Need Advice

[macgregor]

ok, here's the deal. i have been with my girlfriend for a year now. i'm 28 and have had about 15 sexual partners. she is 22 and has had 2 besides me. the sex has been getting worse steadily over the year and i'm wondering if we're just incompatible or something. i really don't want that to be the case. when we first started, it was great. we've explored tons of new things mostly because of her fantasies. for example, we have role played rape fantasies and i have hit her a bit and other stuff, all because she wanted to try it. doing all that is kind of difficult for me but all i want to do is please her. the problem is that she needs these crazy things to really get off. and even then she takes a long time to reach orgasm and many times needs to do it herself while i tell her a dirty story or something. now why the hell can't i be sufficient? i'm more than happy to go down on her even though it takes her maybe a half an hour to get off. i understand that not all women are going to be able to get off during intercourse but why does she need me to create these fantasies for her every time? it really does not come natural to me to role play or invent scenarios or do something extreme every time and she sees that as not satisfying her needs (we had this argument last night). now, as a man, the last thing i want to hear is that i'm not satisfying my girl's needs. but i find her a very difficult person to satisfy. last night started for example, she wanted a massage after we had had sex. i was well into giving it to her and then she wanted me to pretend that i was a massage therapist and she was my client. why can't she just enjoy the massage from me? i'm thinking that i might just not be able to give her what she needs and because we love each other and want to be together for a long time this is a pill i don't want to swallow. any thoughts/advice?

[Chris4u]

Well some guys and girls just find it to be more exciting pretending to be placed in out of the ordinary scenarios. I find it great when performed on occasion, not as a regular thing, because it gets real old and I feel it's more like a soap opera than anything else.

I've done it with costumes before, and that was hot. But pretending doesn't do it for me so much. I'm like you, I prefer being me. People role play because they want variety and change from their partner. Sometimes guys and girls take this as a mixed message, thinking that their partner wants this because they're not happy with the others performance.

Your girlfriend's fantacies may seem like a burden, but she just likes constant change. It seems like a fetish to me and some of us see certain ones as odd or just down-right scary, but we're all different.

The thing is, do you think she believes your sex life to be dwindling in pleasure.

I don't think she views you as inferior to these imagined male characters you perform as, but gets excited as what it would be like if you really were one of them...does that make sense?

I think that what's going through your mind is that she doesn't appreciate you for your true-self. You find her needs to be burdensome and a means to search for something better than you have to offer.

It may be so, but not necessarily. I think it's what I discussed earlier. But talk to her and persuade her to try the real you more than the plumber, the pilot, the stylist. If you really care for her and she likewise, you'll be able to compromise and it'll all be alright.