Anal......

[Rayya]

Alright... here's the story:

My boyfriend is REALLY into the whole anal sex thing... and I'm pretty curious about it as well and think I'll enjoy it just as much as him... I mean, he's played with my ass before, put a few fingers in, etc.... but whenever we try to actually anal sex, it hurts like hell!

Last time, I tried to get myself ready with one of my toys... it was just as big as my boyfriend length wise, and a little smaller in thickness... I used a lot of lube and it went in smoothly... I kinda worked it around for a little bit, getting used to the feel (letting him watch, of course ) until I felt comfortable enough to let him replace the toy.... he lubed himself up and slowly tried entering me, but I couldn't take it after he got the head of his erection inside me, it hurt too much!

He's a very understanding guy and told me that it's something that needs to be taken slowly, but I'm starting to get frusterated with myself! I'm completely relaxed when we try it and we're both laying on our sides so my muscles aren't tightened or anything...

Does anyone have any advice as to what to do? Lubes? Positions? Techniques that would make it easier? I'd love to be able to give him a good anal fuck for our one year anniversary....

[Rayya]

Read the other posts under the anal retentive section under Ask Jen. they will help.. Read Jen's article on anal sex. It will help. Basically, you and your bf are going to fast. It take lots of time, sometimes weeks and months to adjust to having something put up your ass. And every time you two are going to do, he has to start our with a well lubricated finger, or dildo, or vibrator, a small one- like no more than 3/4 inch in diameter to start, and put plenty of lubricant in your butt and wait to you to relax and get used to this small size before going on. After you are comfortable with one finger, then insert two fingers. It will probably take longer to get used to two fingers than it did to get used to just one. The tissues in the rectum are much thinner than those in the vagina, and you have to take it easy. Make sure he is giving lots of attention to your clitoris while you are trying to relax with the two fingers.  When you are finally comfortable with two fingers, then go to three. It may take weeks to reach this stage, trying it every other day or so, but you can get there. Others have. Once you can take three fingers he should be able to enter part of his cock into you, with lots of lube, of course. don't expect to take him all. Not for several times trying. Some men have very wide cocks, and the girth will prevent you from taking all of them. The skin can only stretch so far.  You also have to learn to push out when he enters to relax the sphincter muscles in your rectum so that he can enters. You will have a full feeling, as if you have a stool waiting to go out. In fact, most women report a feeling of impending embarrassment because they thing as soon as he removes his cock, she is going to pass a bowel movement on him. This almost never happens. Your brain is just having a little problem adjusting to the idea that something is going in, and not out when those nerve endings are stimulated in the rectum.  Once he is in, take it easy. Most women cannot take the fast in and out motion they usually experience in vagina intercourse, at least until they have become accustomed to anal sex.  I recommend having the woman on top in the early stages of anal sex, as she can control the rate and depth of penetration, and the speed of movement. Once she if comfortable, you can always fall on your side or roll over so that he can take over. The doggie position is a favorite of couples who have experience doing anal, but only after they have gained experience, she has learned to relax, and he has learned what the word " Slow " means. Everyone reports having intense orgasms doing anal sex, so the work needed to get there is well rewarded.

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thanks a lot for your advice, Howard... its much appreciated