from experience with myself), and feel used, and neglected, and stop giving as much.
So, on its face, no, being giving really shouldn't hurt a relationship. However, being the only giver can do so.
I think I should have clarified that my previous counselor was specifically referring to how me giving oral sex too much would be a problem. She also had laughed at the idea of being satisfied by giving pleasure. She said that she never heard of that. I think it's rude for a professional to laugh at someone expressing how they feel. I agree with you on how if a person is bending over backwards in general for others, it gets exhausting.
I just love how the guy I am dating didn't question me on why I'm the way I am in bed. He's not acting anything like the people that saw me as strange. This makes him so much more sexually attractive.
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Kama, good for you to find someone who is compatable. All the best to you.
Thank you! The right person makes all the difference!
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Well, I am now dating someone that is completely okay with my preferences. He said that I should do whatever makes me happy. Yay.
Hope everyone had a good new year!
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I think that people that resort to name calling because they don't get what they want are extremely immature, and you've made the right choice by not sleeping with them.
Everyone's sexual timing, preferences, desires, and levels are their own. NOBODY should tell you what they think you should do with your body sexually. Ever. Suggestions, sure. Tips and hints, those can be helpful. However, if what they say makes you feel as though they're trying to manipulate you into doing something you really don't want to do, or are hesitant to do it, then THEY are the ones that have the issues, not you!
My second ex-husband tried the name calling with me. I cut him off when he got going. I NEVER thought he'd personally insult me. I told him that I can be the biggest bitch on the planet to him, and that's ok. However, him insulting me will NOT be tolerated. And, if anything, he WILL respect me as the mother of one of his children. There was NO tolerance for that, and he knows it. He was lashing out at me because he was hearing things (concerns my daughter kept bringing home) that he didn't like. So, like a child, he insults me with foul names. Um, hell no.
It's perfectly OK to stand up for yourself, whether you're male or female. I'm seeing more and more disrespect, especially in the younger people, and it's infuriating!
You are so funny, Tyger (I mean that in a good way). Sorry you went through that with your ex.
Yes, 30-somethings are the new 21! Or, so it seems. Good manners are a lost art, ha.
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I really don't see any problem with, or find it hard to be with a woman whom is bi-sexual. My wenwitch is a bi-sexual woman and we have no trouble with it. The only thing I can say to the men that do have a problem in grow up and put on your big boy pants and let go of mamas apron strings.
ok sorry but that's my rant
Lucky couple.
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Again, I'm rereading some old posts. I have seen articles to this affect, and have a few bisexual friends as well. I think that this still rings true. Thoughts?
I'm a little slow tonight. What rings true..how bisexuals are perceived?
I'm in a good place now. The people I meet are open-minded, or claim to be, towards bisexuality. I know I still strongly prefer men right now, but can feel very aroused at women.
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You have to work at it. It took me years to do so.
But, what made it clear for me, is that I thought that there's no one person in my life that thinks exactly as I do. I want to be as happy as I can be. Not worrying about what others think is really weight lifting. It really does make you happier.
You have to realize that, no matter what you do, or what others say, you never truly know what people are honestly thinking. And, whether you know or not, does it REALLY affect your life on a grand scale? Probably not.
I've had people tell me straight out what they think of me and lecture me on how I need to change. in my experience, I have found other people's opinions and advice unfounded, but there are some good ones out there though.
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Thanks tyger. As I have changed since this topic was created years ago, my family has too.
I told a guy that I am recently dating that I'm in no rush and if he's looking for a girl to control...he's got to go look somewhere else.
he laughed.I like your last sentence.
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Not to my face. LOL I've been called other choice names when I have cut things off with someone, but I think we all have most likely.
I think these names are pretty rude. It's a personal preference as to when you become intimate with someone, and it may not be what others perceive as an "appropriate" time, but it's not their body that they're making the decision with. You do what you feel is right, when you feel is right. To hell with what others think!
Now how do you get over with what others think?
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On 11/15/2015 at 10:49 AM, l8niter said:
I guess all I would say to all those people is that what you do, how you do it and with whom it is done with should be of no concern to them because its a part of your life that is really none of there business
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Sometimes Kama, we just need that "cool down" period to get back into the swing of things. Like a nice deep sleep after a relaxing massage. Then we're all refresh and bright eyed the next day, ready to take on the dating world. lolol
Well said. Recharging your batteries so to speak.
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Sometimes we get too wrapped up in the giving and receiving aspect of sex rather than the sharing aspect. That is, we're sharing ourselves with each other. Me, I'm just like you, I'd rather give oral than receive it. BUT, if D wants to give it, then she's sharing part of herself with me, so that's what we do. Not that I dislike it, in fact, she's quite good at it. We just incorporate what we both like into what we do. No judging, no complaining. If you don't have that with the guys you're intimate with, it's time to move on.
M
Yeah, sex is about enjoying each other. This whole making "sex equal" is contrived, imo. I had a therapist that lectured me on this and thought that my giving nature would cause problems in my relationship, ha. I don't think so.
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he laughed.
What do you think of telling a woman to go find a casual lover to change her preferences?
in Ask A "Sexpert"
Posted
Edit.