bbarney

I can certainly understand the appeal of those online chat sites. There is something that makes the experience more erotic because you are living wholly in a fantasy and you can act out those fantasies as long as you have a willing partner. I think the danger though is that it is very easy to reap large rewards and it can become addictive and dangerous. If you are feeling like its time to stop then there is no one on here that would be right in telling you otherwise. You know what is best for you. At the same time though, I think it would be good for you to find someone you can open up to (as Tyger said) and release that tension in a healthier manner. Cybersex is great and it has its time and place, but you dont want to use it as a way to deal with the deeper issues. If you are using it for your sexual health, and you feel comfortable, then there is nothing wrong. On the other hand, if you are using it in lieu of healing, then you need to find a way to heal first.

I tried shaving once. I don't know how either guys manage it, but it was painful due to the short hairs. She wasn't a fan of it either. I have trimmed the hair a few times since just to keep it neat for her. She tends to prefer it as it is though so I'm not one to complain :).

Those who know me may have seen me active two years ago, and since then I have kind of gone off the radar. I checked in to the forums from time to time, but otherwise I was busy and didn't have enough time to really sit down and enjoy myself. Of course, I had free time, but most of that time was spent just decompressing while playing video games instead of getting to enjoy myself on the forums. So hopefully now that things have settled down, I will have more time to really enjoy myself on the forums instead. What's important about the last two years? Well in 2013 I finished my UG degree in creative writing, and then I jumped straight into the MFA program for creative writing. That took a lot more of my writing energy than I really expected it to. I did earn my MFA of course, but I haven't really been putting myself into writing unless it is academics, so hopefully I can find some of that passion here again. I also finally moved into my own place with my girlfriend (the same one) which has given me a lot more space to express myself sexually versus the very conservative home of my parents that I was living in. In that time I have learned a lot about myself though. My girlfriend and I had numerous fights about any kind of sexting. I love dirty talk and the tease. She hates it. It hasn't improved much in that time, though she is somewhat more reluctant (in very rare occasions, and only for one or two texts). I did learn something about myself though because of it. I am not sure how many men share this, but I love it when my fantasy is a turn on for someone else, namely women. I love it even more if they tell me that it is making them wet. I suspect that many men enjoy this, but I would almost rather prefer knowing that my fantasy is making the woman wet than actually acting on the fantasy itself. While I don't think I will really have the opportunity to share this with my girlfriend in the near future, I am hoping that instead of expending that energy, and ultimately leading the two of us into confrontation, I can bring that energy back here and just enjoy myself again. So hopefully you will be seeing more of me on the forums, and (also hopefully) I will be getting back into reviews once again. I have neglected the toys for too long, and hope to jump back in with them feet first.

Exactly like that. Just say that you want him to be more dominant, take more control. Maybe even watch some porn together depicting what you are interested in.

I would likely go with the delight. But it definitely depends on preference. The delight appears like it would be better for stimulation by size, and variation in width of the bulbs. The plug would be more from the stimulation of the expansion and contraction. I would be wary of suction cups though. While RC4 may have had good luck, I have personally had my share of bad suction cups. Don't get me wrong, the one suction cup that I have that works is amazing, but I would decide more on the main features of the toy (unless someone vouches for the suction cup design in advance, or unless you don't mind it not working out). Suction cups also work best on flat smooth surfaces, so bathroom tile walls wont be as ideal as glass, or smooth surface walls.

For a beginner I would probably suggest getting two separate toys and using them at the same time. Bullets are perfect for beginners because they are easy to use and great for clit stimulation. G-spot vibes are slightly trickier because you need that upward curve on the head, and everyone is different. I dont really think there is a 100 percent success rate for specific g-spot vibes. That being said, if you just want one toy and to be done with it, youll want a rabbit with a rounded curved head. http://www.tootimid.com/the-big-g-vibe-silicone-waterproof-6168.html This one should do the trick, and it is on the cheaper side for that type of toy. There are more expensive ones that have reviews, but its up to you how much you are willing to invest in a first try. Hope this helps.

