Husband Only Lasting 5 Minutes.

[geriniz]

so here is the thing my husband has since decreased the amount of times that we have sex a week and when we do have sex he only wants to jump right into sex and then he last for 5 mins if im lucky..ive tried to spice things up a bit and performing oral on him more often but that only makes him last less. i have asked him why he feels that he does this and he says that he is tired or out of energy. then there was one time that he managed to go a couple of times that night but it was only that night. this problem makes me upset because i dont feel sasitifed and it seems that everytime after we have sex i find my self playing on my own to sastify my self so that i can even think of falling asleep.. please i know someone has advice out there that will help me..

Geri..

[Mikayla1]

According to a national survey done by Harvard, the average time for intercourse is between 5 and 7 minutes. However, the average time for foreplay is between 11-15 minutes - you are leaving out the first part and only going for the second.

Having sex at night has nothing to do with his staying power. He is either just looking to get his rocks off, or he feels that foreplay is more for YOU than for him. Obviously, this has to change. Men can learn how to stave off their orgasm, but they have to be willing to wax and wean it.

What I mean is, he should engage in foreplay with you. Give you lots of attention and oral sex. WHen he gets excited for sex, do not let him have it until you feel fullfilled. If blowjobs get him too excited, you can handle this in 2 ways. First, you can continue to give him bjs stopping when he feels it is too much, and letting his orgasm wean. Do this over and over. Second, you can forgo bjs for a while.

Then, when he is inside you, when he feels that he is getting close to orgasm, STOP, keep his cock inside you, but do not move. When the sensaiton passes, start again!

This is the best way I know how to train him to last longer!

Good luck, have fun and do NOT forget that foreplay is essential to your sex life, do not let him get away without it!!!

[geriniz]

well here is the thing there is never any foreplay in out relationship.. he just wants to go to straight sex. and another thing is that there is never any romantic passionate sex in this marriage. it is just lets fuck then go to sleep and such like that. i give him bj's but only to get him aroused. we were having sex today and it lasted for a while but then he said to me i cant do this anymore my chest hurts and he went in the other room and that was it. i never get any pleasure out of this unless i pleasure my self i have thought about cheating but i just cant bring my self to do that.. so please help..

Geri

[Mikayla1]

Is your man the same age as you? 20 is young and he is probably just very, very inexperienced about what women want and need, and about how much fun he can have in bed as well.

First, my golden rule of oral sex has always been - NO PUSSY LICKING FOR ME NO BLOWJOB FOR YOU - PERIOD!!!!

Girl, do not give in to this, no woman should blow her man if he is not willing to go between her legs too!

Second, was the sex like this before you got married, or was it hot and heavy? He may be of the thought that he is married now, and you are his sex partner and that is it. Some men decide that the romance and foreplay go out the window as soon as the vows are spoken. You have to put your foot down on this - this is NOT lovemaking (as Howard says) nor is it good fucking either! You can fuck till your hearts are content, but it should include foreplay too!

Third, how long have you been married? HE needs you to give him a BJ to get him aroused? Then, once he is he doesn't last long. This is either the case of a guy who doesn't like sex (and yes, there are men out there who do not) or a man who just wants to cum - period!

Fourth, he says his chest hurts during sex? Ummmm, he should not be having chest pain during sex - he NEEDS to see a doctor. He may have a medical condition or a heart defect that needs immediate attention. If he doesn't want to have sex or put in the effort because he is overtired or feels pain, he needs to march right to his doctor - stat!!! Is he overweight? Have diabetes? Find out!

I think that this problem is much larger than a man who just wants to get his rocks off, I think he is suffering from something medical or even depression - get medical help!!!! Please, please, please - I implore you!!!

Take care and keep us posted!

[CGEM]

Hi All,

I strongly recommend tantric or tantric-like sex for couples like you. Well, for any couple, actually. It is a great way to see how much foreplay and anticipation can contribute to good sex. And it is a great way to see how beneficial sex can be for your head and the relationship. If you take the time and the effort to try it, you will learn quite a bit about mutual appreciation. And hey, isn't that what it's all about?

Check Mikayla's articles on this site for closer info.

Regards

[geriniz]

Hi all ok my husband is 26 years old and we have been married almost a year. today he wanted to have sex and i wouldn't let him until he ate me out and wow i dont know what he did but he made me cum all over the place then wow we had fun to finish the day off.. i think i might arouse him again later.. i am deffentally gonna check out the videos and maybe that will help some more..thanks for all the fun advice i will keep you posted ...

Geri

[admiraltolokus]

According to a national survey done by Harvard, the average time for intercourse is between 5 and 7 minutes. However, the average time for foreplay is between 11-15 minutes - you are leaving out the first part and only going for the second.

Having sex at night has nothing to do with his staying power. He is either just looking to get his rocks off, or he feels that foreplay is more for YOU than for him. Obviously, this has to change. Men can learn how to stave off their orgasm, but they have to be willing to wax and wean it.

