Newbie LadiBug Posted January 28, 2020 Newbie Report Share Posted January 28, 2020 So I feel I have an uncommon relationship with sex in general.🤔 I consider myself to be pansexual; I am attracted to people physically; and I have dated before. But if it comes up where sex is a real opportunity in that moment, I feel kind of uneasy? Like it’s not a body image thing or an abstinence thing, it just feels off. I’m not against sex in any way, and I feel like I have been with people I would want to have sex with. I masturbate a fairly normal amount, but once another person is thrown in there, I just don’t know why I feel that way? And I want to be able to have sex, but there’s just something stopping me from seeing it through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members twin spirits Posted March 21, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2020 If I understand correctly you are a virgin? That in itself may be why you are having difficulty with another person. Plus you have isolated yourself (a good thing in this time) and are trying to satisfy your sexual needs by masturbating. Identifying as a pan sexual would seem to make finding a sexual partner easier but for whatever reason it’s not. It could be as simple that you just haven’t met the person yet. I like to have an emotional connection with the person before I have a sexual connection with them. So, I don’t think its just you but relationships are always complicated... even if its just a one night stand. I hope this helps in some small way. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bigirlhaggen Posted March 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 Can I comment on this girlfriend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bigirlhaggen Posted March 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 May I ask you what you fantasize about while you're masturbing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bigirlhaggen Posted March 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 And your relationship with sex isn't in any way WEIRD believe me 😉 sex is what ever you want it to be, seriously , I'm the ultimate masturbater I love playing with myself very much but enough about me 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie LadiBug Posted March 22, 2020 Author Newbie Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 9 hours ago, twin spirits said: If I understand correctly you are a virgin? That in itself may be why you are having difficulty with another person. Plus you have isolated yourself (a good thing in this time) and are trying to satisfy your sexual needs by masturbating. Identifying as a pan sexual would seem to make finding a sexual partner easier but for whatever reason it’s not. It could be as simple that you just haven’t met the person yet. I like to have an emotional connection with the person before I have a sexual connection with them. So, I don’t think its just you but relationships are always complicated... even if its just a one night stand. I hope this helps in some small way. Oh no! Your input is really helpful! But I realize I didn’t mention that I also identify as demi-romantic as well😅 I find the concept of virginity to be pretty subjective, but yeah in simplest terms I am a virgin. I guess personally the concern I had was if it really even mattered? There’s this grey area between “emotionally fulfilling relationship” and “no strings attached” that I wish was easier to get to? Maybe I should put in more work to figure it out lol 🙃 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie LadiBug Posted March 22, 2020 Author Newbie Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 3 hours ago, Bigirlhaggen said: May I ask you what you fantasize about while you're masturbing? Bit of everything I guess? Within safe, consensual guidelines👍 My fantasizes can involve me, people I know, celebrities, or characters Porn wise I lean towards (male/female/non-specific): pussy play, masturbation, hentai, light bdsm, spanking, and dirty talk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members twin spirits Posted March 22, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 9 hours ago, LadiBug said: Oh no! Your input is really helpful! But I realize I didn’t mention that I also identify as demi-romantic as well😅 I find the concept of virginity to be pretty subjective, but yeah in simplest terms I am a virgin. I guess personally the concern I had was if it really even mattered? There’s this grey area between “emotionally fulfilling relationship” and “no strings attached” that I wish was easier to get to? Maybe I should put in more work to figure it out lol 🙃 Being a romantic is tough. I know because I am one. Tendency to be idealistic and emotional. Also to be an individualist which can create a sense of being isolated. You basically dance to the beat of a different drum. All of this imbedded as part of your personality. I agree that being a virgin can be nothing more but a state of mind. Does it matter? Only if you think so. But it does come into play because you haven’t had a sexual experience with another person. How do you imagine that sexual experience to be? I think in your case it’s more let’s get this first time over with so you can move on. Make sense? Maybe the easiest path for you is just to pick someone up and get it over with? A no strings attached deal. I’d volunteer but two romantics can often be a disaster. Lots to think about but don’t over think this. Maybe you shouldn’t put so much pressure on yourself and just wait for it to happen. Maybe that’s the reason it feels wrong. Don’t pressure yourself. Well I do hope that all of helps in some small way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bigirlhaggen Posted March 25, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 On 3/22/2020 at 12:36 AM, LadiBug said: Bit of everything I guess? Within safe, consensual guidelines👍 My fantasizes can involve me, people I know, celebrities, or characters Porn wise I lean towards (male/female/non-specific): pussy play, masturbation, hentai, light bdsm, spanking, and dirty talk All that's wonderful things so why do you say you have a weird relationship with sex? