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so you want to swing

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OK! You love the Thought of swinging. You find it lots of fun, fulfilling and exciting.

You have been trying to get your spouse into the lifestyle for years and each time they were hesitant because they didn't think the lifestyle was for them. Well, they finally agreed to give it a try and you both had a great time… so it seemed.

 After your evening with a hot and sexy couple, your partner confesses to you that deep down they didn't like it all that much. They felt really uncomfortable, quite awkward, and just plain out of place. The only reason they did it was to get you to stop bugging them about it. They said that you have been pressuring them for so long that they figured that this was the only way to satisfy you once and for all. Your attitude is that you had a great time and like it or not, you are going to be swingers and your partner just better get used to it.

This happens a lot in swinging. Many times, it's the husband that introduces the wife to the prospect of swinging. Some wives are eager to try it and others dead set against it.

 First of all, you must keep in mind that swinging is not for everyone. Before you try to convince your partner to swing you first need to look at yourself and ask yourself why you want to swing. If the only reason you want to swing is so that you can "get more action", then you shouldn't even bother. That is not what this lifestyle is about.

You must determine whether your partner can handle swinging, even if he or she is interested. If you want to swing because you want to help your partner live out fantasies while living out your own or because you want to share the most special part of your life (your partner) with others then you can start looking at how to convince your partner.

Your partner is no different than anyone else who would want to please you. If you ask them the same thing over and over again it won't be long before they give in and do what they can to try to accommodate your requests. If they are really not ready to swing you should not pressure them. That is why communication is so important in a relationship in this lifestyle. It could be really embarrassing if you attended a club and a hot couple wants to hook up with you two and one of you is an eager beaver and the other hates it. Sometimes a situation like this can cause more trouble than it's worth.

Many wives and girlfriends go to clubs for the sole purpose of pleasing their husbands or boyfriends. They don't particularly like the idea of swinging or even enjoy it. They basically give in just to keep the peace and to keep him happy. You should avoid a situation like this at all costs. Risking your relationship just isn't worth it.

If swinging is something that you both want to do you may not even need to convince your partner. They may already be more than willing -- all you have to do is let them know that you want to try it.

 The first thing you need to do is talk about your fantasies. Yes talk! I cannot stress how very important it is to communicate with your partner. If they really love you they will listen. Be open to answer any question that they may bring up and be prepared to answer why you want to try swinging. Take your time -- it takes time to become comfortable with the whole idea. At one point you have to ask it, "What about if we give it a try?" If your partner is adamant and say's "No Way!", then back off. Pushing them will get you nowhere and pressuring them to go will eventually destroy your relationship.

After some time you can mention your fantasies to him/her while talking some more about it. Maybe you can talk them into going just to watch at first and just to meet people. It may take several months, but if you can get your partner turned on you are moving in the right direction.

 Don't forget, swinging won't fix a bad relationship, but it can make a good one that much better.

One of the questions I see a lot is ‘How to get my partner to swing?’ or ‘How do I get my spouse into wife sharing.

 Although the question is mainly asked by men wanting their wife to swing with them it isn’t exclusively that way.

 I believe the below applies to all people who want to swing with their partners but I am going to talk about the subject from the viewpoint of a husband wanting to share his wife.

 The approach

It’s all in the question

 I can usually tell how a person is approaching things by the way they phrase the question in rooms and I get frustrated when I see the question phrased ‘How can I convince my wife to swing’ or ‘How can I make my wife swing’.

 I feel the person asking is thinking of it the wrong way and doesn’t stand a chance of introducing their partner to swinging without a struggle.

They are talking like they feel their partner needs to be forced/tricked into it or told to do for them.

 You need to introduce swinging to your partner by encouraging her to have an open mind and emphasizing the benefits and all the fun bits.

Also if you acknowledge that you know there are pitfalls you will show that you have thought about the problems and have some plans in mind on how you are going to avoid or at least lessen the chances of the problems arising.

 So how to approach the subject

 I don’t think there is an approach guaranteed to work, and I think when first approached there is nearly always going to be a step back while the other person thinks about it, unless it turns out that they have been considering bringing the subject up themselves.

However there are ways of approaching the subject of swinging that shouldn’t rock the relationship too much.

 Sounding out.  I feel you should always get a feel on your spouse’s opinion on swinging in general first to see if they have any moral issues or practical queries towards swinging.

Draw their attention to a news article on a swinging couple or a TV series just to gauge where they stand on swinging without suggesting that you join the swinging community.

If you and your partner watch porn together, maybe look up a site that has videos of swinging parties as a change from your normal favorite naughty videos.

