New Sensation

[chickenmom]

I am 37 and never had an orgasm and if the truth be told, I could have cared less about sex. Recently, however, I feel as though I'm in heat and need sex all the time. I am not able to orgasm though. I've tried manual stimulation with no luck. In the meantime, my genital area is constantly tingling and needing relief. Can anyone give me an idea of what may be happening?

[chickenmom]

I can't explain the sudden itch, unless you are having a second childhood, or a localized infection. See your Gynocologist about the latter, and if there is nothing there, then enjoy the first. As for having an orgasm, we have covered this subject ad nauseum here in other postings. All women are capable of having orgasms, but two things must occur. First, you have to be in tune with your body, and your sexuality. If you don't care whether you feel sexy or not, then it becomes also easy for your body to reject having an orgasms. At your age, it doesn't matter much why that has occurred, just that it has for all these years. More is the pity. Second, you have to train your body, just as any athlete has to train in order to perform well.

My suggestion to you would be to read other posts on the subject. We have an entire section on masturbation, as well as questions from beginners, and another on toys. We have the best toy reviews anywhere, which will help you order a couple from the shopping guide here. Try the temptress, which was just reviewed. Its moderately priced, and should work well for you.

Do your kegels. This is the muscles training you need to make your pubococcegeal( PC muscles for short) muscles work for you, and train your brain to finally notice what is going on down there. This must be done daily to gain full control, and to become sensitized to that part of your anatomy. Its the best way to get in touch with your genitals, so you can begin to enjoy them.

Play with your self. I would hope that you know all your erogenous zones. However, many people do not. If you do not masturbate regularly, you do not experience orgasms regularly either. Without them to clue you in, you are not likely to know all the sensitive spots on your body that will excite you when stimulated. Your genitals and your breasts are obvious E-zones. You have many more. Find them all. Start with your clit, since that is the source of your question here, and then once you achieve orgasm, stimulate other ezones while you are also stimulating your clitoris. Eventually, you will be able to have orgasms without stimulating your clitoris directly at all. That will be when you know you have a tiger in your tank.

Have fun, and keep us posted.

Thanks. I ordered several toys and had a few frank discussions with the hubby. I hope that helps. As far as the orgasm goes, I guess I'm not stimulating myself correctly or something. I'll have to keep trying. It's just very frustrating. I'll keep you posted.

[chickenmom]

[sorry. double post.

[chickenmom]

Conversations about sex have to be ongoing events between partners while you are learning. As you accomplish goals, you obviously can be using your mouth to do something other than talking to your mate about sex while you are doing it. But, talking during sex adds to the excitement, and certainly improves both the communication and the sex! Work on relaxation. Trying to hard to have an orgasm is the easiest way NOT to have one. I know that sounds sily, and at cross purposes, but you will have your best orgasms when you are the most relaxed. I am sure any other woman who reads this, and has orgasms whenever will agree with that statement.

Breathe deeply and slowly, and not in little gulps and gasps. Exhale slowly and deeply as you begin to get excited, as if you were blowing out all the birthday candles . Exhale deeply- push that diaphragm up under your ribs, and then when you can't exhale any more, hold it for a count of 5. Then begin to slowly inhale. All during this your husband should be stimulating you, or you can be doing it with a vibrator, or whatever. I know women who learned to orgasm using their electric toothbrushes, putting the back of the brush against their clitoris! It works.

Most women who exhale as I have described lose control somewhere during that 5 count, either the 2nd or 3rd time they reach that time in the sequence. The slow breathing is a standard relaxation technique, so I am not inventing anything new. I just observed that if you do this while being sexually stimulated you are most likely to lose control and go into a nice orgasm or 15! The latter depends on how much, and how long the stimulation continues.

Best wishes. Have fun.

Thanks for the advice. Now I have to be nosy. Are you a physician, or just extremely in tune with women?

[Tyger]

In all actuallity, Howard is a lawyer!! LOL But very in tune with women's bodies after years of "research".

