Members trista Posted January 31, 2007 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi everyone,I could use some help. There is no passion in my marriage and i'm not sure what to do about it. I love my husband but it seems like he doesn't want to even try. We do have sex but its like wham bam and its over no real kissing or touching or anything. I have tried lingerie,candles, making a nice romantic dinner , a few toys. Stuff like that but it makes no differance.I try and tell him i want more romance and passion but he says he is not romantic as if that should fix everything. I'm sorry to come on here and vent but i really don't have anyone to talk to about this I feel like no one understands and I'm unhappy.Does anyone have any ideas on how to light the fire?I just want him to want me like I want him.Thank you so much for listening. Sorry to be a downer but thought maybe someone may have some advice for me Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trista Posted January 31, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2007 Hi Howard,Thank you so much for the advice and for understanding! I am going to order a few of the dvd's and have that talk with him. The hard part is that he doesn't think that there is a problem. He says he is not romantic and that is just how he is but I feel like he should at least try.I feel like we are both missing out on so much. Thank you again . This gives me hope!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trista Posted February 6, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2007 If I were you, I would demand that he define " Romantic ". I want to know what he means when HE uses the word. Flirting with a woman is not being " Romantic " to me. Playing with a woman is not being " Romantic " to me. Romance involves music with dinner, flowers, dancing, ( doing vertically what you really want to do with her horizontlally!) wining and dining. It involves love letters, and notes. It involves spiced candles, candy, shopping sprees, new clothes, shoes, coats, jewelry. I do not consider sex play to be " romance ". If he thinks that caring about whether his lover is being pleasured is being " Romantic", and he doesn't believe in it, he is so wrong, hit him with a 4 x 4 with my blessing! Then throw the bum out of your bed and out of your life. Life is really to short to put up with anyone that stupid. i suppose you might make some effort to retrain him, but it sounds like you would be talking to a post. Move on. HowardHi Howard ,Thank you for the advice. Just wanted to update you we talked and we are going to have a date night once a week. One week I chose something to do and the next he does. I told him that not all of the dates had to be romantic or to do with sex but some of them should ( I got the idea from another lady that is having problems with her hubby )but you are right i still need to ask him to define romantic i will do that.Thanks again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willtryanything Posted February 7, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2007 Hi everyone,I could use some help. There is no passion in my marriage and i'm not sure what to do about it. I love my husband but it seems like he doesn't want to even try. We do have sex but its like wham bam and its over no real kissing or touching or anything. I have tried lingerie,candles, making a nice romantic dinner , a few toys. Stuff like that but it makes no differance.I try and tell him i want more romance and passion but he says he is not romantic as if that should fix everything. I'm sorry to come on here and vent but i really don't have anyone to talk to about this I feel like no one understands and I'm unhappy.Does anyone have any ideas on how to light the fire?I just want him to want me like I want him.Thank you so much for listening. Sorry to be a downer but thought maybe someone may have some advice for me ThanksHey Trista, I don't have any advice for you, but I do want to tell you to feel free to vent all you want to. There is always someone here who will know what to tell you. Howard, for example, is one of those people. Anyway, dont feel bad and think you are a downer. No one here will think that of you. I hope everything works out for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trista Posted February 8, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hey Trista, I don't have any advice for you, but I do want to tell you to feel free to vent all you want to. There is always someone here who will know what to tell you. Howard, for example, is one of those people. Anyway, dont feel bad and think you are a downer. No one here will think that of you. I hope everything works out for you! Thank you so much!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members me4now Posted February 9, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2007 Ditto to Willtryanything and Excellent to Howard Trista never doubt your self Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trista Posted February 9, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2007 Ditto to Willtryanything and Excellent to Howard Trista never doubt your self Thank you, I try not to doubt myself but sometimes if is very hard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gregg Posted January 1, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 Trista, I hope everything works out for you,I think you have a good man just need you to train him....You have started the ball rolling,noe get the fire lit and have some fun.... Good luck to you.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted January 1, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 On top of what Howard told you I really have to ask how the two of you got together. What are the common interests? And was he romantic before the vows? I hate to be blunt, but you'll find I am, it sounds like a one-sided love affair. In case noone has ever told you honey there is a person out there who will love, cherish and adore you. THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE DESERVES!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amylynn920 Posted January 1, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 Hi Howard ,Thank you for the advice. Just wanted to update you we talked and we are going to have a date night once a week. One week I chose something to do and the next he does. I told him that not all of the dates had to be romantic or to do with sex but some of them should ( I got the idea from another lady that is having problems with her hubby )but you are right i still need to ask him to define romantic i will do that.Thanks againI think the taking turns idea is fantastic, it puts him (if he wants) on non sexual things that he may be comfortable with as well as sparking the fire back up.Sex is playtime and should be gratifying for both partners. If he knows you're unhappy and willing to work at it then that's great. But it is about your pelasure too, not just about him getting off. I wish you luck, and let us know how it goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chloegirl Posted January 1, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 edit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted January 1, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 Y'all might want to slow down on bashing this guy. After reading the initial post by Trista, several things come to mind. Could he have developed a sexual dysfunction such as Premature Ejaculation? Diabetes? Seems 'premature' to jump to a diagnosis about what his 'problem' is. Has he had another, more experienced guy teach him about the joys of romance with a woman, and how to tap into his own creative romantic ideas? What is HIS idea of romance? Guys can and do get insecure about their sexual performance, and if this guy associates 'romance' with 'later I will have to perform', and he is anxious about this, then he would quite naturally put the brakes on romance.In addition, many guys SAY that they are not romantic types because they have boring cliches stuck in their heads...it's not just flowers, hearts ,and shopping sprees, it's also home made picnics, daily favors, and helping to keep the house (bedroom) uncluttered and pleasant....'romance' is more an attitude and lifestyle that is deeply 'into' your partner than it is a particular behavior set....Many men find it disconcerting to try to do something that they perceive is something that they SHOULD know how to do, but don't...they feel anxious about 'doing it wrong' or looking silly. Some men even find a woman telling them to be more romantic as a criticism of their lovemaking prowess. Essentially, a lot of guys are simply ignorant and frightened to expand their romantic/sexual horizons. Let's remember to be gentle and offer charity to others, especially when we have heard only ONE side of the identified problem? You are absolutely correct on the "bashing" part. IDK if my post was taken that way but I do like truth. I can only speak for myself here, but I call them like I see them. But I do try to get a little more insight into the situation. To be honest it appears to me that she is the only one trying here. There is another post in a different area from the opposite side of the fence and I wonder if you also stood up for her? We are all here giving up ideas, insight, knowledge and experience as to what we have known and hope that it helps. What each person gleans from this is up to them. I guarantee that you could take the more popular topics here and ask 100 people of their perceptions of it and would get answers on every side of the situation of note. Most of us in this topic have picked up that he has put forth 0000 effort while she is busting her hump. There may be reasons but we have not been given that particular detail to see it. We only get to form our opinions by what is given for the problem. Sometimes they may be wrong but then again at times they are 100% dead-on. It is more in the way that the original poster uses or percieves that answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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