Members taylorblu Posted January 18, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 my hb is very preocupied with work which leaves very little time for me. i don't know what to do anymore.... ( i have tried dressing up when he comes home, but he knows (when he calles me, he can sense something is up) so it's not a secret) that being said, i feel defeated. i need ideas or advice. thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted January 19, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 How long has the preoccupation with work been going on? (New thing, or been this way a long time?)Does he like the work, or is just a total grind?How full is his plate when he gets home? Tons to do, or can he sit back and unwind a bit, or not tons to do but isn't home long enough to unwind? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members taylorblu Posted January 19, 2010 Author Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 How long has the preoccupation with work been going on? (New thing, or been this way a long time?)Does he like the work, or is just a total grind?How full is his plate when he gets home? Tons to do, or can he sit back and unwind a bit, or not tons to do but isn't home long enough to unwind?a long time but he likes it...recently he's been out of town half the week (it will end in about a year) however, when he is home is is tired and then he has to leave again. he can unwind, but not for long, which leaves me alone. i've talked to him about it, but it's just another thing that he has to do. he realizes this is a problem, but as far as working on it, it will take awhile. thanks for letting me vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted January 19, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 I don't know if this has any bearing on your situation, but . . .Back when my kids were littler, I'd come home, tired from work and tired from commuting, have to feed the cats and put out the garbage and get some grub and do some dishes and either change diapers or help with homework, blah blah blah . . . When the kids were finally shushed off to bed, my legs were swollen and my feet hurt, and I'd plop down on the sofa to rest a bit. Then one of the cats would come out of hiding and jump on me and want attention, and my wife would come in a plop down in front of me and say, "Rub my back." By this point, I didn't want to rub any backs or pet any furry things, I just wanted to rest.What was the answer? Partly time, I guess; as the kids got older they became more able to fend for themselves. And I quit worrying about getting everything done around the house that I wanted to (it's a wreck now, and it'll be a wreck for the next 10 years, and I don't care) and started worrying more about taking care of me and the happy chemicals in my brain.What's the answer for you? I don't know; maybe time. Maybe in time, things will settle down and improve. That he recognizes there is a problem is at least a first step. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members taylorblu Posted January 19, 2010 Author Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 yeah, time is what i want, but cannot get. we are working on it but it is hard. i could understand if i have let myself go (i don't mean to be shallow) but i haven't. i really take care of myself and i feel it's for nothing, i mean, i'm glad to be healthly for myself, but what does that mean if no one notices? (except my doc once a year) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted January 19, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 When I take care of me, it is more for me than anybody else. I feel better, happier, less grouchy, and have more energy, whether anyone else notices or not.Does the guy have a sense of humor? How about pranking him. Do you have a spray nozzle on the kitchen sink? Tape the trigger with Scotch tape (tough to see), and point it so that when he turns the faucet on it will blast him with cold water. (Make sure you don't forget and blast yourself.) Short sheet the bed on him. Or spur-of-the-moment stuff to mess with him.Or how about go to bed naked with your back toward him and guide his hand to your bare butt. See if that gets his motor running. (That would work for me when I otherwise felt too tired to rumble.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members taylorblu Posted January 19, 2010 Author Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Does the guy have a sense of humor? How about pranking him. Do you have a spray nozzle on the kitchen sink? Tape the trigger with Scotch tape (tough to see), and point it so that when he turns the faucet on it will blast him with cold water. (Make sure you don't forget and blast yourself.) Short sheet the bed on him. Or spur-of-the-moment stuff to mess with him.yeah, but this would not be good. (i laugh about this though) the only good thing that comes out of this is the underwear business.... i have so many matching sets its crazy... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted January 19, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 it sounds like he's stressed and tired right now. He does know something is wrong, but have you told him explictly? Sometimes your partner can be blind to what the problem actually is. Talk to him, not accuse him but just tell him "Honey, I feel (that's the key) like we haven't been intimate in a while." See what he says, if he's stressed or tired try giving him a straight day or two of pampering, ban all things work, and take care of his share of the chores and treat him like a king (i'm not saying you should be his slave but just try it) and if he gets better, ie more relaxed and frisky, you have your answer even if he can't give it to you.How old is he? Maybe he's having physical problems and is hiding it from you, he might be ashamed, and if that's the case you need to assure him that it's nothing to be ashamed of, totally common and support him going to talk to his doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 19, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Do you work long hrs outside you home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members taylorblu Posted January 19, 2010 Author Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 How old is he? Maybe he's having physical problems and is hiding it from you, he might be ashamed, and if that's the case you need to assure him that it's nothing to be ashamed of, totally common and support him going to talk to his doctor.he's 33. i could try talking to him about it.Do you work long hrs outside you home?i used to, but now my work schedule is more standard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members crossroads123 Posted January 20, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 I hate to bring it up, but it sounds like somebody else is getting his attention and making him so tired. I'm not to sure about these trips out of town for work. I hope I'm wrong, but it would explain alot of what I'm reading. Anyway I agree talk, talk, talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 20, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 he's 33. i could try talking to him about it.i used to, but now my work schedule is more standardso you work full time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members taylorblu Posted January 20, 2010 Author Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 so you work full time?yes, i used to work alot more, but now my work schedule is average to a full time work load. (i work 40hrs a week compared to the 80 i worked a couple of years ago) hate to bring it up, but it sounds like somebody else is getting his attention and making him so tired. I'm not to sure about these trips out of town for work. I hope I'm wrong, but it would explain alot of what I'm reading. Anyway I agree talk, talk, talk.i agree with someone else getting attention and have confronted him about it. he says there is no one else and ido believe him (for personal reasons) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted January 21, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 You both work full time and even though I think traveling can add a gruesome dimension to his job, you need to talk to him about it. Let him know he may be having a very stressful tiresome time with work right now, if he can talk to you about it if may lift some of the clouds. If he just needs to be left alone for 1/2 hour decompress, you need to let him get that for himself, so he can move on. I think you also need to let him know he can't allow work to take over his whole life. And ask him if there is something else going on. You work too, you are tired to, yet you put effort forward (good for you) he has to if you are to have a successful marriage. There are small bouts of time in a job that are more stressful and sometimes you just have to get through that but not every day 7 days a week, forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted January 21, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 You both work full time and even though I think traveling can add a gruesome dimension to his job, you need to talk to him about it. Let him know he may be having a very stressful tiresome time with work right now, if he can talk to you about it if may lift some of the clouds. If he just needs to be left alone for 1/2 hour decompress, you need to let him get that for himself, so he can move on. I think you also need to let him know he can't allow work to take over his whole life. And ask him if there is something else going on. You work too, you are tired to, yet you put effort forward (good for you) he has to if you are to have a successful marriage. There are small bouts of time in a job that are more stressful and sometimes you just have to get through that but not every day 7 days a week, forever.Well said. The key to any healthy relationship is talking. This may just be a phase and when things lighten up so will he, but he still has a responiblity to you to ensure your happiness and even if he can't provide sexual happiness a reason might help. Otherwise you'll drive yourself nuts with the possiblities. TALK TO HIM. You'll feel better. Ask him what he needs to get his pulse racing, try phone sex when he's out of town, or send him naughty pictures and videos of yourself, be more obvious than dressing up, cause peopel can miss even that clue... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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