Newbie

[redjeepgrl]

Hi everyone,

I am a newbie to this and I have lots of questions, but my first question is...I know that my hubby has been interested in BSDM for a while now (magazines, web sites, ecetera, but he has never shared this with me) and I just finally told him that I am too. He wants to be the dom and I really do want to be the submissive. He works weird hours and it is hard for us to get time alone together. So my question is that now that I have told him, do I wait for him to make the first move being the dom?? I just don't know where to go next? Any info would be wonderful! This is such a great site, I know I am going to get some good info here and probably make some friends to boot!

Thanks,

redjeepgrl

[Mikayla1]

Hello and WELCOME!!!!

It is great that you and your hubby have discussed some fantasies and ideas for spicing up the sex! That is most likely the hardest part. BDSM is not something that most people just "do" it does take practice and comittment. Now, of course, there is just light play that is basically experimenting with light restraining and basic commands. Which route were you wanting to pursue? If you want to do the entire scenario - actually being his sub from start to finish - then this will take some research and preparation (not to mention SHOPPING!) - however, if you just basically want him to tell you what to do - or to tie you up and do things TO you, then there is less preparation and it is easier to get into.

People are under the misconception that BDSM is easy to do - it really isn't. People love to experiment with light BDSM, but not many truly want to be in the BDSM lifestyle. So, to begin giving you information, you can read my article - it is for the beginner - and then you can tell me what you are thinking. Many times people fantasize about BDSM but don't really mean BDSM - they mean light restraining or commands and not full on DOM/sub.

So, to begin, please tell me what you are thinking - in short - and I will do my best to tell you how to begin. There are also other people on site who have experimented with various degrees of BDSM and who also may lend their perspectives.

Now, let us begin...,

[redjeepgrl]

Welcome, Newbie: Please, click on the Sex Education tab at the top of the page and read Mikayla's article on BDSM for beginners. It will tell you, and your SO much you both need to know before you ever start out on this particular adventure. If you have other questions, please come back and ask.

Howard

Thank you so much Howard, I will read that article!

redjeepgrl

[redjeepgrl]

Hello and WELCOME!!!!

It is great that you and your hubby have discussed some fantasies and ideas for spicing up the sex! That is most likely the hardest part. BDSM is not something that most people just "do" it does take practice and comittment. Now, of course, there is just light play that is basically experimenting with light restraining and basic commands. Which route were you wanting to pursue? If you want to do the entire scenario - actually being his sub from start to finish - then this will take some research and preparation (not to mention SHOPPING!) - however, if you just basically want him to tell you what to do - or to tie you up and do things TO you, then there is less preparation and it is easier to get into.

People are under the misconception that BDSM is easy to do - it really isn't. People love to experiment with light BDSM, but not many truly want to be in the BDSM lifestyle. So, to begin giving you information, you can read my article - it is for the beginner - and then you can tell me what you are thinking. Many times people fantasize about BDSM but don't really mean BDSM - they mean light restraining or commands and not full on DOM/sub.

So, to begin, please tell me what you are thinking - in short - and I will do my best to tell you how to begin. There are also other people on site who have experimented with various degrees of BDSM and who also may lend their perspectives.

Now, let us begin...,

Hi Mikayla,

I am really up for anything. I want to learn about this because I feel that it would give us another, new, dimension to our relationship that we both need at this time. I get the feeling that he is more educated about this than I am and I am really not sure how much he knows as we have not had time to start yet, but I am going to follow his lead. I will read your article and then write you back, but I have always fantazied about this as well and would like to have a "real" dom/sub releationship, but I guess I can only take this one step at a time. I thank you so much for your suggestions and instruction and I will keep you posted.

Thanks,

redjeepgrl

[redjeepgrl]

Hello and WELCOME!!!!

It is great that you and your hubby have discussed some fantasies and ideas for spicing up the sex! That is most likely the hardest part. BDSM is not something that most people just "do" it does take practice and comittment. Now, of course, there is just light play that is basically experimenting with light restraining and basic commands. Which route were you wanting to pursue? If you want to do the entire scenario - actually being his sub from start to finish - then this will take some research and preparation (not to mention SHOPPING!) - however, if you just basically want him to tell you what to do - or to tie you up and do things TO you, then there is less preparation and it is easier to get into.

People are under the misconception that BDSM is easy to do - it really isn't. People love to experiment with light BDSM, but not many truly want to be in the BDSM lifestyle. So, to begin giving you information, you can read my article - it is for the beginner - and then you can tell me what you are thinking. Many times people fantasize about BDSM but don't really mean BDSM - they mean light restraining or commands and not full on DOM/sub.

So, to begin, please tell me what you are thinking - in short - and I will do my best to tell you how to begin. There are also other people on site who have experimented with various degrees of BDSM and who also may lend their perspectives.

Now, let us begin...,

Hi Mikayla,

I came back to re-read this and I was wondering...how should we begin? I got together all of my toys that I thought he would like and let him know where they were. Now of course, he has a crazy work week this week, so it will probably not be until the weekend that we can attempt anything. I think to start off with we will probably be involved in some light play. We have not really had time to discuss this yet, but I was wondering as I re-read this...where do we begin and what are some of the varying degrees of BDSM? How long do scenerios take or is that up to the dom? Just have a lot of questions...LOL Anyone else who would like to contribute their thoughts, all thoughts or comments or suggestions are welcome!

