Men Masturbating Prone

[Queensman]

I'm new around here and I thought I would ask you people a question that I can't find an answer to anywhere and I really can't ask anyone I know.

I'm a 19-year old college student and all my life I have gone solo just by laying prone, face down. I do not use my hands at all. Just the movement of my hips.

Someone mentioned to me that this was a dangerous thing for a man to do and it could ruin him for when he was with a woman (and, yes, I'm a still a virgin). Something about destroying nerve endings?

This really worries me - I have never done it any other way. I can't even get myself off with my hands - I seem to need the full body movement.

Do I really need to stop this and am I really different from most men?

(I am having a bit of a problem in my life at the moment - which I might ask you about later - and I am having trouble getting an erection. Do you think my style of getting off is doing this? My girlfriend is getting upset at me for avoiding her - and I am avoiding her partly for this reason (she does not know about it). This is just making me more nervous and worried.

Thank you.

[Amylynn920]

Hi Queens and welcome to the Tootimid boards. Yes I did read something about that somewhere. I haven't had much sleep. (Gotta love good sex all night ) so bear with me.

Search the masturbation forums. Also search online.

I think you are conditioned to come this way and you need to relearn.

Avoiding your g/f is not fair to her. You need to tell her your fears and reassure her it is not her. Trust me on that. Communication is necessary and will carry you through lifelong relationship habits so start now.

I would wait for Mikayla to pop in, she may have good advice as well as others here.

Take care, and post often.

[Queensman]

Thank you for your replies Aiden and Iha.

Aiden - I understand your point about communication and it is an excellent one. My gf and I have never been together sexually so she does not know about this. I've never been with a woman. If it were otherwise I would hasten to tell her the reason had nothing to do with her.

Iha - thank you for the reference. I noticed they seem to base their results on this Dr. Sank but wikipedia (for what it is worth) says this about him:

Lawrence I. Sank[45] thought that masturbating prone (lying face downward) could be responsible for sexual problems in some men including anorgasmia and erectile dysfunction. He based this theory on four men he examined and coined the term traumatic masturbatory syndrome to describe it. As of 2008, no follow-up research has been conducted and the idea is not familiar or widely-held within the medical community. Some authors, however, continue to give it credence.[46][47]

(wikipedia entry on "Masturbation")

So I am still somewhat confused.

[Amylynn920]

Queensman stay away from Wikipedia. Go to google and look for more info.

I don't know the effects if they are true or false, so I can't say whether this would be an issue for you or not.

Even if there is no SI (sexual intercourse) between you and your g/f, getting comfy talking about sexual issues is really something you should do. Communication is vital.

I hope you find your answers!

[Tyger]

Wikipedia has some good info, but not all of it's up-to-date and some of it is biased. Don't base "everything" you learn on WP to be factual. Just because it sounds similar to "encylopedia", doesn't make it like one.

What I would also like to point out, is that once either a man OR a woman find a way to a pleasurable, quick, and successful orgasm, they tend to use the way that they got there, and sometimes, they get frustrated if nothing else works, and revert back to what does. See what I am saying? If you have it in your mind that you are NOT going to cum any other way, then you won't.

Masturbation is usually for the quick "O". For the quick release, whether it's for a man or for a woman. You also need to learn how to take time, and find out what ELSE you like. For a virgin, this is more self-exploration. With a lover, it's practice.

A real live woman feels a lot different then the mattress, trust me. I have a feeling you may like being on top, due to the pressure you seem to prefer. However, let your GF (once you're ready to do so) know that you're unsure what to do, or what you like. I'm assuming she knows you're a virgin? Great lovers are made, not born, so she should know this. Men don't automatically KNOW how to please a woman, or know what will please them until they try. So, just relax, let her do her thing, and let her know when she's doing something that feels good, and when she's doing something you just don't like.

Best wishes.

[Queensman]

Thank you Aiden and Tyger for your comments.

Aiden - yes, I see that you are right about the communication with my gf. I am a rather formal guy and I have trouble with this - I am outgoing with my girlfriend because I want her to think the best of me, but I am generally rather shy.