Would love to see people in the chat room more often. This is a great community with great people!

As some of you may know, I am a writer. I recently graduated with both my BA's and I am currently working on m master's. I am used to writing at a degree higher than paperback fiction. Frankly, my professors would not allow anything less than a story that gets to the heart of the character etc. etc. However, that being said, I had the thought recently to try writing erotica, and to try writing it for profit. The idea mostly came to me because I was talking to people about kinks and fetishes and it was quite enjoyable, because there is a lot you can learn from someone who has done it, but I kept getting asked the same questions. The first being "Are you actually 22?" and this is a question I have been asked before (because for some reason 22 year olds often don't take the time to learn in order to please their partner) and then the question "Do you write erotica?" I have never written it before, I have been curious though. My main hang up as I am considering it, is if there are any rules that I would not usually suspect. What I mean by this is what I would expect of erotica is usual description working toward a scene that is a turn on, that builds a sexual tension and narrative. Instead I saw an example where at one point, the woman becoming turned on and getting wet was instead referred to as "her vertical juices flowing out of her." Really? Is that a turn on? Because I think if I was reading that I would either start laughing, or put it down. Is that just a different market? So I guess I am mostly wondering, has anyone written or tried to write erotica? How did it go and what did you learn?

So I have always loved taking sex out of the bedroom, my girlfriend isn't the biggest fan but often is willing to give it a shot. We have tried many different wireless vibes, all designed as panty vibes, and not one of them has been rewarding. The initial one was cheap and housed a bullet in the panties, it did nothing for her and was uncomfortable. Then the mistake of getting ones that turned out to not have a remote. Finally the most recent one was an egg, and again no reward from having a vibrating egg inside of her. Have any of you come across a vibe that is able to stimulate the clit, is not uncomfortable or noticeable, is quiet enough that we wouldn't draw attention, and that does have a usable remote? I know it is a lot of criteria, but I am not willing to drop another 60 or 70 dollars on a toy I won't use. I came across the Ohmibod Blub Vibe 2.Oh which looks nice, but people say it is pretty loud. The lelo lyla 2 also looks nice. I am willing to consider an expensive toy if it has a proven ability to work well.

Ask her if she has tried wands. The hitachi is the most well known, but I decided a while back to get my gf a magic mini as a gift, and it is one of her favorites. Cheap too (I think it was around ten or fifteen dollars). Rabbits are always good too. but tend to be a bit pricier. I also highly recommend toys with a clit stimulator that is separate from the insertable portion because it allows greater control over the stimulation.

You know your post reminds me of a toy that the two of you might enjoy. It is called the We Vibe and though it is pricey ($130) it is fantastic. It gets inserted and then penetration carries as usual. The benefit is that the toy is stimulating her clitoris while you are penetrating her (and the vibrations dont feel too bad for the male either ) the first time we used it she was over the top ecstatic about the toy. I highly recommend it if you are finding that toys are really the only thing able to give her that feeling at the moment.

When kissing and such I keep my eyes closed. Otherwise open. Sometimes I close them because it is a different feeling but rarely do I keep them shut.

Once I found the G-Spot and I was stimulating her it took about five or ten minutes I think. Now though I can get her to orgasm pretty quickly, maybe two or three if I do it right.

Then they have a return policy. If it breaks in the first year you can return it for a replacement. If you don't like it within thirty days of purchase then you can return it and pick something else out. http://www.tootimid.com/return-policy.html The people in customer service are amazing, and extremely helpful. So I would just contact them and let them know what the issue is. I am sure it wont be an issue.

It wasn't immediate that she knew it, and you certainly have to be in the mood. If youre not aroused already then it isn't going to be a sudden explosion of amazement. However if youre aroused and youre playing around in that area with that kind of toy, you will quickly learn how to stimulate it.

Was it from TooTimid?