Now, for me, I have to be naked, relaxed, maybe read a porn magazine or even those adult letter magazines (I love those). LOts of clit stimulation. Now, for me, with my Hustler's Rock It Clit stimulator,

http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...ROD&ProdID=4680

I like a firm round motion on my clit. During sex, not firm. When playing with myself, I also use a g-spot vibrator. One of my favs is one I got at an adult toy store. Its slim, but rounded at the top. This is the most similar one on this site that I found of it.

http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...ROD&ProdID=4471

I've also used one of these, and it was so awesome, I wore it out, and need to get a new one!!!

http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...ROD&ProdID=3331

You kinda have to play around with toys (pun intended), cuz what gets one gal off, may not do it for another. Learning your body is key. Also, he's right, you need to not work so hard at it. Maybe just play with yourself, feeling yourself, learning what you like and what you don't. It won't happen overnight. Get comfortable with your body. Do things that you've wondered about, like maybe putting a finger up your anus, or licking your own nipples (if you can do that). Don't worry about facial expressions, if you look fat, or what bills you are going to pay tomorrow. Just concentrate on your body. It's one of the times that you can be selfish for yourself, and it's OK to do that!!

This is the link to the vibrator and massager section. These are different from dildos. Dildos represent a male penis, usually molded after a real one. Complete with veins and balls.

http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...TS&Category=532

I know it's hard to get an idea of what you may like just seeing these things on the WWW, so I suggest that you visit one or several adult shops near you, and look at the packages, feel the item. Price shop. I've found that this site is actually cheaper than going to the store and getting it, even with S&H. You avoid a 3rd party dealing with this site.

Anyway, happy playing, and good luck!!

[Tyger]

Plus, if your husband (and I am just going on what I've seen and heard before from others) didn't know he was getting your spots *aka faking* and you acted like he was, so as not to hurt his feelings. You can't blame him for that. If you've had other lovers and he is doing what is tried and worked on others, then it's up to YOU to tell him that what he's doing isn't cutting the mustard! But most male egos are fragile things, so this must be done gently. Like moving his head, or shifting ever so slightly.

If you feel like you're in heat, well, you're hitting your sexual peak as a woman, so you may very well be doing so.

But, hubby isn't going to be able to do much for you until you know what does it for you too!!!

So, get comfy, watch a porn, read a mag, take a bath, don't stress, relax, and happy exploring!!!

[chickenmom]

Thanks everyone. Hubby and I went toy shopping just a few hours ago. He's older than I am and he's never done that either. It felt right shopping together. We have fully charged batteries and will test a few things tonight. I never thought I'd feel comfortable discussing these things with anyone, but everyone on this site is so caring. It means so much to someone like me. I'll let everyone know how it goes tonight. I'm really excited. Scared, but excited. Wish me luck.

[Tyger]

Good luck!!!

[chickenmom]

Okay everyone. We played with the two items we bought for the last two nights. One really didn't do anything for me, but the other, OH MOMMA! I actually climaxed several times each night. I now know what people are talking about. I should have done this years ago! I asked the hubby if he felt comfortable that I was able to climax with the toys and not him. He had no problem, especially now that he is my "Toymaster." I am so looking forward to trying new toys. I can't believe I actually climaxed. I'm still in shock. I never thought it would happen. I have this forum to thank for it. Y'all gave me the courage. I'll keep you posted.

[Tyger]

Please enlighten us on what worked for you!! We'd love to read about your success!!!

[chickenmom]

Please enlighten us on what worked for you!! We'd love to read about your success!!!

Okay. Here goes. We bought two toys. One was similar to the vibrating cock ring for men with clitorus stimulation. It really didn't do much for us. Everything just got in the way, so we dispensed with that. It'll probably never get used again. The other is a vibrator with a rotating head and rotating beads on the shaft. It also has a bullet. The controls have variable speeds for both items. Seeing as how I had never orgamsed before, I didn't anticipate much. WOW! I was wrong. The girth on the vibrator was average, but the rotating head did the trick. I think I discovered that my g-spot is higher than most. When the rotating head did it's number up there and the bullet hit my clitorus, I literally kicked my husband off the bed. It was hysterical! For the second round, he made sure to hold my legs. Flying through the air was not his cup of tea. The hubby really enjoyed playing with the controls and teasing me with sensations. I thought I would feel rally embarassed or uncomfortable, but after the big O, I could care less. I just know that I like it.

[nosleepnmesa]

Glad to hear and congratulations on the Big O. I have to laugh though since I also have accidently kicked hubby off the bed. Good luck, and thanks for keeping us updated. Glad to hear you found a great toy I have to list one of my favorite G-spot toys though and my hubby loved it to.

http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...ROD&ProdID=4725

The strobe lights my hubby really enjoyed and so did I.

[chickenmom]

The bullet part of the toy died!! Five days and I've already killed it. I am sooo getting another one of those. It just wasn't the same without it. My poor husband is begging for a night off at this point. In the past there was never enough sex for him. Now it's too much. Men. You can never please them.