Fwb?

[lisaj]

Hi - I guess this is sort of random .. but

I have liked a male friend (more so a friend of a friend) of mine for several years. We never lived in the same area, but through mutual friends I saw him once or twice a year for a few years and then not at all for nearly 3 years until this past summer. He came into town and a bunch of friends got together and he and I ended up fooling around after a few drinks (didn't actually have sex for lack of condom only..hah).

Starting this fall, the guy moved in with a very close male friend of mine and now lives 3 hours from me. We saw each other last weekend for the first time since the summer and it was very friendly, but we didn't talk about what had happened or hook up. I sort of figured that there was a mutual understanding that it was a one time thing or what have you.

Then today he called me and asked me if I was going to be in his city anytime soon, I told him I would actually be there for a night this week and he asked me if I'd like to get together. I told him i'd be game for grabbing a drink or something and he sounded happy about that. Before he hung up he asked me what I though of 'him and I' and whether I'd want to 'do it again' and brought up the summer and after I gave a really lame answer about how it had been fun and that I found him attractive, and he told me explicitly that he really would like to. The conversation then seemed to shift from us going on a date and seeing how it went to basically just being about us having sex. I had figured that we'd probably go out and end up back at his place anyway, but there is something a bit more interesting about the uncertainty of it.

At first I thought he was implying that maybe he'd like to give dating each other a try, but now I feel like it's just a weirdly scheduled booty call. Not that I'm opposed to that necessarily, but I do like this guy and I don't want to blow off any chance of us having a real relationship by becoming just sex for him when I'm in town. For logistics reasons I'm also going to probably be staying at his house and now I feel like not having sex isn't even an option.

Any advice would be appreciated!!!

anyway - thanks for reading my angsty first post ever

[Tyger]

Well, judging by some of the "verbage" lisaj used, I am going to take a stab in the dark and say that she's probably a little over the age of 18. I don't know too many kids under the age of 18 that don't use slang, acronyms, and purposely misspelled words when posting/IMing. Besides, it's an OPTION to put your age and maritial status, not a requirement. The only requiremet is to be 18+. If they don't want to share their "stats", that's their right.

So, as to the question, who's to say that anything has to happen unless you want it too? True, he's probably checking to see if sex would be a possibility again. Most guys are usually looking for a hook up now and again (sometimes more like AGAIN LOL). He may be getting ready and getting that missing condom, so that the situation that happened this summer, won't be a repeat.

To put a really positive spin on it, think of it this way: he's obviously thinking about YOU, and called YOU. Even after all this time. He probably could've called anyone for a Booty Call. He made some conversation first, trying to reconnect, which could be a good sign in itself. I guess the thing to do would be to see how he treats you when you go on your date.

If you're not comfortable having sex, then tell him so. Though, with your "lame answer" you gave him, telling him he's attractive and reminiscing (especially if you expressed regret NOT sleeping with him), you've given him some hopes of something happening, so his expectations that it actually happening this time are probably well-founded. I always stress that honesty is the best policy. Make sure he knows that you're not a Booty Call (if he treats you as such).

Best Wishes!

[lisaj]

For a forum that claims to be nonjudgmental, I find your message, Harold, to be offensive and inappropriate. I'm a 25, and a law student, and was in a bad relationship for a few years so I'm a bit nervous about dating and men these days. Thank you so much for your patronizing diatribe about 'just saying no'. (Thanks for the input, tyger.)