If they react with interest and don’t seem to have any issues with swinging in general I think you stand a good chance of introducing the subject as something you would like to look into as a couple and being successful.

If they have any kind of moral issue you have a harder task ahead and I think that goes beyond the scope of this article as sometimes moral values run deep, there are just some people who would never see swinging as anything less than cheating and wrong.

Introducing the idea.  Next step is to introduce the idea of swinging as something you want to do with your partner as a couple. This can be tricky even if there are no issues with the concept of swinging as it now something that might happen in real life.

One option is to point out a nice looking couple while you are out one night and start discussing and fantasizing what it would be like to have sex with them.

This will open up the discussion and will let her think about the prospect for a while with an actual picture of what it is like without putting pressure on her to commit to joining in with swinging.

Common issues and why I don’t see them really being an obstacle.


Jealousy: I’m going to put worrying about being jealous as the first on the list as not only is it a common issue, but it is often a huge block on the road to swinging and hard to get around.

Yes there might be that odd fleeting feeling, but if both of you are playing and having fun, you will be too busy enjoying yourself to let the thought take hold and  I haven’t felt anything that hasn’t passed by the time the play date is over.

You go home with your partner and nothing has changed, the more this happens the more you realize that jealousy isn’t going to be a big problem for you.

Feeling inadequate: Another common issue I have heard is the feeling that you are not enough when your partner has suggested swinging.

You can help sort out any fears by showing and demonstrating regularly over time that you still find your partner the sexiest and most attractive and don’t forget to play with each other as well as the other couples when on swinging dates, that way it is more likely to feel like it is something you are doing together as a couple instead of something you do and they do separately.

Easy way to look for someone else: Another common issue I have heard is that they feel their partner wants to use swinging as a way to find someone else and will leave them as soon as they have.

Again all you can do here is show how much you love your partner and how they are the most important person to you and stress that it is not the reason for wanting to swing/wife share it is something that you have to show and let your partner feel.

Feeling disloyal: I have also heard, from women, that one of the issues they have is that they feel wrong thinking about men other than their husbands in a sexual way.

You are not being disloyal or cheating as your other half is in the same room as you, totally aware of what you are doing and up to fun stuff themselves.

Being outed: We know a few couples who are worried about being seen by friends/family or work college.

Even to the extent they only want to meet travelling couples or expats, as they feel this minimises the risk of meeting someone they know.

The way I see it is if they are at a party you are at, then they are swingers as well, so firstly will probably be open minded enough not to feel too shocked to see you there, and secondly probably won’t want the fact that they are swingers themselves broadcasted.

It is unlikely to go any further and will probably only be awkward for the first 10 mins or so while you get around the ‘oh fancy seeing you here’.

here is a fast list to follow

1.                              Be very sociable. Remain in the company of many friends. This ensures that your girlfriend feels comfortable around others. The longer you socialize, the closer and more intimate your relationships will be. Try to meet others who have experimented or have a similar swinging lifestyle.

2.                              Do not forget to compliment your girlfriend. Although your end goal is to get her to become a swinger, you must not forget to make her feel special and beautiful. One of the biggest reasons why women will not experiment, is because of insecurities. Tell her that she is sexy and that the experience would heighten your sexuality and enhance your relationship.

3.                              Educate her on exactly what a swinger is. When trying to convince your wife or girlfriend to become a swinger, do not hide facts or try to trick your girlfriend into having sex with others. Being up front is always the best way to go. If she is tricked into doing this act, she will likely never do it again and you will fail at your endeavors. Let your girlfriend know your wishes, fantasies, desires and preferences, and give her time to ease into the lifestyle transitions.

4.                              Do not try to find intimate partners on your own when trying to get your wife or girlfriend to become a swinger. If you feel like she may have reservations about becoming a swinger, let her make friends on her own. Often, women will be more adventurous when they feel like they are in control of their own body and mind. Being manipulative or aggressive isn't always the best answer.

Getting your wife or girlfriend to become a swinger always sounds so exciting. But, if this is done the wrong way, you may lose any chance you have at enjoying this lifestyle with her. In fact, many women who have been coerced too strongly into this lifestyle often refuse, but end up enjoying it with someone else who allowed them the freedom to choose if this was the right lifestyle for them.



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  • 2 weeks later...
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wow this lovely woman in the bikini is hot is she your partner?

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  • 4 weeks later...
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A very well-written and comprehensive guide to swinging.  Much of this is also applies to wife-swapping, a form of swinging.  If you're interested you would be well-served to bookmark this reference instead of going to wikipedia.

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