Tyger - I see your point about being habituated to my approach. I will try the "normal" way more consistently and see what happens. No, my gf does not know I am a virgin - it has just never been mentioned in our conversations. I have only been with her three months and she is the first girlfriend I have ever had.

Truth be told, Tyger, I am very aware of having no experience and I am afraid of failing her which pains me a lot. I look at all the toys for women on this site (I never knew things like this existed three weeks ago) and I feel more pressure to be great sexually for my girlfriend. The thought of disappointing her makes me sick. When I was sitting in my girlfriends room I accidentally found her (large) vibrator by a chair I was sitting in. I was horrified to have inadvertently invaded her privacy. That is why I came to this site - I barely knew what it was. I am amazed and a bit intimidated by what these things can do. And if she has experienced these wonderful things with these vibrators won't I disappoint her? She certainly will not disappoint me, but seeing disappointment on her face would kill me. I want to be the best for her - it is vanity but it is also because I love her and I worked very hard for a year to win her heart.

I am sorry if this does not make much sense, but it has really made me anxious. I am rather afraid of getting intimate so I have been avoiding her in the evenings recently. She is getting a bit upset at me. And as I mentioned earlier, I am having trouble getting an erection which is making me more fearful.

I am very fit and athletic and I do very well in school, and I am with the girl of my dreams but for some reason my confidence has taken a beating. Anyway, Aiden and Tyger, that is my situation.

[synirr]

...but for some reason my confidence has taken a beating.

Honestly... maybe there are problems with masturbating prone and maybe not, I don't know jack about the subject, but I bet this is a large part of your problem right here. Your confidence.

Hun, take it from a VERY sexual young lady who famously had a heart of stone until very recently... if you have her heart, you have everything you need to please her. The first time may not be spectacular; even with experienced partners it rarely ever is. It takes time to learn what your partner likes and doesn't like. If she really cares about you, the first time with you is going to be special to her no matter what, and you have all the time in the world to practice... it'll just keep getting better and better . Stop stressing over it and start thinking of it as trying something new and exciting for the first time!

[Amylynn920]

Queensman,

First off your honesty with her will mean everything and it sets the foundation for trust.

From a woman's point of view on the toys. Yes they are fun, they are just toys. They do not replace our men.

And fear of failure or not being as good as the toys is a real male concern. But read the forums and you will be getting alot of viewpoints on this.

My husband felt bad when I started bringing toys into the fun. He felt less than adequate. Then after much discussion he understood that they are not replacements.

He has three male sleeves of his own, now and loves them for a change from his hand or mine.

Also I suggest you check the articles area Sex Ed Articles

There is a wealth of info there.

[Tyger]

Thank you Aiden and Tyger for your comments.

Aiden - yes, I see that you are right about the communication with my gf. I am a rather formal guy and I have trouble with this - I am outgoing with my girlfriend because I want her to think the best of me, but I am generally rather shy.

Tyger - I see your point about being habituated to my approach. I will try the "normal" way more consistently and see what happens. No, my gf does not know I am a virgin - it has just never been mentioned in our conversations. I have only been with her three months and she is the first girlfriend I have ever had.

Truth be told, Tyger, I am very aware of having no experience and I am afraid of failing her which pains me a lot. I look at all the toys for women on this site (I never knew things like this existed three weeks ago) and I feel more pressure to be great sexually for my girlfriend. The thought of disappointing her makes me sick. When I was sitting in my girlfriends room I accidentally found her (large) vibrator by a chair I was sitting in. I was horrified to have inadvertently invaded her privacy. That is why I came to this site - I barely knew what it was. I am amazed and a bit intimidated by what these things can do. And if she has experienced these wonderful things with these vibrators won't I disappoint her? She certainly will not disappoint me, but seeing disappointment on her face would kill me. I want to be the best for her - it is vanity but it is also because I love her and I worked very hard for a year to win her heart.

I am sorry if this does not make much sense, but it has really made me anxious. I am rather afraid of getting intimate so I have been avoiding her in the evenings recently. She is getting a bit upset at me. And as I mentioned earlier, I am having trouble getting an erection which is making me more fearful.

I am very fit and athletic and I do very well in school, and I am with the girl of my dreams but for some reason my confidence has taken a beating. Anyway, Aiden and Tyger, that is my situation.

