kmt

He did. I was shy, inexperiened and scared to death. I did return the favor but I didn't really know what I was doing. In the beginning I didn't like giving oral at all. Now I don't mind doing it but it really does nothing for me. Hopefully as I get more experienced I will begin to like it.

Well, if you can count that when my SO was going down on me the last time I was able to say "suck me harder" right before orgasming, then maybe a little luck. For months I couldn't even do that. The most I could do was moan or say I'm cumming. It's funny but I can say mildly 'dirty things' outside the bedroom and in a joking manner but to say these things and be serious I feel self conscious. I feel like it is unlike me and that I will sound stupid or something. I would love to use the "fuck me like you bought me" line but SO really hates that word. lol, it's so weird, he has no problem saying things to me but hates the f word and I have noooooo problem saying the f word and yet struggle with the dirty talk. Go figure. Thanks for asking ladylove.

Yes he does and I love him for that but I am also afraid that someday the blinders will come off and he will see what I see. I am 58, had five kids and at have battled with weight most of my life. Now, the weight is off and I am told by many, including my kids that I am hot, a MILF and some of my son's friends (17 year olds) told him he has a hot mom. And with clothes on I'll admit I have turned a few heads. It's when the clothes come off that's ugly. I see sagging boobs, sagging ass and stretch marks and all this is a reminder to me of how bad I let myself go. But he loves it, go figure!

lol, this would have been a double post so I deleted it. Still learning how the board works.

I could go on and on I guess but a little at a time. Thanks for your reply Tyger. The more I vent and hear other peoples thoughts the more it erases the old tapes and replaces them with new. I am very happy to have found TT.

Everything you've said is true. I've made the decision, now the only thing stopping me is fear. Now I have to decide whether or not I am willing to let my fears rule the rest of my life. I think not. Thank you.

The mint won't be a problem for me, just hope my SO doesn't mind the taste. lol, he hates mint.

The Viva cream has gotten a raving review and it comes in a trial size, I may try that one. I've tried having a few drinks before a bedroom session because it loosens me up and i drop some of my inhibitions, however, the alcohol de-sensitizes me and I feel nothing. That sucks, lol.

Have any of you ladies ever used clit stimulating creams? I would really like to know if they really work or if it's all hype.

Hmmm, dirty talk foreplay. I think I can do that.

I will do that ladylove. I have a question, the first time you talked dirty, was it uncomfortable and awkward? I know it will be that way for me. Do I wait until I am comfortable with the idea (which could take a long time) or do I just do it. Ya know, just jump right in and do it.

He he... You know the art of talking dirty is not always a bad thing Good point there. My mind automatically associates certain actions or words as making me either a 'good or bad girl' and I find myself having to rethink everything I've ever been taught about sex (or not taught) by parents, religion and even my ex husband of almost 32 years. So I want to talk dirty! So what! Lol, now I want to be so bad that I am good. Thanks for your input.

I was reading the forums yesterday and saw a post about talking dirty. It caught my attention and I wanted to post but didn't have the time so I came back here today to do it but now I can't find the post so I am starting a new one. (lol, how's that for a run-on sentence! Okay, I have a question. How does one get started with the dirty talk? It may seem like a silly question with the obvious answer being 'just do it' but it seems so out of character for me that I can't get words out. In addition to not knowing what to say I feel awkward and shy about it. I'm afraid to sound stupid and I guess afraid of being rejected. It would mean opening myself up to ridicule (at least in my mind) even though I know my SO would never ridicule me, ever. So if there is anyone out there who struggled with this and has any tips I would love to hear them. Time to drop this 'good girl' mentality I have and let the slut side of me out, if I have one that is. Lol, and if I don't I will create one.

Changing is hard work and at times very painful, but really, what are the alternatives? I have to keep reminding myself of that when it gets hard and I just want to quit.

What you say about being the hardest judges is so true. A little encouragement can go a long way. Thank you Mnwolf.

Thank you all for your comments and input. I have thought about professional help and although I am not closing the door on that option, I think this forum could be a huge turning point for me. Just being here and reading and knowing that others have had the same experiences and feelings and hang-ups and are overcoming them gives me hope that I can too. I know I can because I want this. I am doing lots of reading and learning new things everyday. lol, actually it's embarrassing to realize how little I know at my age. Too timid is a goldmine of resources and I plan on tapping into it all that I can. I consider myself more fortunate than a lot of woman who are going through what I am and are not able to change or simply choose not to, but rather just accept the situation as it is. I am fortunate to have a wonderful, patient and considerate man who loves me enough to help me through this. We do a lot of talking in and out of the bedroom and I am learning to trust and to let myself be loved. He sees beauty in me where I see ugliness. The body that makes me sick when I look in the mirror actually turns him on and if I can get myself to believe that, well that would be half my battle won. I have come a long way, I am more open and less of a prude than I was even six months ago. I have gone from not being able to even say the word sex without getting embarrassed to joining a sex forum. I am able to talk to my adult daughters about sexual things and they are amazed at the changes in me. The first time my man took me into a sex toy shop I had to go out and sit in the car, and I cried. i have three toys now and the I actually asked for the third one, lol, wow. I already have number four on my wish list. I am on the verge of breaking out I just know it. The woman I killed off years ago out of necessity, the one with desires and passion and needs is inside and is begging to come out. All I need is a push.

