Am I Just Being A Prude Or What.

[whyaskwhy]

I have become reaquainted with a past girlfriend who lost her husband to cancer last year. So she has a lot on her mind including a previous husband who abused her and wanted her to perform sexual acts with others. I'm trying to be open about her past relationships and let her discuss her emotions which inturn is allowing me to open up. At 47, I should be able to understand where she is coming from but is seems like she is very content on talking about her past sex life, when she got started and areas that I'm not really comfortable with. She doesn't really go into specifics but wants me to tell her all about my past but I'm not really comfortable about telling her that. Having sex to me is not just screwing but the intimacy involved during the relationship and I don't really see the need to discuss the past.

I don't want to lose her but the 2500 mile distance and her need to return to this topic during almost every conversation have me concerned. We enjoy phone sex and Instant Messaging so we are doing what we can to get this together, with a hopeful visit this month. I enjoy talking to her but once we get to talking about her high school days and party girl lifestyle I kinda shut down. Basically I'm just not used to this kind of chatting and know that I'm being too critical of the situation. Any recommendations that I can use to let her talk openly about her past even though I'm not dealing with it very well. A religious upbringing and a closed past marriage are not helping me to open up the way she needs me to be and I'm not comfortable talking about her past, nor do I really want to talk about mine.

Thanks

[denby10562]

But Maybe those old memories create images in her mind that make her feel horny. Younger women really enjoy their sexual power and may miss that power as they grow older. But it still sounds to me like she's way too focused on her past. do you think you can bring up the subject gently and ask her why she's so focused on the old days? Either way, I'd be careful.

Good luck.

[whyaskwhy]

But Maybe those old memories create images in her mind that make her feel horny.  Younger women really enjoy their sexual power and may miss that power as they grow older.  But it still sounds to me like she's way too focused on her past. do you think you can bring up the subject gently and ask her why she's so focused on the old days?  Either way, I'd be careful.

Good luck.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'll certainly give it a shot. I've asked her a few times to throttel back on the past but in a more delicate way. I know that she needs to release certain emotions and I'm trying to be open or at least more open than I have been in the past. If she can get it out of her system now then I'll be okay wioth it. I just don't want this to last the rest of our relationship or it will wind being a shorter relationship that I had hoped for. Kid gloves I reckon...probably on me. You give me something to think about however. She is 6 yrs younger than I am where as the ex was 5 yrs older. Different personalities for sure. Thanks for your reply.

[Chris4u]

Looking to the past can be unpleasant. I know looking back at mine, there are things I'd like to have done differently or not at all. Listening to your girlfriend's can be likewise. There was a girl I was seeing that talked about her past sexual experiences with much delight and detail, that I ended up breaking up with her...due to the amount of jealousy and sometimes disgust I saw her in after such tales.

You can go down that road, but be prepared to take the consequences. Personally, I like to know as little as possible. I don't mind a girl telling me how many guys she's been with, but I do mind when the story drifts to the point where I listen to her wild sex stories with other guys, for it makes me feel kind of pushed aside and perhaps not as good as past sex partners. Looking towards the past is a means of comparison to what you share now. The unpleasantness from both your pasts may be because you look at yourselves as whores/pimps. It makes me feel bad when I'm with someone that's been with 1-3 guys asks me how many girls I've had sex with. I feel uncomfortable, because I make her look pure compared to me.

She may need to open up and that may be best to keep the relationship alive longer, however don't ask or allow her to converse too much. You wont look at her the same way and unless you accept her past, you wont be able to keep a lasting relationship.