Grrr!! I wrote a response, and it got lost!!! I HATE that!! LMAO

OK, so, thank you for your detailed response back.

Let me first off say that you're doubts & fear of disappointing your GF in bed are totally normal, whether you're a virgin or not. Men have these fears of disappointing a new lover due to not knowing what she likes. It takes time for lovers to discover what works for their SOs.

True, she uses toys. She's been sexually active, and her body craves that release, just like you crave the release when you masturbate, right? But, as a woman who has a VARIETY of small, medium, large, and OMFG toys, I would MUCH rather have my husband make love to me, than play with my toys. NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING replaces a real live lover.

You have said you have the girl of your dreams, worked hard to win her over, and now aren't sure what to do. If she's as wonderful as you're claiming, and you can talk to her about anything, then you need to tell her that you are a virgin, and want to please her, and are eager to learn how to do so. Trust me, that kind of honesty will NOT be a negative thing, or cause her to laugh at you. If she truly, and I MEAN TRULY cares for you, she will appreciate the open and honest statement, not laugh, and appriate how hard that was. IF she laughs at you, she's a shallow, heartless person that you should walk away from.

Best wishes!

[Amylynn920]

I fully agree with Tyger. And I bet she does not laugh and you two start a very open honest convo.

Good luck!

[zakdad]

Queensman, Listen to Tyger and Adien on this!! Search this site for tips, but the best is to communicate with your girlfriend about all of your fears and that you truely want to please her. All of us men have had these worries like you about sex. You never learn it all, but it is fun learning everything you can with real practice!! As a musician, the best practice is playing live and the same goes for sex! With a real live person!! Masterbation is great, but the real thing is where you learn! That goes for her and her toy as well!

It is not going to be perfect the first time, but if you are 19 you should be able to go again pretty fast! Then, practice as much as she will let you!!haha Learning as you go to do the things that make her happy is a never ending process! This site is a great place to learn so many things and you should never quit learning!! I am 45 years old and never want to stop learning new ways to please my wife!! We practice as much as possible and still learn new things all the time! We just found a way to make her cum in a matter of minutes, but don't use that one all the time because we want to have prolonged sex with multiple orgasms for her when time permits! It is a journey to perfection that I hope niether of us will quit trying to find with our sex life!

Now, you need to relax and let it happen!! Your brain is the real problem here! If you overthink anything and let yourself worry about what if, then it is more prone to affect YOU! Just relax, communicate and have FUN!! Everyone in the world was at the same point as you once in their lives(maybe not the masterbating part) and most of us have learned what it takes to make another person happy! You will get there, but don't be scared that you have to be great the first time!! Get ready for round two and learn from your mistakes!! That is really where communication really helps! She can tell you things and you can tell her things that will make the learning curve shorter!!

The best of luck to you on this! Just relax and talk about things with your girlfriend!!

Peace,

Mark

[Queensman]

Wow, thank you to everyone for your kind responses. Thank you so much. It has really made me calm down and feel a bit better. Nobody has ever spoken to me about these things before.

Synirr - I read and re-read your post last night and it really, really helped me. I really have to get over the stress - it is not helping me or my girlfriend.

Aiden - thank you for your thoughts and for directing me to the articles. Just glancing through them makes me realize I don't know anything. Yes, my gf is a kind person and she will be understanding when I summon the courage to just talk to her. Maybe I'll walk with her along the Potomac this evening and have a heart-to-heart talk with her.

Tyger - thank you very much for your thoughts - they really helped me. Your answer made me realize that I am probably doing a disservice to my girlfriend by doing what I have been doing. Since she is a good person, why am I so worried she would react differently from her nature? I'll have to get over worrying about the toy as well. It seems silly when I think about my reaction - it just felt like it was competition for her affection and maybe she would prefer it to me.

FuncplinKY - thank you for your post it cheered me up a lot. My brain really is the problem and I am going to get out of my room. I think, as you said, I just need to get over this hurdle and then things will become more natural and better. I really appreciated your thoughts about everyone goes through this - all the other guys seem to be beyond this. Which means I couldn't talk to anyone. So thank you very much for taking the time to help me.

[Kinky Twinkie]

Hey i used to do this!

Glenn