Post Hysterectomy

[scrumpy]

We have been married for fifteen years( both are in our early forties).Two years ago my dear wife underwent a complete hysterectomy due to a large growth in her uterus. At that time she chose to have her ovaries removed as well because of a family history of cervical cancer and not wanting to have to go through it all again. It made sense to me too at the time.(There was only a matter of a couple of days to make the decision prior to the surger and to be honest any information available pointed to this route)However in the last two years our sex life has been seriously affected. It has become almost a case of her just wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible and then going to sleep. Myself on the other hand seems to be the one out gathering information (courtesy of the internet and places of open discussion such as this) to try and revive the fun/spark in the bedroom. We've been shopping (toys, costumes, lingerie) but to be honest most of the items haven't seen the light of day since coming home. I know she feels bad about the situation too ( she tells me so) but she doesn't seem to really want to try. (I guess thats the most frustrating Part).

I know there is no miracle cure at the moment for ladies with a loss of sexual desire, but I was hoping that maybe there are some women that may have worked through this and are willing to share their thoughts.

Truthully my end goal is to point her towards this forum, so that maybe she can find answers for herself without any pressures from me.

[Mikayla1]

Hi Scrumpy and WELCOME!

There is A LOT of information out there for women in your wife's situation. I have read up on it for my mother-in-law who asked me (yes, she actually did) about helping her sex drive since she had a hyseterectomy as well.

What I discovered is that the loss of hormones because of the loss of the organs is what causes the loss of sex drive. It is like your brain knows you want sex, but the desire is completely gone. There is none at all. Then, the longer you go without it, the more guilt builds up, etc. Soon, you have sex to have sex, and there is no joy in it. Plus, the lubrication of the vagina is affected, as well as general sensitivity to the clitoris. It is not a good situation to be in - for her or for you.

I am happy you are trying to find her some help. As you can tell, getting the toys, lingerie, games that doesn't help because the WILL itself is not there. What I discovered through my reading was that most times it takes a medicinal therapy (hormone replacement) combined with other options such as a sensitivity cream (such as Viva clitoral cream) to make the feelings come back. Also, your wife may require A LOT more foreplay than she has previously needed. She now needs to be so totally worked up that it is no longer just easy to have sex.

I would suggest googling "sexual desire decrease after hysterectomy" and reading up on it. If you need specific sites or suggestions, PM me and I will try to help. I would suggest trying to talk to her doctor about specific hormone replacement therapies as well as getting her some of the Viva Cream to try and at least help with the sensitivity issues.

It is unfortunate that this happens - but it does - so hopefully you can get some good advice and find a way to make your sex life better for your wife and for you!

Good Luck,

Mikayla

[househunter]

Hi Scrumpy and WELCOME!

There is A LOT of information out there for women in your wife's situation. I have read up on it for my mother-in-law who asked me (yes, she actually did) about helping her sex drive since she had a hyseterectomy as well.

What I discovered is that the loss of hormones because of the loss of the organs is what causes the loss of sex drive. It is like your brain knows you want sex, but the desire is completely gone. There is none at all. Then, the longer you go without it, the more guilt builds up, etc. Soon, you have sex to have sex, and there is no joy in it. Plus, the lubrication of the vagina is affected, as well as general sensitivity to the clitoris. It is not a good situation to be in - for her or for you.

I am happy you are trying to find her some help. As you can tell, getting the toys, lingerie, games that doesn't help because the WILL itself is not there. What I discovered through my reading was that most times it takes a medicinal therapy (hormone replacement) combined with other options such as a sensitivity cream (such as Viva clitoral cream) to make the feelings come back. Also, your wife may require A LOT more foreplay than she has previously needed. She now needs to be so totally worked up that it is no longer just easy to have sex.

I would suggest googling "sexual desire decrease after hysterectomy" and reading up on it. If you need specific sites or suggestions, PM me and I will try to help. I would suggest trying to talk to her doctor about specific hormone replacement therapies as well as getting her some of the Viva Cream to try and at least help with the sensitivity issues.

It is unfortunate that this happens - but it does - so hopefully you can get some good advice and find a way to make your sex life better for your wife and for you!

Good Luck,

Mikayla

Me and my wife where in about the same way. I am gald that you are researching to see what else there is that could help. There are some natural herbs that can help with the hormone replacement. But do get check with her OB Doctor first. It very well could be a medical problem that is unforcen. (sp) I have learned that women are like diesel motors. It takes them a long time to warm up. But after they are warm up and their vagina is all wet they can run for hours. We use the Viva Cream to help my wife speed up to my speed and it does help out a lot.

You also might want to try and do it outside of the bedroom, like a park, back yard , or your car parked in the garage to make a change. Some where different than the bedroom. That should help spark her sex drive.