crazybaymare

I have the same issue. My BF doesn't have a collection, but he does look online. Whenever I think about him looking, it hurts and makes me sad. The girly emotional side of me thinks it must be because I don't look the way he would like me to or I don't do the stuff he likes in bed. The non-emotional intellectual side understands that it has nothing to do with me and it's just something he enjoys doing. We have talked about it too many times to count and he always feels bad about how it makes me feel. He tells me that he will stop looking if I want, but I don't want to take something away from him that he enjoys. Especially something that I feel shouldn't even bother me. I know he loves me and only wants to be with me, but at the same time, it hurts that he is fantasizing about fucking these other women. And I feel that it shouldn't. What really matters is that he loves ME and only wants to be with ME. Besides, in my experience, the only way someone can successfully stop doing something is if they want to stop for themselves, not because someone else wants them to. Then it usually becomes a sneaking around thing, and that is worse, imo. I try so hard to be ok with it. I really feel that a big part of my problem with it is my EX. I never used to have a problem with porn until he came around. The only way that he could get off and really enjoy the sex is if we were watching porn. And that made me feel like shit. I obviously wasn't enough for my ex, so I guess in some ways those feelings have carried over and I feel like I'm just not enough in this relationship. Which I know is not true. It's a mental hurdle that I need to get over and I try so hard to. Not that any of that helps you, but I pretty much was just saying that I know how you feel! I want to be ok with it. I don't want it to bother me. I feel that it's silly that it bothers me, and that makes me mad at myself.

I think that honest communication is a big key part. You can have all the communication in the world, but if it's not totally honest, then it's really worthless. I believe that if you truly feel like you have honest communication in the relationship, then trust will naturally follow that.

I have tried it and didn't much care for it, but I think that's because I wasn't even interested in trying it, but was pressured into it. So I pretty much swore it off, but after reading a bunch of stuff on the forums and articles here, I think I would be willing to give it another try with my new SO. I feel like I might feel different about it since I am more receptive to the idea now and know the best ways to go about starting it.