How To Tell Partner What I Need

[rosamaba]

i enjoy anal stimuli.. with my past partners I would have anal sex to meet this need, and every past partner wanted to have anal so it wasn't a problem.

I have been with my current partner for 4 and a half years..

In the beginning of the relationship I told him that one thing he could do for me to make me feel better was that...

he finds it disgusting but tried and he is too big - 9long 6thick it was okay but uncomforatable and if we dont have sex very often vaginally that is hard too. it didnt feel good for him.

I guess i want to try dp or anal stimulization during sex or foreplay or when he is going down on me...

i do that to myslef when i am masterbating but havent been able to ask him to do it for me with finger toy whatever

we have a very open relationship for the most part he has no prob telling me what he needs, but i cant seem to get out verbalize what i need

i still have a hard time masterbating in front of him esp because our taste in porn etc differs & im afraid to tell him what I like since i like watching orgies, 3somes, anal & hard sex which is not ussually what he watches.

plus i obviously dont stimulate myself analy when i masterbate infront of him because i still havent really told him about that...

i own no toys but want to, and am having a hard time telling him that to but i dont want to hide it from him, i mentioned it he asked if i wanted one i said yes but it never went anywhere -hes not the kind of guy to get jealous over a toy and size isn't a issue for him feeling small or anything but i still dont know why i have such a hard time telling him what i want/need

he also likes me to take control in bed which is hard for me...

I know thats a lot of info just looking for any suggestions and or advice, our sex life seems in a rut lately after being people who had sex everywhere & all the time i think if i can get myself more fufilled then i can me more into sex & therefore try harder i dunno.

any help would be great thanks

[rosamaba]

just to clear a few things up-

hes not my husband or even fiance

we live together weve talked about getting married but havent yet.

hes a great lover, or rather was. i am able to show &tell him what to do to please me, he is great at oral and can even get me to cum/squirt -that he taught me.

we have not had children together

umm the problem is that

Lately sex has been few and far inbetween and when we have it its missonary or me standing bent over the bed etc. there is a reaon for this - I had knee surgery so i still cannot get on my knees or in uncomforatable positions for the full course : / , and ive also had frequent yeast infections for no aparent reason that we just got over, and he is really big so if we stop having sex on a daily basis it hurts & takes a while to get back to normal...

that is why anal didnt work i dont think we were doing anything wrong- but he had no interest in trying to do it again he is whole heartedly against it.

again we've pretty much shared everything ecept me not sharing some of the deeper sex stuff that im scared to mention...

i guess because hes soo against anal im afraid to mention toys &anal....

thanks you for your long thought out response... i know i need to talk to him

he is not making me orgasm anymore he only tries to do it during sex now with fingers but sometimes i am too sensitive for fingers and need just straight oral... he doesn't seem to get that even though i have told him many times.

there is a fairness issue because i want him to give me an orgasm or let myself give me one everytime we have sex so i feel good too... but he feels like if he goes down on me i should to him tit for tat... but he is someone who has never gotten off by way of bj and im the 1st to do it butit takes like 2 hours, and ive been told im good at what i do... so due to his size & the 2hours to cum i dont go down on him to completion very often....

anywho hope to hear more. ttyl

maybe the toys would be a good start cause the faster he can make me orgasm the better for him, wont feel like as much work? i dunno....

he is the first to give me multiple orgasms liek i think 17 in a row was the record...

but that was a while ago and he thinks well 17 and your good to go for a couple weeks, and i keep saying id rather just have one each time we have sex than a bunch at a time....

i dunno i talk and i talk i do say things to him but it hasn't gotten me anywhere really yet.

[rosamaba]

thanks

yeah i have thought about it... leaving or threatening but then i convince myself that im making a big deal about something no tthat big.... then i tel myself it is a big deal back and forth in my head... i guess its hard cause i luv him hes really been there for me & its been almost 5 years...

yeah its in his head he needs to be in control physically to get off... otherwise it takes soo long and i have tmj so i havent been able to go for the 2hours in a realy long time so i can understand he wants some extra attention ...

yeah.. i need to voice my opinions more....

he is also uncircumsized and until he was 17 he had no opening well very little & he decided to get circumcised so he could masterbate easier & have sex without pain... but because for so long his head wasn't exposed at all he is really sensitive -it has gotten better but it has been a slow battle though.

thanks for your responses...

i told him that maybe i shoudl dump him & start dating a girl.. cause im bi & said that why id get what i want more often since she wouldnt have a cock.. i said it half jokingly but he didnt seem to care or take it serously...

anywho your right on most of what you said. I just gotta figure out how to say what i need to & really get him to listen cause ive said it before & it gets better then it goes back to less me...

i guess i am having a hard time because ive had so many health problems recently that i feel bad asking for him to give me more when i cant physically give him lots of things & i am so tired after work that i dont have energy cause i am in pain cause im still healing. i tell him if he works on me then i wil b n the mood no matter how sore tired.... but it doesnt usually happen that way & when i start stuff it usually ends up being about him.

plus i think between work school &taking care of me chores &financially because i was out for 2months due to the surgery...

i know i shouldnt feel bad but i do but i just keep going back & forth cause if you love someone it shouldnt be so much about me me me or about tit for tat, i go the extra mile and leave myself needing something i stay up late & wake up earlier than him to make lunches etc which i dont mind perhaps he has gotten too used to me doing things for him i think...

Howard