What I mean is, he should engage in foreplay with you. Give you lots of attention and oral sex. WHen he gets excited for sex, do not let him have it until you feel fullfilled. If blowjobs get him too excited, you can handle this in 2 ways. First, you can continue to give him bjs stopping when he feels it is too much, and letting his orgasm wean. Do this over and over. Second, you can forgo bjs for a while.

Then, when he is inside you, when he feels that he is getting close to orgasm, STOP, keep his cock inside you, but do not move. When the sensaiton passes, start again!

This is the best way I know how to train him to last longer!

Good luck, have fun and do NOT forget that foreplay is essential to your sex life, do not let him get away without it!!!

very true about guys being able to control themselves with training and experience after a while though i have settled into a routine, foreplay about 20 min, intercourse about 30 or more depending on how many times me and the lady... or guy, are doing it, and its hard for me to escape routine

[*Mikayla's~Man*]

I am so amazed at how many of my work buddies do not want to do foreplay? You know, we talk about sex - and they are like, "yeah dude, I got laid last night. She blew me then I fucked her good." I always ask, no oral for her? No 69? THen the standard answer, "hell no bro, I get mine and then GET MINE!"

I do not understand this concept. I LOVE to eat Mikayla out and I will do it until she begs to be fucked! Sometimes I get a blowjob before, sometimes after, sometimes during. Mostly, we give each other a ton of pleasure before we have sex. THere are rare occassions when we go from Blow to Go - but normally, no way. I love to see her squirm WAY too much!

MM

[admiraltolokus]

Can I assume that this is followed by about 10 minutes of rest for you to regain your next erection, followed by doing it all over again? Really, the only good way to learn self control is by forgetting about the excitment that leads to that first orgasm, and then working on self control after the " edge " is taken off. Men seem to act like they are making love to a hooker and have to pay her or him by the orgasm. If you are truly making love, then you are having sex with someone who also is making love to you, and cares about your pleasure. Why would she want you to stop making love simply because you had that first orgasm???? She doesn't stop when she has one orgasm, does she? If so, what's her basic malfunction?????

Howard

"forgetting about the excitment that leads to that first orgasm, and then working on self control after the " edge " is taken off" not a bad way of putting how it feels after the first, after that you get over that initial single-minded care only for a first erection (how it felt on this end sometimes).

"Why would she want you to stop making love simply because you had that first orgasm" one of the reasons we separated, her religious ideas did not prevent us from having sex, instead she would end up stopping us at any point in the fricking road, she would suddenly yell out "no i should not be doing this," then it all would crash down right then and there. few days later we try again, go a bit farther, few orgasms for both of us, really enjoying ourselves and each other, then next minute shes sobbing and wants to run over to the church immediately afterwards. this continued for three months from september to december, off and on like this, she spouted things about me not controlling myself the way she wanted, which in her own words on some days was very religious and on others she could be extremely kinky. Normally I did not know really what she was wanting, she always, and i do mean always, said that i should automatically know exactly what she wanted, and by how much, and without us even doing anything yet. You know there was one time when we would enter into foreplay and be having fun, and move things along nice and slowly, feeling more and more, then i move towards her vagina, and she suddenly curls up and starts to sob and yell at me. and that happened just a week after we had a very fun experience together on one afternoon. some days she demanded that i be a baptist like herself, and that i must be stricter, and other days she would say the opposite. it got pretty hard to adjust often and go with the flow at times with her, her flow was strictly by her terms, and when she wanted to change the speed and if i wasn't doing things the way she wanted it before she even spoke of it, then i was in the wrong so far as she said to me afterwards. it seems from what i just wrote of her, that this is more of a rant, but if there was one malfunction she had, would be her religion. it controlled her in a strange way, on some days she had no problem with us going wild and having fun without a care for fricking anything, and then other days she would start crying just a few minutes into doing anything, and then demand that i suddenly go from being atheist to baptist, and yes demand, "kyle you must go with me to church on sunday, i need you, you have to help me stop having sex so much" but 'so much' was maybe once a week or a bit less than that, actually things got to being routine... well i really do not agree with baptist philosophies most of the time, and with both of us being stubborn as all hell, we broke things up in the first week of december, we both made that decision, working things out, did not work out, and those are myspace messages i will not be showing. now that i read this again it sounds more and more like nothing but an anguished little rant, but yall know what, the situation was that fricking confusing, and i mean, as to your statement about some men thinking of their ladies as nothing more than a conquest, or a whore, yes very true. and guess what, on those days she was not wrapped up in her religion, thats exactly what she said she liked being treated like, did not make sense to me, i did not oblige her in that as she wanted, and when i did oblige her on what she wanted when she spoke of those exact things she wanted, in her words to be treated roughly "since every other guy had done that to her," i did not want to, and know what she would call me? weak, and then say 'i still love you because your skinny' and so she would seemingly resort back into her religion once more when ever i did that because quite frankly, i really do not like thinking about sex logically, she did, i tried to adjust to her and how she thought of it like that! and because i couldn't she would freak out on me, suddenly "i did not understand her at all" her own words. confusing situation that was.

now i am going to go back to doing my best to forget about most of that experience and only remember the nice moments we actually we had (non-sexual at that yall)

[Snardbuckett]

This Article really peaked my interest because i have this problem. and its frustrating im 26.

