Is It Me?

[SimpLyMe]

Ok, so. I've been with my boyfriend for over 9 months now. And we are pretty sexually active. The thing is, I still can't orgasm. This sounds horrible... but I fake it. I know I shouldn't but... Anyway. He'll finger me and it'll feel good, but not 'orgasmic'. He'll give me oral, and its the same thing. Sex is more for him although it can feel good. I just don't know what to do anymore? I'm not sure if it's me that's doing something wrong, or what. And if it's him, what should I say?

[Valntyn]

Are you able to orgasm by yourself? Do YOU know how to get you to orgasm? These are the things you need to know first. You need to know about you.

Don't forget to check out the many, many articles under the Sex Education tab above to educate yourself on pleasuring yourself.

Then talk to the boy! He'll never learn if you don't teach him. As the saying goes, sex is supposed to be FUN! If it's not fun, you've got to work a little to get it that way, then you can BOTH enjoy it!

Good luck!

[cdwaldorf]

Communication is the key to getting the big O. Tell him what feels good and experiment on trying different techniques. The articals that are found under the sex education are worth reading. This will be a great start and give you wonderful ideas on different techniques. Take one night and just experiment with your own body. Become familiar with what areas feel good when stimulated, how much pressure, speed, or anything you can think of. In order to teach someone else you need to know for yourself. It is unfair to fake an orgasm to your boyfriend. He will never be able to please you unless you are open and honest with him.

[SimpLyMe]

well, i have read the sex ed articles. believe me. haha. but its still, i cant seem to orgasm. Or at least, I don't think so. It doesn't feel as great as everyone makes it out to be. We'll try different things, but not a whole lot works. He tried to use my clit toy, but for some reason it didn't feel as good as it does when I do it. But he lost his patience and got straight into it. *Sigh*. I try to do stuff to myself, but nothing really seems to work...

[Tyger]

You didn't put your age, so I am assuming that you are young, as well as your BF. Probably not overly experienced either. You can read all the articles you want (no offense Mikayla, for the articles are extremely helpful and well-written), and watch all the porns you want (however NEVER think that porn movies are how sex really is~that's a common misconception!!!!), experience and a willingness to learn, is the only way to become a great lover.

The first thing to do is to make him be patient! Of course YOU know where to touch yourself where it feels good, but how is he suppose to know how and where if you don't tell him? A great lover is made, not born. Just because one has a penis, doesn't make him a great lover, and niether does the owner of a clit, make her a great lover either. Teach and being teached, on how to please you and your lover....THAT'S what makes a great lover. Many people don't understand that.

If he is unwilling, or too impatient, then he really doesn't understand the whole "sharing" thing, and he is too selfish, and just in it for his own Nut. That may sound harsh. I don't mean it to be. However, I don't think there are too many young guys out there that have been instant great lovers (sorry guys). Faking an orgasm not only cheats yourself, but him as well. Stop doing it! He probably has a hint that you're faking it, if he's getting frustrated. He voices his displeasure, and, as a woman, you want him to feel good, so you fake it so he feels like Da Man. STOP!!!

How are you suppose to know to tell him to touch you in the right places if YOU yourself don't explore your own body first? There is NOTHING wrong with touching yourself where it feels good to be touched. You know that saying "If you don't love yourself, how can others truly love you."? Same goes with orgasms.

Men can pretty much shut their minds up, and focus on the feelings, go with the flow, so to speak. Women have a harder time of doing so. You have to train yourself to shut your mind up, and go with the flow as well. It takes a lot of time, so don't expect it to happen all at once. And, most of the time, it's when you STOP thinking about "Oh, I want to orgasm....I want to orgasm.....I want to...is that a bug on the ceiling??", when you actually DO have an orgasm.

There are different degrees of orgasms. Some are good, others are OMFG!!! Mostly, your muscles clench, you feel a "release" that is hard to explain, but it feels sssssssssooooooooooo gooooooooooooood, that, when it does happen, you won't have any doubt as to what happened. Relax, have fun, enjoy, and don't make it "work", make it fun!

[SimpLyMe]

Wowwww. Thank you SOSOSOSO much you two! That really helped! No wonder you're the 'Sexperts' haha. So last night I did some... 'Self-exploring', haha, and I tried to have a clit orgasm first. And I get this warm feeling that goes through my body, I tense up, I have a little spasm, and then its done. Is that an orgasm? Because it feels really good, but not terrific. So then I tried my G-Spot. Is that supposed to feel good when you touch it first off? Because it didn't for me. lol. I talked to my boyfriend about it all and we're going to have one huge 'Exploration Day.' haha. Thanks for all the advice!

[SimpLyMe]

i think i can understand it. ya, this whole time i take the short breaths and kinda get all tense. so i've been fightin it off this whole time? damn. haha. thanks for yer advice :] it helped a lot and at least i know a little more of what im doin. haha.