What Does This Mean

[schlingel]

In over 20 years my wife and I remain very close and open, so what I’m about to describe is most likely the truth. My wife has never masturbated ever. Prior to our marriage, maybe but I doubt it. I know it sounds strange, but I actually believe this. She won't touch it in bed; she's just not that way. Maybe we're not as close and open as I believe and she plays with it daily and I’m just missing it - again, highly unlikely. Now it's never really been an issue and as she says, "that's what you're for", and that's just fine with me. Since 1987 it's been this way, until last week. Now understand a unique circumstance we have now. She has been overseas since august and returns home this month. So we're physically separated by thousands of miles and for this long, well it's a new situation. We talk/email daily and neither of us would ever cheat - well again with at least what I believe to be true. So last week for my birthday she decides to "do something" for me (yeah right). Now a couple times since she’s been gone I’ve slipped a porn DVD or two to here hoping she would watch them. And as usual the answer is no, I didn't like it, I threw it away, on and on - but not this time. When I call here late that evening she tells me that she watched it and it "wasn't that bad" and even made her feel tingly "down there". Remember, she's very shy about her body and doesn't talk about it at all unless were in the bedroom. But then, she hangs up and as I’m told the next day, she gets in bed with the laptop, replays the DVD and masturbates. She tells me she actually came at her own hand. She has gone to great lengths to convince me that she did this. Now she contends it was "no big deal" and for anyone else it isn't. Hell I’m a self-pleaser extraordinaire. But for her, this was huge. This particular DVD she watched has a prolonged first seen of a guy going down on the woman and actually brings her to orgasm before the rest of the action ensues. She has also commented previuosly that these scenes are always cut short – which is pretty much always the case. In fact, only a few weeks back the film I sent her she watched and made mention that you “almost GET to see the woman cum”. So I’m now on the hunt for this type of porn and am struggling to find anything like this. So now my questions:

Is it the Cunnilingus that she enjoys or the actual orgasm at the end? I’m hoping there is some generalization of women that can help me understand.

Is there any hope that this could be pointing towards lesbian tendencies? Of course I’ve asked and the answer is a resounding no.

I’m really trying to get her to open up, but after 20 years, I could use some advice.

[Tyger]

Hello, and welcome to the forum!!

Well, I'll speak in general, since, obviously I haven't heard your wife's side of the story.

Her masturbating ever, may be a rare case, but absolutely possible. Many women have been brought up to believe that a man is the only way that they SHOULD get off, or they're "slutty". Masturbating isn't something a lot of families discuss or encourage. Then you have some churches nailing it into your head that you shouldn't have sex before marriage, and that sex is for procreation only. I think they try and instill this into women to keep women from "straying" in relationships. To me, this is very wrong.

There is nothing wrong with touching yourself. And, with her being so far away, she's craving the physical feelings of sex. And the adult films have started helping her explore her body herself. Maybe she didn't really KNOW how to do it, and the films helped her show where she should touch to get started on self-pleasuring. Most porn is made to be catered to men, and quick clips here and there are usually what does it for them. It sounds as if she's overly shy about discussing this with you, and just tells you enough so she won't feel "guilty" for doing this. Some people think that masturbating is a form of cheating even!

There are several adult films made by women for women, and it's a growing trend. These films are more "romantic" and visually appealing. We have several reviews on them in the Adult Film Review forum here on the site. I'd check them out and see if you see something she may like. Personally, I found The Quest 2, and Island Fever 4 to be great! As far as all woman on woman films, there are the "Where The Boys Aren't" series, and others too. Just look for the films that qualify. You can type in something like "lesbain" and a bunch of films will popl up.

As far as her being possibly bisexual, well, that's something only she can answer. You need to talk with her about that. However, I will tell you that many women get turned on by watching women get it on, I being one of them, and I am married. However, I LOVE watching women have sex together, pleasure themselves, and use toys! I actually prefer porn that's mostly women in it, truth be told! Let's face it, the human body is a beautiful thing! Especially curvy ones! And, there's nothing wrong with that! It's totally natural to feel that way, and enjoy it, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

What turns women on is all a matter of personal preference. So, again, it's best to ask HER about what she liked about it, whether it be the oral action, or the women in general!

Basically, in answer to your question, what this probably means is:

Your wife misses physical contact.

She's discovered that touching herself is a good thing.

She's also discovered some porn that she really likes.

I'd run with it, and have fun with it!!

Best wishes!

[Amylynn920]

Well, as far as her masturbating for the first time, it may be so. Maybe she has or does it more and just is too embarrassed to talk about it with you. I've done it ever since the first time I found out how great it felt. My husband knows I do, he helps me out most times.

Whatever it was on the DVD apparently did it for her, and she liked it.

It doesn't mean she's bisexual because what she saw on it did it for her. If I had to guess it was because she finds oral hot and would probably welcome more of it from you. Maybe she's just to embarrassed to ask you for it, which she shouldn't be.

Most of not all women love getting oral sex. I know I do I think she just really wants it and fantasizes about herself getting it and saw it brought to life on the screen is all.

Go down on her more, incorporate that as part of your foreplay on a regular basis and see if that helps. I bet she thanks you for it and will gladly return the favor.