whiskeywoman

As many of you know, I recently went through a really rough period in life. My B/F dumped me when I was 3 months pregnant, and I was struggling to cope with the news that my unborn baby had trisomy 18, a fatal disorder. I was given the option to terminate and declined. Thank God I did. On 4/7/06 I deliverd a very healthy 8 lb 8 oz baby girl. I have contacted her father to let him know of her birth and that she was healthy, and no surprises, he never replied. Since he admits to his current G/F (the one he dumped me for) that he is Elizabeths dad, but when contacted by the hospital he declines that hes the dad, paternity has to be established. I KNOW hes the dad, hes the only guy I have been with in 3 years. Yes I am aware it sounds a bit like a soap opera, but hang on it gets better LOL My ex husband contacted me, he is the father of my other 3, a long story short, he chose drugs over his family. Anyways, he wanted to go out to the park with the kids and I and spend some time together and talk. He began by apologizing for his past actions, and telling me he wanted a more active role in our lives, he even said once Liz was born hed take her on as his own. He offered to show me how sincere he was by showing me a "diploma" from the local councelers office, seems hes taken anger management classes, and parenting classes. He also pulled out a chip from the local NA support group, it was a gold chip "for multiple years clean" or something to that effect. I have already decided that even if Liz's dad comes crawling back, I won't forgive him. I won't say no he cant play an active role in her life, but he certainly won't be a part of mine. So I geuss my question is, should I give my ex the benefit of the doubt? I mean yeah I still love him, I always will, hes my first husband, and the father of my kids. Part of me wants to try again cause it seems like he is making an effort to change, and another part of me would love to have some help raising the kids, it is a major task to raise a child on your own, let alone 3 and coping with a newborn and the whole new set of issues there. Not sure if its the sleep deprivation getting to me or the hormone changes to make me even think of such a thing. But any advice would be greatly appreciated. And I apologize for such a lengthy post.

Mikayla, My other 3 have unfortuantly already learned how to deal with the tragedy of the sudden loss of a loved one. 3 years ago, my son was shot and killed in a random act of violence on his 13th birthday. It was quite possibly one of the single hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I never went through grief counceling, and fought the legal system to bring is killer to justice, this is a battle I still fight on a day to day basis, and rest assured I will not stop until he is behind bars where he belongs. I always allow the girls to talk about their feelings, and fears and concerns regarding my sons death and the arrival of their younger sister, but I wont allow them to dwell on the bad, I always remind them to look at the good parts, I remind them how much fun they had with their brother, and how they get to help their new sister learn important things, like walking, talking, and riding a bike LOL I feel that communication is a HUGE factor in any realtionship, regardless of whether it be with another adult or a child. I do plan on suing the father for support, i think its the least he can do, we are in this mess together, he helped make her, he can help support her. As for the abortion, no I simply couldn't do it, She deserves the same chance as the others did, and I really couldnt live with myself knowing in my heart that the last thing she would know in her young life would be the agony of being ripped to pieces or left lying on a table to die. I do believe abortions have their place and time, but it simply wasnt an option for me. I think the biggest factor in my choice was thinking, " what if i have it done, and shes normal? " I just couldnt live with that guilt. Crazy1, yes I have decided on a name for her. It is Elizabeth Rose I was looking at names online one day, and they just kinda jumped out at me, and have stuck ever since. I think the name Elizabeth means " of god or from god" and Rose is just that a flower, so shes my flower from god.

The doctor didnt really advise me to much of anything, he wanted to perform and amneocentisis to determine if the blood work was correct. I went ahead and had it done, since the amneo said the same thing as the blood work, I have been seeing genetisists and my OB/GYN on a regular basis. I was given the chance to terminate my pregnancy but declined to do so because there is a 1 percent chance that the tests are wrong. I have done lots of research on the problems with having a child with Trisomy 18. I realize there are significant health problems, and more than likely there will be many long and painful surgeries involved, I am prepared for this and am willing to take on the risks and rewards that go with them. She deserves the same support and love and caring and nurturing that my other children receive on a day to day basis, its the least I can do. She is a gift from heaven and will be cherished as such while she is with me. I simply have to take things day by day and deal with them as they come along, not much else I can do at this point. I visit my doctor regularly, take my vitamins and eat well, and try and rest a lot. I am trying to give her as much of a healthy start as possible.

