Erectile Disfunction

[Readyforlove]

Ok my husband has diabetes and now he has erectile disfunction. A doctor told him that his diabetes is making his testosterone is low and he does'nt want to take anymore medicine, which I can understand. We have not had intercourse in a year!! My patience is running out. I don't want to cheat or leave him, how do I help or is there anything I can do?? I love my toys but sometimes a girl wants the real thing ya know!!

[ladylove]

There will always be some men that just will not take any meds for ED, However there are topical male stimuli you can try. I've reviewed one we really like. click on the link below and take a look around at the others. See what you think is best for you.

MaxSize

[hyokahey]

The other possibility is that there is more than just diabetes going on; he may be the lower desire partner for sex. "Low desire-High desire' are relative positions in all coupled relationship (the distance between 'high' and 'low'' varies between couples). IF the gap between desire is moderately wide, High desire partners often spend years, if not decades, trying to turn their low desire partner into a high desire partner. And that just cannot be done.

Most couples have 'just good enough' sex; that is, they do just what is needed for both to orgasm, and get into a pattern of doing this for many years. Most couples do not really work at or develop their sexuality together, which is needed for it to be resilient. It only then takes a bump in the road like diabetes to derail their sex lives.

So: before his diabetes created erection problems, was his desire higher or lower than yours? If his desire has always been lower than yours, you may have a 'double whammy'. If this is the case (or even if he was high desire), I would suggest you seek some couple counseling. If he refuses to go, then you go alone. The problem is not likely to just vanish.

[Readyforlove]

Thanks to you and ladylove. We are better now, making a lil progress which is good. thanks so much for your view points, I am usually hornier than he is, I guess i kinda forgot about the whole libido thing, which is why im thankful for your post. I haven't tried anything topical yet. Im jus gonna take it slow and stand behind my man. Thanks again!! =

The other possibility is that there is more than just diabetes going on; he may be the lower desire partner for sex. "Low desire-High desire' are relative positions in all coupled relationship (the distance between 'high' and 'low'' varies between couples). IF the gap between desire is moderately wide, High desire partners often spend years, if not decades, trying to turn their low desire partner into a high desire partner. And that just cannot be done.

Most couples have 'just good enough' sex; that is, they do just what is needed for both to orgasm, and get into a pattern of doing this for many years. Most couples do not really work at or develop their sexuality together, which is needed for it to be resilient. It only then takes a bump in the road like diabetes to derail their sex lives.

So: before his diabetes created erection problems, was his desire higher or lower than yours? If his desire has always been lower than yours, you may have a 'double whammy'. If this is the case (or even if he was high desire), I would suggest you seek some couple counseling. If he refuses to go, then you go alone. The problem is not likely to just vanish.

[Tyger]

Hi there. This is going to be a long road for the both of you. The first key is communication. Open up to him. However, men usually tend to feel like we're blaming them for stuff, even when we're just making comments (not that women don't do that either), especially when they're feeling bad about themselves.

Your husband has a lot going on. He may be depressed due to the diabetes. Some people don't take the news that they will depend on medication, restricted diet, for the rest of their lives. Men want to be our hero, invincible, our Wall, so to speak. Some men (and women) feel like they're not whole, when they develop a medical issues such as this, or even severe injuries (like my hubby has been going thru for almost a year). So, depression, and/or feeling "Less-Than", may also be a culprit. I understand his desire for not taking any more pills, however, he has to also be totally honest with his doctor. Most men don't want to admit their little soldier isn't at attention as much as he use to, due to pride and embarrassment, but, his doctor will also want him to be as functional as possible, and also help in maintaining the marriage bed. He may be able to try a new sort of medication to help control the diabetes, that has less side-effects.

He has to also communicate with YOU. Encourage him to open up. How's he feeling about all of this? Assure him that this is NOT his fault, and that you really do understand, and that you want him to know that you are willing to help him, but he also has to be willing to help himself.

Best wishes!

[sisired]

My boyfriend is also a diabetic and has erectile dysfuntion but was still able to become erect but maintaining the erection was a challenge. We have been together almost 2years and have found ways around it through the use of mutual masturbation, sex toys and talking out fantasies. However, over the past several months not only have we almost stopped having any kind of sexual contact whatsoever but when we try, he cannot even become erect even for a short time. It's extremely frustrating for me because I am a highly sexual person and he just doesn't seem to be trying anymore. He has seen a dr and was given viagra, but he's only taken a 1/2pill once and hasn't mentioned doing it again. I'm just at my wits end with it. I love him very much and want to stand by him but it's frustrating as well as heartbreaking. .....upon rereading, this post sounded really selfish of me. My biggest problem with the situation that we're in now is that he doesn't even seem willing to do the stuff we used to do to deal with our needs. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face but am just not getting anywhere with it.

