Too Big. Hitting Her Cervix. Need Help

[NaughtyOrNice]

As the title says, I am to big for my girlfriend. When we have sex I hit her cervix and it can cause her extreme pain to the point where she has actually cried. At one point she has admitted that she is actually "afraid of it". It has had a serious affect on our sex lives

I need some advice.

P.s. We use lube and have a fair amount of foreplay prior to insertion.

[Tyger]

Your profile doesn't say how old you are, so I'm assuming kinda young, like early 20's. I say that because with age comes more experience.

I had a BF that hit my cervix too. He knew he was long & it'd happened to him before too. He was 5 yrsolder than I & had warned me this might happen. Before we actually slept together, I thought he was being slightly arrogant. Nope, he was telling the truth.

Anyway, with each woman, he had to learn how deep he could really go. Every woman is shaped differently, and, just like a man, their vaginas come in different lengths. You're going to have to learn how far you can go, with her help, and remember where on your cock, you have to stop.

I'm not saying this won't happen ever, once you've learned the limit.

During sexual arousal in women, physical changes happen internally, just like a man's obvious hard-on, women have things happen too. These things happen inside her body when she's really excited:

Blood goes to the breasts (usualy in women that haven't breastfeed), nipples get larger, outer labia flattens while the inner labia fills with blood, and the uterus moves up and out of the way of the vagina.

Now, just because you're hitting her cervix doesn't mean she's not excited. There are men that are just a bit too long for their partner's bodies. However, now that she's scare of the pain (was she a virgin?) she may not be getting truly excited. For women, our excitement starts in our heads. Hence the desire to be romanced. If she's scared or over-thinking things, she's hindering her body's ability to become truly excited.

I would suggest lots and lots of foreplay. That doesn't mean 10 minutes of petting and then gettin' down to business. Romance her, touch her, oral her, talk to her, ask her things like "what do you want me to do". You'll KNOW when she's ready for it because she'll be begging, panting, flushed, and very wet. You still may need to use lube if you're larger, so keep some on hand just in case.

Kuddos to you for finding a place to get information from & wanting to please her!!! By the way, the website I got some of the information from about sexual arousal is:

http://site.themarriagebed.com/the-anatomy-of-female-arousal

It never hurts to find out more about your bodies. I STILL research things like this and I'm going to be 40 in a few months. So, Very good for wanting to help her make sex more enjoyable and you're willingness to be open about it!!! Good luck & best wishes. I hope this info helps.

[NaughtyOrNice]

Yeah, correct. Early twenties. Similar situation to the one you described. She wasn't a virgin. And at first she wasn't scared, the anxiety only appeared after having sex a dozen or so times. Each time I would do what you told me (finding a place on my cock and not going past it) but either I would get too into it and forget after a while or we would switch positions and I would have to find a new spot because angle and depth changed.

I have tried romancing and exciting her until she asked for it inside her. Hell I have even let her be on top(where she has the most control of depth and angle) the whole time. Still it ends up hitting it.

I've looked up everything from positions to anything to make it smaller, with little success. I have found a few positions, but not many(maybe 3 that work for us). It's true we have found positions that make it easier, but that severely limits what we can do.

[bbarney]

I was thinking about this overnight because i felt Tyger answered this sufficiently. I had an idea that might help you with your situation though. Have you tried the use of cock rings? Something fairly large in width might be best. You could position it a bit ahead of your maximum depth and so when you penetrate you are reminding yourself how far you can go, it will help finding a rythm as well as give her the clitoral stimulation she might be lacking. I of course am assuming there is little stimulation because by not being able to fully penetrate your pelvic bone wont be against hers.

As far as positions go, you are of course limited currently but only by your imagination. While the more "conventional" positions may be difficult, it takes some experience and training to do those. There are also others that may be possible. In my own life I only have this problem with both of her legs up, however over time there have been cases where we can do both legs up without her feeling pain just by me knowing when I cant go further. Keep in mind only the first inch or so of your penis needs stimulation for ejaculation. Controlling the movements even during arousal can be far more pleasurable than just letting go.

I have also seen quite a few positive things about Kama-sutra and the different books on it. Though I have not tried it myself, it may be something worth investigating. If I am not mistaken, a member of these forums even reported orgasm that was satisfying without constant stimulation.

[NaughtyOrNice]

I believe she answered it very good as well. Unfortunetly, the same information she gave me is the same information I found on google. Information I have tried very much to work on over the past 6 months.

I wish it was only with her legs up things would so much easier. I will definetly check out the ring idea.

Thank you both for your advice. I will try to keep you updated

[bbarney]

I wanted to post this before but didnt have time. I am sure you already know but it is always worth repeating. Make sure during this time you are both communicating. It is sometimes easy for us to think that our partner knows our thoughts, but sometimes we make big mistakes and don't even know we are making them. Having her do research as well can't hurt, or doing it together. Some of the most effective techniques that I have found in my own life were found with my girlfriend helping me. She knows what she likes, I know what I like, its just more effective.

The second thing to do, even if you have already, is learn new ways to use your hands. Fingering her (if she is comfortable with it) is a great way to explore and play. I used to be incredibly bad with my hands, so much so that no matter what I did with my fingers inside her, she only wanted me to stop. I learned over time how to use my hands in ways that gets her over the top, and I don't even have to touch her clitoris. This is also a great way to ensure she is fully in the mood, and maybe experiment (if she gives the "ok") with putting your fingers deeper. Though I doubt your middle finger is as long as your penis, its a good way to explore and get a better idea of what she may be feeling during sex. I spent countless hours learning what she should look like inside, diagrams and pictures and articles. None of them taught me as much as thirty minutes of "hands-on experience".

In your initial post you did say you use plenty of lube. What kind of lube do you use? Some are more effective than others depending on the application. I personally love my Sweet Licks lube for oral, but it is horrible for anal. I have other lubes that are perfect for anal but can't be used effectively vaginally. Finally there are the lubes that are almost as good as her natural lubrication, but cant be used elsewhere. Water based lubes work well, and recently i got a water/silicone hybrid that I love. Specifically one that is gel-like in texture will work best because they break down once friction is applied an apply far more lubrication over an area. This will make it easier, but obviously wont solve the problem.

You also may want to consider finding a long dildo. Whatever your length is, go for something similar. So if you were 9" for example, go for a 9.5" or 10". Do not insert the whole thing, that would be bad. Instead work with her, pleasure her, and see what she is comfortable with (or have her insert it). This may give you a better idea of what and where is causing her pain, and is much easier than figuring it out in the heat of the moment.

As I mentioned before, sex positions are vital. Some you may want to consider are spooning, both standing, and her on top of you with her butt on your stomach. This final one will allow her to lower herself, and might be better than cowgirl because of the angle.

The good news is that no matter what, as long as you two work together you will find a pleasurable method of having sex.