I appreciate all the responses, And I also apologize for my absense. Things have been so crazy lately its not even funny. I did tell him, and he split when I hit about my 16th week of pregnancy, I am now into my 35th week. Its another girl, I already have 3. The hardest part was contacting him and telling him that the our daughter is sick, I found out during one of my prenatal visits that the baby has a chromesomal abnormality. She has Trisomy 18, and her chances of making it to a year old are very slim. I have written him about a half a dozen times or so trying to get his imput on what he wants to do, trying to give him options, and he has never replied back. I can only assume at this point that he wants nothing to do with the baby. Thanks for the advice though. Whiskey

Any suggestions on how to gently break it to my man that hes gonna be a daddy? I somehow think him hearing " honey, our birth control failed, im pregnant" just is not the best way to break it to him. This was definately unplanned and a total shock. I honestly did not want anymore kids, but whats done is done, now comes the hard part. I appreciate all responses. WW

Chris4u, You are so right, He LOVES oral now. I did as you suggested and took the piercing out the last time he came over for a visit. I had taken it out when he wasn't looking. Now keep in mind I had given him oral earlier that day with it in, When I did it again, he looked at me kinda funny and told me to put my tounge ring back in LOL He thinks it is a huge turn on and he likes it much better with than without. Thanks for the idea! Now if I can just keep him from crawling the walls 10 minutes into it....

Ok, so I am leaving this one for yalls to answer. Last year I got my tounge pierced on a whim, (I heard rumors about better blow jobs) Anyways, I never got to try out my piercing until a couple of months ago, and it was on my boyfriend. The problem is, that none of his ex girlfriends or his ex wife ever gave him oral, I was the first! I gave him oral and finally had to pry him off the ceiling after about 5 minutes, which really is a shame, I was just starting to enjoy myself. Ok, so the question is, does the pierced tounge really make a differance in your abilities to give good oral?

http://www.annieappleseedproject.org/vagdiltoresp.html http://www.westons.com/acatalog/Online_Cat...lators_180.html http://www.soulsourceenterprises.com/ Hope these help, best of luck to you. Whiskey

Well, my sweetie went back to Cali today. We had an awsome week together, he really liked the vibrating tongue ring, and asked if he could go and buy a toy to use on me. That in turn sparked a very long discussion on sex and wants. It was very strange to have such an hopen honest and plain conversation about sex with him,I have never had a conversation with any of my partners, yet here I was in the kitchen discussing ideas and such with him over a cup of coffee like it was neighborhood gossip. I asked him why he felt it was so important to discuss it, he told me " if we are going to make this relationship work, we need to be honest and communicate with each other" The whole time I had been trying to make him happy, he was trying to figure out how to make me happy. I geuss at this point I don't have to worry so much anymore about keeping him happy with creative sex, as i do on working on my own communication and listening skills. When I was growing up sex was something you never disscussed with your partner, it was never supposed to be fun or enjoyable. I am beginning to see things in a much differant light. Things are so differant with this one though, he feels it is crucial to talk openly and honestly about all aspects of the relationship, fro parenting and beliefs to likes and fantasies in the bedroom. He just blows me away.

Oh where to begin? Last year I met a guy online, we talked and chatted and began exchanging phone calls. Sooooo to make a really long story short, we finally decide to meet face to face. He showed up here almost 3 months ago, and spent a week here with me. He comes over at least once a month and spends no less than a week each visit. My kids love him to death, and there is no question we are physically and emotionally attracted to one another. He and I were talking last week and he was mentioning things that make him aroused , he mentioned he is a very visually stimulated person, he likes the lingerie, the clothes etc. I have noticed, he is the kind to become aroused by useing all 5 senses. He also has an extremely high sex drive and can go for hours. Last time we were together, i dressed up, did the hair, the nails the makeup etc, He walked in and promptly attacked me on the couch! He is also the first one to preform oral sex on me, all i can say is WOW! LOL Now to my question, he has mentioned more than once that he enjoys "creative sex", things to keep it interesting and never boreing. I recently purchased a vibrating tongue ring to use on him the next time he comes over (later this week) I have bought his favorite scent of cologne and some new fancy lingierie that he seems to like so much. Are there any other things I can do to keep things creative? After being in two failed marriges, my creativity in the area of sex is a bit on the low side, both of my exs idea of sex was a quick kiss and 5 minutes later they'd roll over and begin snoring. So my creativity on this is a bit neutral. I apologize if this is too long, I just felt it best to give some type of rough idea of what I am up against. If anyone can give me any kind of advice I would be extremly grateful. Thank you in advance