Thanks a lot,

redjeepgrl

[redjeepgrl]

Hi Mikayla,

I came back to re-read this and I was wondering...how should we begin? I got together all of my toys that I thought he would like and let him know where they were. Now of course, he has a crazy work week this week, so it will probably not be until the weekend that we can attempt anything. I think to start off with we will probably be involved in some light play. We have not really had time to discuss this yet, but I was wondering as I re-read this...where do we begin and what are some of the varying degrees of BDSM? How long do scenerios take or is that up to the dom? Just have a lot of questions...LOL Anyone else who would like to contribute their thoughts, all thoughts or comments or suggestions are welcome!

Thanks a lot,

redjeepgrl

Oh yes, and I did read your article and it was very helpful!

Thank you,

redjeepgrl

[redjeepgrl]

redjeepfrl: If you read Mikayla's article, then you must be understanding that any such play begins with much communication. The Sub always has a " Stop " word, and that is how he/she maintains ultimate control. How long an event takes is something to be decided on before hand. By both of you together. What happens, in general, is to be decided by the both of you, before hand. What will not happen must be agreed on before hand, so that the Dom knows the limitations of this particular event. None of these things can work unless there is a great deal of trust between the dom and sub. That is why some couples like to switch roles, either during the same event, or on alternate days. It keeps them both honest when they are doms. If they go beyond the agreed bounds, they know that the partner will have the opportunity to take revenge, even if one of them is more comfortable being a Sub, rather than the Dom. Once a couple establishes that degree of trust, through many events, and gradual increase of the range of activities tried and done, then each person can assume the role that makes them the most comfortable, and stop switching again. When that occurs, only the couple can decide. Many couples have that level of trust from the get go, and never switch roles. Ever. One of the tricks of being the Dom is to ask the Sub to beg for a certain type of abuse, or punishment, and actually order the Dom to perform the act on them. That gives the Dom a clear, oral message to go forward, and gives the Sub a clear opportunity to say " NO ", using the agreed " stop " word. As the couple gains experience, and trust the Dom can be given permission to do more things, without asking or demanding that the sub specifically ask for the act. That is when ball gags, and other restraints that may cut off a sub's ability to vocalize can be employed, provided there is some other stop motion or sound that the sub can use to end the action.

You are entering a dangerous world, if you allow it to be dangerous. All the questions you have asked is what gives the whole shtick its excitement, and its attraction. Talk, Talk. TALK to your partner long and in great detail. Start slow, start simple. The easiest way for most people to start is with a simple blindfold, but no restraints.

A friend did this with her lover, and after they enjoyed this several times, and she said she had lots of intense orgasms from the excitement, they then tried ties to her wrists, but she asked that the ties not be attached to anything the first time. And, she didn't want her ankles restrained. Later she allowed the wrist restraints to be attached, and she finished her visit to that lover with allowing both the wrists to be restrained and ties to be attached to her ankles, but not tied to anything else. She " pretended " that she could not move her legs. With the blindfold on, she enjoyed all the anxiety and fear, as well as the surprise as to what he did next to her. It was her first adventure into BDSM, with more emphasis on the B&D than on any S&M. She told me that on her way back home, she decided that she wanted to explore B&D more, but was no longer curious about S&M. She did not want any marks, or bruises on her body from any of the S&M stuff, although her lover had a closet full of whips, and other gear to do whatever she asked for. She didn't mind a mild spanking, as she said that is a turn-on for her, and she didn't mind her nipples being pulled, for the same reason, but she didn't want real pain from either spanking or nipple clamps, and was not interested in piercings, etc. She did buy some non-piercing nipple rings, but I think she had a real understanding of her threshhold of pain, and when a little pain was excting, but more pain was a arrousal killer, and she did not need to experience that again.

If you take your time, you will learn, as she did, what turns you on, and what turns you off. Some people, both men and women, find extreme pain erotic, and suffer all kinds of pain, and physical damage in the quest for that ultimate orgasm. Most people don't go there. And, I know one couple who was out there, who tired of it, and stopped the serious pain inducing stuff permanently. He said they had taken it as far as they felt safe to go, had found out what that experience was, and decided together that they didn't need to go there again. They still used light B&D to enhance sex play, and they fucked like rabbits, but they no longer went very far at all into the S&M stuff. She said pinching occasionally just before reaching a climax, was about as far as they go, now.

I wish you well. If you plan the adventure in detail, you can always stop, and you don't have to go further. If you do go further, and find out its not you, you can always go back.

Howard

Thank you so much Howard! I appreciate all of the feedback and it sounds to me like I have to slow down and hold my horses...or hold something. ;-) Anyway, I'm just excited as I'm sure everyone here is about something...LOL It makes sense to talk about everything before hand though. I understand that completely. I'm sure my hubby will have much he wants to talk about too. We were trying to talk a little tonight, but the daughter and her boyfriend were having some sort of tiff and running in and out, ugh! I guess I should have brought this up last year while she was moved out for a while... ;-) Oh well, I just did not know a year ago that I would be interested in this. I mean, I thought about it, but actually finally telling my hubby was something else. Thank you for the detailed information and I will keep you all updated on how it is going.

Thanks,

redjeepgrl