Anal Preparation...?

[sailorzelda]

Ok, so, through some experimentation, my lover and I have discovered that I enjoy anal stimulation, and that I'm actually quite interested in actually trying anal sex. However, a few weeks ago, we tried it, using what I thought was a generous amount of lube... but that wasn't really the problem. There was some pain, but it wasn't from friction, it was the muscles down there. Of course, we stopped immediately and I insisted that that try didn't count.

I've tried reading a lot of sites and the information on this site, but I'm having trouble finding the best way to actually prepare myself for anal penetration. It seems like it's something I should be doing myself; is that true? What do you guys think?

[elise]

Ok, so, through some experimentation, my lover and I have discovered that I enjoy anal stimulation, and that I'm actually quite interested in actually trying anal sex. However, a few weeks ago, we tried it, using what I thought was a generous amount of lube... but that wasn't really the problem. There was some pain, but it wasn't from friction, it was the muscles down there. Of course, we stopped immediately and I insisted that that try didn't count.

I've tried reading a lot of sites and the information on this site, but I'm having trouble finding the best way to actually prepare myself for anal penetration. It seems like it's something I should be doing myself; is that true? What do you guys think?

Honey, I love your positive attitude!

Howard's advice on use of toys is good. You can incorporate them into your lovemaking with your partner and/or use them solo when you masturbate.

But the basic thing you're trying to do is train yourself to be able to relax your anal sphincter enough to accommodate an erect penis, and that is not as difficult as some people make it out to be. The real barrier is psychological, not physical. Yes, it helps some to have 'stretched' your sphincter (just like any other muscles before exercise), but the pain you feel in your sphincter isn't from being stretched by your lover's cock, it's from the sphincter muscle contracting against the intruding organ and going into spasm. Anticipating pain almost guarantees you will have pain; anticipating pleasure has the opposite effect. I find it helps to visualize myself being opened and made ready during foreplay, and to consciously relax my sphincter (see technique below) during penetration.

Lots of anal foreplay before penetration will accomplish this. Whether you use toys or your lover's fingers is up to you. For my money, there's simply nothing better than my husbands mouth on my pussy and his well-lubed fingers in my ass to get me ready for the Main Event. Earlier in our anal experiences, we found that if he stimulated me to the brink of orgasm but didn't let me come, I could take his cock more easily. One of my girlfriends who's also very into anal sex tells me she's the opposite: she needs to have several orgasms with toys or fingers in her ass before she can open up enough for her man's cock. Try both methods and see if you find a difference.

When you do get down to actually having anal sex, you've already covered the basics: lots of lube and your lover should really take his time penetrating you. You will find it goes a LOT easier if you bear down while he's penetrating you (push like you're trying to have a bowel movement) because that triggers the reflex that relaxes your sphincter. This is a 'trick' that a lot of women I've talked to about anal sex don't seem to know about. If at any time during anal intercourse you feel pain in your sphincter, try bearing down again until it passes. This really works. Once his cock is all the way up your derriere, he should keep his movements slow and gentle until you feel you're ready for more vigorous thrusting. I find I only need to bear down for a few seconds at the beginning, then my anus stretches very comfortably for the rest of the encounter.

Sometimes even an experienced anal aficionado (like me, for instance) may find herself simply unable to relax enough to allow easy penetration. When that happens, I use a vibrator on my clitoris during penetration. The combined pleasures of the vibrator and anal penetration obliterates any discomfort and I'm totally with the program in very short order.

One final thought: like most sexual activities, anal intercourse gets better with practice. I enjoyed my first time very much, but the second time was even better, and after my third try I was a confirmed anal addict. I hope your experience turns out to be just as fulfilling!

Let us know how it goes.