[kinkyhusband]

My boyfriend is also a diabetic and has erectile dysfuntion but was still able to become erect but maintaining the erection was a challenge. We have been together almost 2years and have found ways around it through the use of mutual masturbation, sex toys and talking out fantasies. However, over the past several months not only have we almost stopped having any kind of sexual contact whatsoever but when we try, he cannot even become erect even for a short time. It's extremely frustrating for me because I am a highly sexual person and he just doesn't seem to be trying anymore. He has seen a dr and was given viagra, but he's only taken a 1/2pill once and hasn't mentioned doing it again. I'm just at my wits end with it. I love him very much and want to stand by him but it's frustrating as well as heartbreaking. .....upon rereading, this post sounded really selfish of me. My biggest problem with the situation that we're in now is that he doesn't even seem willing to do the stuff we used to do to deal with our needs. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face but am just not getting anywhere with it.

I dont have diabetes but do have high blood pressure and was having trouble maintaning an erection, doctor gave me a sample pack of Cialis and while the 1st time I felt embarrased to need help...OMG, the difference it made really helped both the hardness of my erection and increased the length of time before ejaculation. They are kind of expessive but I am of the mind set now of Thank God for modern medicine! Have him talk to his doctor next time he's there.

[Tyger]

It's hard for a man to ask for help, but I think that in these cases, if it helps, there's nothing wrong (and there's never anything wrong with asking for help) for asking for information/help. Doctors know that a happily married couple lives longer & is generally healthier.

[ladylove]

I dont have diabetes but do have high blood pressure and was having trouble maintaning an erection, doctor gave me a sample pack of Cialis and while the 1st time I felt embarrased to need help...OMG, the difference it made really helped both the hardness of my erection and increased the length of time before ejaculation. They are kind of expessive but I am of the mind set now of Thank God for modern medicine! Have him talk to his doctor next time he's there.

I think it's wonderful you have addressed the problem head on ( ) and your actively taking responsibility for your sexuality and well being. I'm can assure you, your wife/partner is extremely grateful. Snicker if you need, there are many no matter what their age, that hide their head in the sand and refuse to believe they could have a problem. I believe "mind over matter" was the exact phrase that was used. I think it's dreadfully sad some have this stubborn thought process. In the end it hurts everyone. I have the utmost respect for your and your pro-activeness.

[kinkyhusband]

I think it's wonderful you have addressed the problem head on ( ) and your actively taking responsibility for your sexuality and well being. I'm can assure you, your wife/partner is extremely grateful. Snicker if you need, there are many no matter what their age, that hide their head in the sand and refuse to believe they could have a problem. I believe "mind over matter" was the exact phrase that was used. I think it's dreadfully sad some have this stubborn thought process. In the end it hurts everyone. I have the utmost respect for your and your pro-activeness.

Thank you.

[ladylove]

Thank you.

Your welcome.

[Sunday]

I just don't understand why some men won't take an ED drug. How does taking a pill diminish them?

I can't dance worth crap until I've had a couple of drinks. Then ... well, I still can't dance worth crap but it doesn't stop me from drinking. I had a point there but I kinda lost it.

Sometimes people respond to long periods of frustration with something (like bad sex or a bad relationship) by turning their backs on it. It is too painful to deal with every day without results and they pretend it doesn't exist. Maybe that was going on with your guy and why he had little interest in sex even when the pills were available.

[ladylove]

I just don't understand why some men won't take an ED drug. How does taking a pill diminish them?

I can't dance worth crap until I've had a couple of drinks. Then ... well, I still can't dance worth crap but it doesn't stop me from drinking. I had a point there but I kinda lost it.

Sometimes people respond to long periods of frustration with something (like bad sex or a bad relationship) by turning their backs on it. It is too painful to deal with every day without results and they pretend it doesn't exist. Maybe that was going on with your guy and why he had little interest in sex even when the pills were available.

In addition to the "mind over matter" thought, I've also learned some men are not interested in dealing with the potential risks/side effects.

However if read the warnings on aspirin/tylenol there is a possibility of death. I'm back to thinking it's more about the ostrich syndrome (sticking your head in the sand and it doesn't exist).

For the life of me, I can't understand it.

- nice to see you Sunday