Well first off, you mentioned that he can maintain an erection while masturbating. That is a good sign. What it means is it is not a physical issue (most likely) it is more pf a psychological issue. Have you ever managed to achieve penetration, or has he never been able to be erect at even the start? If you have been able to, could he just not maintain it during? Did it not feel good/could he not achieve orgasm? If he is unable to even penetrate start on the psychological end. Whether we realize it or not, I would say roughly 80 percent of maintaining an erection is the psychological aspect. It doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you, but it is plausible that he may be stressed out. Often this is something with the subconscious, either a bad experience in the past, or a new environment. It could resolve itself and the best method for dealing with this issue would be to just talk. Also consider if he can maintain an erection during foreplay, and not just sex. It would help pinpoint where the issue he is having may be. Now if he can penetrate but the erection is lost during sex. Then it could be a couple of things. He could be stressed about the desire to either perform or climax. He could also be stressed about something with the act of penetration (again the possibility of a past event). Or less likely there could be a loss of stimulation whether it is a bad position, too wet, or something of that kind of thing. Heres an article on the psychological side of things. I hope it helps:http://www.healthcentral.com/erectile-dysfunction/qa-2987-143.html

G-spots can be a bit tricky to find. I would definitely say that they can vary. Some are more sensitive than others, deeper in or closer to the opening, etc. I obviously don't have one so I only have limited knowledge on finding it yourself. However I have experimented with my girlfriend. For three years I thought I knew where my girlfriend's was. However no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get it to work for her. However just a bit deeper, there's a smaller area that I know by a small protrusion worked very well. I could get her to orgasm three or four times in a row which I can't do clitorally very easily. It was fairly easy to stimulate too. So I would suggest going a bit deeper. As far as finding it, there are fairly inexpensive G-spot toys. Try something that is hard plastic, vibrates or not, and use that. It will have a bend in it with a bulbous head. Run that with the head pointing up pressing into the top wall of your vagina. Experiment and find where it feels good and where it doesn't. More likely than not youll be able to find it that way.

I would say that it depends on what you mean by huge. If its at a 90 degree angle then I would return it and request a new one. If its closer to a 45 then I would try using it. I bought my girlfriend one that rotates similarly once and though we were both surprised and frightened by how big of a circle it makes, we gave it a shot. She loves it and still uses it. Give yours a try and if you don't like it return and try again.

Hi there. I want to start by letting you know that there are others out there with similar if not the same issues. Regretfully, it isn't a quick fix you buy a certain book, read it, and youre fine again kind of thing. From what it sounds like, it is more likely that there is a psychological block that has been caused by trauma from your parents. I am hesitant to use the word trauma because it has very strongly negative connotations (such as sexual abuse) but in fact it is a form of trauma that you are experiencing. There is hope though. I for myself was a very introverted sexual being. I of course got sexually aroused but I did not talk about it and I thought I was a bad person for it. Being raised in a christian household there was no discussion of masturbation, pornography was degrading to women and the work of the devil, and my parents still think I am a virgin because if I were to talk openly about the fact that my girlfriend and I are having sex they would automatically say that I will end up getting her pregnant and likely burst into tears. My girlfriend on the other hand did not like being touched sexually, and had some psychological/emotional issues that made being intimate difficult. When we first started having sex I honestly thought we would never be able to have sex normally.We do though. Four years later we have one of the best kinds of sexual relationships, we can try new things knowing the other wont judge. I will start by giving the advice that I give pretty much anyone with an issue that can be relationship related, and whether or not it fixes the issue it is good advice. Focus on your intimacy first, that doesn't mean getting it in and getting eachother off. It means the romantic connection the two of you have. The honesty you have between the two of you. Even if you spend car rides or nights before going to sleep telling eachother childhood stories. It will help develop a bond that will promote a feeling of security. The security issue is likely the thing that is most difficult for you at the moment, and to feel secure will be the first step in healing. I assume you have spoken with your boyfriend openly about this, but if you havent you should. Let him know what is going on and what you are feeling. Next maybe make a sexual journal. It can be anything from just expressing the emotions that you feel are causing the issues, maybe things that excite you sexually or otherwise. Try to work out any tension. Journaling has been proven to be effective for psychological issues among other things, and it may help. Finally, if you cant resolve this on your own, or with the research you manage to find, I would consider some kind of therapist. If you cant afford one then maybe see if you can find a column or site where you can ask and be answered. Or see if your health insurance will cover it (I remember my Psych professor saying most patients are insured and thats how the therapists get paid). Just know that you're not abnormal, and youre not broken. There are people out there who are repressed or just arent interested in sex at all (i have met a few believe it or not). I really hope this helps in some way, and keep us updated if anything changes.