Hi folks, I am new to the forums and have done lots of reading. Other than introducing myself, this is my first post and I have a question. How do you let go during sex??? I was raised Catholic and very sheltered. I was taught that women weren't supposed to enjoy sex and that it was just a duty to satisfy my husband. At one point I was even considering becoming a nun. Well instead I got married and rejected all those childhood teaching and actually wanted to enjoy sex, but not without a ton of guilt. My husband of almost 32 years was a selfish lover if I can even call him a lover at all. There was very little foreplay. He got right to the point and when it was over, it was over. In the beginning when I approached him for sex I usually got turned down and that crushed me to the point that I just stopped asking because I couldn't handle the rejection. The last few years there was no sex at all because he couldn't get an erection. This started when he was 40. Of course, I believed that his problem was my fault. A Catholic upbringing will do that to a person and I readily accepted this. I was too fat, not pretty enough, not exciting enough or whatever. I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep for years because I loved this man and he didn't want me. In the end he got into religion so heavily and now believes he is Jesus Christ. There was drugs involved with him, religious delusions, bi-polar disorder and life had gotten very bizzare. I ended up on depression meds for about 5 years. I am out of that relationship now and moving forward but not without a ton of baggage. My upbringing and my marriage have left me with lots of scars. I have no confidence, low self esteem, fears, insecurities and whatnot. I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man. He is so gentle with me because he knows how I am struggling. In bed he is so loving and unselfish it amazes me. He sees beauty where I see ugliness. I could go on and on. I have so much in my mind that I want to say but to put it in writing, well it gets all confused. Here is my problem. I have learned over the years to not express any sexual feelings, for fear of rejection and because of the sin factor. I can't let go, and I want to so badly. I can't tell my man when I want him because I feel that if he wanted me he would make the first move. I feel that I don't deserve sexual pleasure and any sexual needs I may have are wrong and to just surpress them. When we are in bed together my mind just will not let me focus on what we are doing. I always worry about not being able to orgasm or that I am taking too long and that of course prevents me many times from orgasming. I am afraid to tell him what I want or like because I'm not even sure myself. I am so inexperienced sexually and I am afraid of acting or sounding stupid or just plain looking disgusting in my mans eyes. How the hell do I stop these thought patterns? How do I just say fuck it and let? I want this more than anything.

Thank you for the welcome and the encouragement. You're right about the baby steps. I've taken lots of them and I am somewhat proud of myself. More than anything, I want to break out of this protective shell. I find I take a few steps, get scared and run back into my shell for a bit but I keep coming back out. It used to be safe there but now it's just a dark lonely place and I can't wait to not need it anymore if that makes any sense.

Thank you for the welcome ToyQueen. I've been doing lots of reading on this site and am surprised that there are others who've had the same issues and hangups as me and are able to overcome them. I guess we all feel that we are unique in our thinking. I am very glad to have found this site and I know I will have lots of questions, lol, kind of embarrassing at my age, but better late than never, huh! Thanks again.

Hi Everyone, Finding myself posting to a forum such as this is something I would have never considered doing even a few months ago. I have been reading posts here for a little while and am encouraged by the support you've shown to the members who have real concerns and all without passing judgment. A little bit about me: I was raised in a Catholic environment most of my life. I was taught that sex was for procreation only, women weren't supposed to enjoy it and if you did you were bad and at the early young age of 7 found myself too afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of dying and going to hell because of my sins. Moving ahead, I got married to an addict who eventually got straight, got religion and then ultimately thought himself to be Jesus Christ. I stayed with this man for almost 32 years because of you know, the for better or for worse thing. In a nutshell, my life's experiences have left me full self confidence and self esteem issues. I was physically, emotionally and spiritually, and sexually abused over the course of these years and it has left it's scars in all areas of my life. Where I am today: Struggling, that's where. I have a new man in my life. A wonderful man. Right from the start I could tell he had a strong libido and, to be honest, it kind of scared me. I had hang-ups. Lots of hang-ups from my past and I let him know that from the very beginning of our relationship. In fact, I gave him every opportunity to run the other way because I was damaged. Lol. He didn't do that. Anyway, to keep this as short as possible and not bore you all I will come to the point of why I am here. I am angry, at the church, my ex, and I am angry with myself. I feel that my sexuality had been stolen from me. My rights at a woman have been stolen from me, and I let it happen. I am here now because I want it back and I guess I need help and encouragement to do this. I have a man who loves me enough to put up with me and give me the time I need to deal with the past and help me to heal and move forward. I have come a long way in the past two years but I have oh so far to go. A lot of the things we talk about now used to offend me. Hell, I was offended when he first said the word pussy. I was offended when he first gave me the link to this site, but I am changing slowly, lol, I even have some toys! So, as my screen name suggests, I am searching with all my heart for a sexual healing. I want this for me and I want this for him. I want to learn how to let go without fear of rejection or being punished for being a bad girl. I want my mind to give me the freedom to experience sexual fulfillment. I am on my way, I have been reading lots and lots but I still have to get this screwed up head of mind to take that plunge. lol, hell, I want it all. At 58 years old, it's finally my turn, and I want it. Thanks for letting me vent.