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Kinda Serious...

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Hello Sexed Up Forum,

I have a question on behalf of my wife. She has noted of late that she has had thoughts/desires in her mind regarding attraction to women.

She doesn't at all think or believe she is a lesbian (she has said on many a love making session she loves what I've got) but she can't help but have this reoccuring thought(s) from time to time about women.

She is fairly nervous at the idea as to what it means and how to handle it; I was also. However, I totally forgot that this is common for women (I think). I'm doing some research right now and thought I'd post this to get some member feedback. I read Mik's article on what female celebrity her and her friends would 'love to lesbianize' (wow...) and that aided.

My wife grew up EXTREMELY strict and this was one topic that was talked about with much judgement. Very right wing, controling and limiting in what she could do. She has been dealing with much of this for a few years now (our 4th anniversary is the 28th!) and we have made much progress. She told me she has felt some attraction on-and-off for a long time to the idea of women and some in particular. She is just afraid of what it means.

I'm finding out it means she's 'normal'.

She's a wonderful wife, lover and friend and I want to walk with her every step of the way. I'm just curious on some ideas to help her be free in this area, and not think she is stigmatized.

I hope you all can help!

God bless,


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From a relationship counseling perspective, your best bet is to back away from trying to solve the issue for her. Just support her in her sorting it out; while the idea or possibility of 3-in-the-sack may be very, very stimulating to you, you owe it to your best friend to give her space without pressure to come to her own conclusions. YOu best way to support her is to encourage her to read, read, read...and not just here on TT, but other resources concerning sexual identity and behaviors as well, and also to read up on the conservative reasons NOT TO as well...

I agree, I'm not trying to 'give' her any answers. However, this idea of attraction (on some level) to women is new and odd for her. She told me last night she wanted to NOTHING to jeopardize our relationship (so sweet!) she is just unsure of what these feelings mean. I have read-read-read-read and found so many real studies showing women being attracted to other women being really really normal.

I'm just wondering how often this happens with others here on the board and what to 'do' about it?

Mikayla? Any advice oh guru of TT???

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I am not completely sure what advice you are looking for?

Women frequently have attraction to other women - I mean, come on, how can we not? Women are beautiful 'creatures' and we have breasts, long hair, curves and vaginas - what is not appealing about that? You do not have to be a lesbian or bi-sexual to enjoy the thought of being with, touching or looking at another woman naked! It is just normal. Think about how women relate to one another in general - we are very 'huggy touchy' in general. No one would think anything was out of the norm if they saw two women holding hands walking down the street! We kiss each other, hug each other, watch each other get dressed, comment on each other's bodies - the switch from that to a little more is not as far as most people think!

If she is bi-curious, there is nothing wrong with that either. Many women (or men) who grew up in very conservative, strict houses where homosexual behavior was considered the gateway to hell have issues later in life dealing with these feelings. How can they have these feelings if they are clearly against God's plan, right? The fact is, she has to be true to herself. She can be completely happy with you, with sex with you, with a penis in general and still have curiousity about lesbianism. Plus, I am discovering that many women are going through an enlightened period where being with or thinking about being with another women seems to be the new, hot trend! With homosexuality hitting the main stream a little more each year, and lesbians being glamorized all over, it is no wonder that women are feeling more curious about what all the hype is about.

I mirror Iha's sentiments that she should read - all over - about these feelings. Realizing that she is normal, may take the stigma away from it and give her the courage to voice this a little more. DOes this mean she is going to go have a lesbian affair? OF course not, but when we feel inner guilt about an activity that is not unnatural (really, it isn't) then that can cause inner angst that she doesn't need.

Be supportive, do not push her one way or another, be understanding and see where it all ends up. That is the best advice I can give!

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