I definetely get into the foreplay i have done as much as an hour and a half of foreplay. But its really wierd for me sometimes im fine and i can go a couple of times and the first one is always kinda quick most i've ever made it on first try is like 20 minutes maybe and thats going slow and careful. but most of the time its quick few minutes and im done. I know its not my health and i don't drink. But theres definitely a difference i can tell almost when its gonna happen. I get kinda frustrated because i actually like to wait for my orgasm i want tp go after her or with her preferably after (not counting foreplay) its really weird cause i can't seem to identify the problem.

I'm really laid back so im pretty sure it wasn't the stress but im sure thats adding to it at this point.

I have also done kegels a lot i won't say i do them regularly but i go in stints of pretty good kegel excercise. I've tried the different times of day thing, and its not the arousal thing because my wife turns me on really good (I'm ussually thinking about her all day afterwards or before if there's hints left. I figured i'de post this cause the answer might help you out as well. Is there anything diet wise that can have an effect or proximity to certain things i work in a factory with a lot of steel work being done (welding, plasma cutting, grinding) This is the first section of my life that it happens frequently it used to happen maybe like once every other month. Now its like once every other month i can do what i feel like is normal for me.

I hope its not my age and im getting to that point where i need to worry if its gonna work without "medical assistance" or not

[admiraltolokus]

There is foreplay, and then there is FOREPLAY, and just doing something to be doing something is not the latter! If I am doing foreplay for as long as an hour, or more, she is having loads of orgasms from oral and manual sex. Sometimes that is all she wants. But normally, she is going to orgasm within 15-20 minutes max, and I am going to keep her orgasming for a couple of minutes, before letting her come back down an rest. Usually, when she comes back to earth, she is so sensitive, and wet, she wants me in her NOW! I sometimes tease her, taking it very slow, and other times, I enter in one stroke, or in some variation of speed in between. Its not unusual for her to have another orgasm when I enter her pussy fully, not because I particularly long, or big, but simply because she is so excited that when I am fully in her, she simply lets go and has another orgasm or 10. Then we start playing with my cock being the main instrument of concern. However, there are many positions that free up one or both of my hands, so they can also tease and play while we are engaged in intercourse, and anything that makes her laugh, or relax, or gasp will usually take her up into another orgasm.

The secret is to use foreplay to get her physically excited, her labia, clit, and breasts engorged with blood, her every nerve ending seeming to be on fire, and I do this easily with oral sex. She loves it; i love it. She gets to laughing because she is so aroused, that any touch by me sends her into another orgasm. I happen to believe that if one orgasm feels good, then another 10 or 20 in a row will feel even better, so when she goes into orgasm, I keep stimulating her to keep her firing off. I like how her pussy squeezes my cock when she orgasms, and I don't have to move much at all with my cock to keep her excited. I can do that massaging her clit, or breasts, or any of dozens of ezone, including kissing her on her mouth, rubbbing behind her ears, stroking the nape of her neck, the inside of her knees, ankles, the arch of her foot, the crease where her legs connect to her torso, and running my fingernails up and down her spine, among other things. Even scratching the inside of her thighs when she is in orgasm will usually keep her firing off another and another.

From that point on, sexual intercourse becomes slow and easy until I want to change, or she wants me to change and go at her hard. Then, she has no trouble at all having an orgasm from sexual intercourse, alone, without me stimulating her clit, or any other part of her body. The first time that happened with my wife, she told me she had always had to rub her clit to come, and didn't expect it to happen. She finally figured out that with prior lovers, she just was not excited enough to climax from SI alone. Once that news hit home, she enjoyed all my teasing and foreplay more and more, and she got excited faster and faster, so that if we wanted to have " Jungle Sex "( Fast and dirty) she would be ready to climax with me in short order, too. Once she mastered that, she neither wanted, nor did she demand long periods of foreplay.

Great lovers are made, not born. Most men are too ignorant, and too unwilling ot learn, how to pleasure a woman. Most women have no idea how to have an orgasm, and go through many frustrating years not having all the orgasms they can. Great sex does require learning and training. Once you get there, and learn how to connect with your body, you can cut all kinds of corners. But most young people think they can earn a PHD on their first day at school. Not so. Guys need time to learn how to control their climaxes, while women need time to learn how to turn themselves on. Men can be a great help to their lovers by teaching them , and helping them turn on. But guys need to learn how to do this, before they can teach anybody.

Hugh Hefner recognized this dilemna years ago when he wrote his Playboy Philosophy. He thought young men should be trained by older women in the arts of love making, and then the young men could in turn teach their young ladies how to enjoy sex. I suspect today he would modify that a bit by suggesting that older men could teach younger women how to enjoy sex, and how to pleasure a man!

All I know is that great sex takes effort, although its the most pleasant schooling I ever attended.

Howard

Thank you, I do believe I better understand what I need to be working on.