Believe it or not, the average length is only 5.6 which isnt that much longer than yourself and even then you will find that once you know how to please her while fucking her, the length isn't as important. I dont know the statistics off the top of my head, but very very few women can orgasm from penetration alone. It is primarily about the clit and foreplay. I myself am around 7 1/2 inches when fully erect and sometimes it is more of an encumbrance more than it is a benefit. I can't put her legs up because it hurts her (it goes too deep), anal sex is very difficult to accomplish without hurting her, try as she might it is very difficult for her to take me fully in her mouth, etc. I think the best thing would be to learn position that allow you to go deeper (if she wants that) such as legs up on your shoulders. Also, focus a lot on moving your pelvis against hers. It used to be impossible (for approx the first year or more of our relationship) for me to successfully get her to orgasm during sex without playing with her during or after. Once I figured out how to move just right (and to play with her plenty ahead of time, whether or not she wants to jump right into it) she can successfully orgasm roughly 90 percent of the time. So ultimately, I dont think that the length is going to make much of a difference if you know how to use it right.

From personal experience the only real anal stimulation out there is a prostate massager. Some of these stay in pretty well, others not so much.

I am the same way with my girlfriend, I would never do anything to hurt her intentionally (i say intentionally because there have been plenty of accidents where an elbow or leg goes awry) and I treat her as women should be treated, with respect and dignity. I love her dearly. However, that being said, in the bedroom when we both have communicated our desires and fantasies I know I can be a bit rougher. We both thoroughly enjoy spanking (giving and receiving on both ends) but when I spank her, I don't do it to hurt her, I do it for the erotic sense of it. Communication is obviously key, and if she has a certain comfort limit and yours is more relaxed or more restrictive than hers you will need to make sure there is a very open line of communication. As long as you can communicate, there shouldn't be any issues. Trust me, if she wants a spanking and you end up giving it to her, it is nothing like slapping her across the face, there is an actual pleasure to it. Role play in the bedroom is a lot of fun!

Many women experience little pleasure from just the act of penetration. The bundle of nerves that provides the orgasm (generally speaking) is focused on the clitoris. Much like how a man receives pleasure from the soft spot on the underside of his penis versus the entire thing. While the area has feeling, you are more likely to experience pleasure from stimulating the clit. If dildos are necessary I would suggest a rabbit, or something with a dildo and a vibrating bullet attached. Otherwise you should consider just bullets/vibrators. As far as feeling when a man penetrates you, that has its obvious differences from a dildo which would explain why one provides pleasure and the other doesn't. You could also try different material dildo's and or larger sizes. Experimentation is always good, you never know exactly what you'll enjoy without giving it a chance.

Hi Diana, My best guess is that you are having some type of squirting orgasm. I admittedly don't know enough on the subject to tell you if there should be a urine smell (though I am sure of the fact that the ejaculation isn't urine, it just comes from the same hole). These orgasm are frequently attained through g-spot stimulation though I am pretty sure that it is possible for a clitoral orgasm to cause this. As far as not feeling anything inside, is it not lubricated (ie. dry) or is it just not soaked? I wouldn't be concerned unless it is causing an issue for you, or if you are experiencing pain or other symptoms that should raise concern.