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted March 26, 2020 Report Share Posted March 26, 2020 So, here's some of my take on all of this....you know, since you asked. First off, please bare with me. I'm almost 50 (yet still sexy), so I may have some "old school" ways of thinking. However, I DID grow up in the 80's, and am one of the most free-thinking people in my family......... All of these labels, and "I identify with's" may give you a better sense of self, which is good, but (of course there's a but), it can also make your way of thinking overly anal-no pun intended. If you over-think things, it can over-complicate your life. When I was growing up, I never thought of different people as weird or odd or bad. Gay people came up in the public eye more....unfortunately a lot had to do with the emergence of AIDS, but more and more, gay people were coming out....quite literally. I didn't give 2 thoughts about it. Basically, you had gay men, lesbians, and then a bit later on to cover those that like both: bisexuals. That was it, and that was ok! All of these other labels added to the LGBT acronym is growing, and almost will grow to encompass the entire alphabet! LOL Seriously though. Many people in the LGBT community are accepting, but at the same time, just think the over-analytical aspect of being so microscopically specific on how someone is, is actually making it harder for straight people to take us seriously. Think about it: do straight people say "I'm straight, with a tendency to be attracted to people that are short, with black hair, small feet with painted toes, and blue eyes"?......... I'm now in a relationship with a woman (5.5 yrs). Before that, I've always been in relationships with men. l have yet to truly "label" myself, and I probably never will. My girlfriend doesn't even go so far as say she's a lesbian-probably because it's obvious, but also, she just says she's "gay". Simple, easy, and everyone knows what you mean. So, I do understand what you are talking about, so I'm not just spouting off on things I know nothing about. Please believe me. I noticed even the question of "are you a virgin?" was over-thought. It's actually a basic, normal question that's an easy yes or no. So, if you "boil it down" and simplify the answers, then, you may find that you can actually come to some decisions and ways of thinking easier. Not having sex is, basically, not weird. If you haven't found the right person yet, that's ok. Standards are really important. If you're not ready, you're not ready. It's as simple as that. Whether you have sex with a girl first, or a guy first, is totally up to you. It's that simple. Romance can be very exciting and a bonding thing. Again, in today's way of thinking of almost being literally "fast & furious", romance is a dying thing. When I was on the dating scene, I was doing more online searching. And, even guys my age, were ridiculous!!! I mean, I had put on all of my profiles "no dick pics". Guess what I got the most of? One guy I actually went out with put me thru "tests".....where, our first kiss, he said after-"well, you passed that test". Then tested me by bringing me to his friend's house. Like I was trying to get a degree from him. Seriously??? I then opened up my profile to No Preference, and my now GF hit me up. Our first night together was soooo romantic, well thought out, and so sweet. She knew it was my first time with a woman, and knew I wasn't even sure if I'd go thru with it. She was very considerate. Our first date was well thought out and very nice. I did the over-thinking thing too, and got scared. But, after speaking with a great friend of mine, asked for a second chance. I got very lucky. Please don't think I'm belittling you in anyway. I'm not trying to do so at all. I truly think that knowing oneself is very important. I do. I also think that a higher level of thinking is a sign of intelligence. But, it can also be a bit hindering. Just relax, have fun, go with your gut....not your label. Go with the person you want to be, not your label. Simplify. It will relax you. If you feel an attraction to someone, just go with it. See where it goes. Have sex, don't have sex-that's totally up to you! It's your body, your life! I hope I see some wonderful updates from you!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DewMan@1961 Posted October 19, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2020 Hi there LadiBug..... This is Mandy and DeweyC and we both would like to get together with you and help you out with your problem. If you are ready and willing to try things out with us the send us a replay back okay Thanks Mandy and DeweyC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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