Scared For My Ex.....

[damion04@telus.net]

I recently found my ex bf online...we hadn't dated for very long, and had been good friends for a long time before and after we had dated.... he's married now, and he and his wife were interested in exploring a threesome... originally we just talked about it online, but yesterday i agreed to go over and see what would happen.... when we had talked online, my ex had told me that his wife wanted to try a threesome, but didn't want him to penetrate the new partner (me)... but when we were in the moment, she told him to fuck me, and he did.... a lot.... she seemed to be okay with it at the time, but I'm worried that it might end up ruining their relationship.... especially since afterwards she went to bed, and told him that he could have some more fun with me, the only rule being that he couldn't cum inside of me.... we both agreed that it was kinda weird to be having sex without her, but we were in the heat of the moment, and did it anyway.... he says she's okay with that, and he was going to tell her everything we did together so they would have no secrets, but i'm still worried. It was my first experience with a threesome, and also my first time with another woman, and I quite enjoyed it, but I'm worried that though she seemed to be having a lot of fun, I don't think she got as much out of the experience as I did, and I know that while she has had threesomes in the past, it was before she had met my ex.... this was the first time for them to have a threesome together..... we had all talked about it before hand, what we were comfortable with or not, but as I said, when it came down to it, I got penetration that I had not expected (I was totally okay with it, and she told him to, but still, she was the one originally said he couldn't fuck me) ......and while I would love to repeat the experience, I won't bring it up unless they do..... I'm just worried... I don't want to be a part of ruining their relationship.... they seem to be very happy together, and have a little girl, but when she went to bed, my ex was telling me that he had loved me, and he wished that we had had more time together in the past.....

[Valntyn]

While I've never been in a threesome, I'm not sure I can REALLY offer you any great advice. There are members here who HAVE been in threesomes and I expect they'll reply to you and hopefully offer you some good thoughts. But for now, here's what I'm thinking...

First, you need to stop feeling guilty. THEY invited YOU. You said she's had previous experiences with threesomes, so she knows how they work. Where she's had these previous experiences, it sounds like she was totally comfortable being the more dominant person of the trio, telling you two what was okay and what wasn't (even if she changed her mind about some things).

As far as your ex telling you he loves you and wishes he could have been with you more in the past... that's the only issue I see with the whole situation, that he wasn't totally over you to begin with. Again, not your fault. That's something he needs to deal with alone (and maybe with his wife). He might have had these feelings about you even if he hadn't seen you/been with you. (I even wonder if you were HIS pick of a woman, which makes me wonder whose idea it really was.)

I think it's a smart decision not to bring it up (about having another) unless they do. Again, THEY invited YOU into their circle. You're the third party in this relationship and if they want you back into it, they need to be the ones to initiate it, whether you agree to join or not.

Anyway.... whether they make sense or not, those are my thoughts about your situation. I'm glad you had such a great first experience physically -- now I hope you can get the emotional part balanced. Good luck!

[damion04@telus.net]

My ex did question her when she told him to penetrate me.... but she was quite adamant about it... and they've already asked me to join in again... at least HE did... I told him I wasn't comfortable with it right now, I haven't even talked to his wife since last time, and I'm not sure if she's okay with everything that happened.....

[Tyger]

I would tell him that you need to hear it from HER. Have him make her call you. And, again, I would talk with her, and ask why she changed the rules all of a sudden. If there are rules, they should be followed by ALL of the players.

Worth repeating: if they have issues in their marriage, it's not your fault. THEY were the ones that INVITED YOU in. Their issues are things you have no control over and were probably in play before the 3-some. The only way you can blame yourself, is if you sneak around have have sex with either him OR even her, without the other's personal consent.

As for his feelings for you, maybe he was caught up in the moment, maybe not. Either way, it's not your problem. Those are something HE needs to address. He's an ex for a reason, and he is married to someone else, so, emotionally, he should be off limits.