Sigh

[mystofpric]

I recieved a fabulous wake up call this morning. A dick shot from my college crush. Naturally this lead to swapping pictures from then, through my shower, and until i had to leave for my doctors appointment. I even ordered and sent him a Clone-A-Willy kit, he's making it for me for my birthday! (8.5x2.5? and it vibrates?! Yes please.) As always, there was racy conversation which, again as always lead to discussing our lives and what not, him advising me on stuff, me giving my opinon on things, and us just generally being really good friends. Which, again as always, it leads me to missing him.

We never dated, dispite my best efforts. But when I moved away last year we both started wondering why we never dated. He came over the night before I left we sat and talked about all of our troubles, i cried, he teared up, 2hours and all the high notes hit, he left and i moved away the next day He would tell me that me missed me and all at jazz. Last October we met up for my birthday and well, he's the last person I slept with (my car will never be the same) and in the middle of it he stopped and said "I missed you so much" I didn't respond because i assumed it was just the hormones talking, but he stopped again "No, Sue, i really did miss you!" and my little heart melted. When I moved home, he'd graduated and left. Then I started dating the work jerk (haha they're both named adam!) and my college crush was very jealous but told me that he'd be there for me and supported me through all of my issues. I miss him and he's actually the only guy that I have ever actually been able to SLEEP with, without feeling the need to get up and run. We have had a lot of issues. Most people assume we hate each other because of the trouble that we had. No matter what the trouble was, we always came back to each other.

The last time I talked to him, he told me that he was starting to see someone and I wished him luck and backed off a bit. Then I got that this morning. So naturally I'm sitting here feeling odd. I never know how to explain it. Part of me wonders why h'd send that to me, and the other part of me wishes i got more than just that. I feel, almost empty i guess is a way to explain it. I keep trying to make plans wit him to go see him but he manages a bar, so guess when he works? And I work during the week, see where it gets tough? He'll always be the one that got away.

[Amylynn920]

*hugs* Suzy. And I think he sent you the pic because it's comfortable territory for you both. And he misses you. And how come you can't plan a get away to meet up with him? Even for friendships sake??

[mystofpric]

*hugs* Suzy. And I think he sent you the pic because it's comfortable territory for you both. And he misses you. And how come you can't plan a get away to meet up with him? Even for friendships sake??

I've tried, he always backs out at the very last minute, usually when I'm already on teh road. I kinda think that even getting together as friends is a new step for us and iknoew neither one of us has any good experiences with long distance relationships. Hell if I had my way, he;s only 4 hours away, I could be there every weekend if he wanted me there. It's kinda depressing. But I can sort of understand. Only not cause I want more

[sass]

Oh Lord, this is so much like my situation. Change a few of the reasons and circumstances, you have my life! Since I can't figure out what to do with my situation, I doubt I can be of much help to you, other than to say I know EXACTLY how you feel. You are not alone. Oh, and I can offer a cyber shoulder for you to cry on, if I can cry on yours!

[ohshelly]

Suzy, you are 22 years old, and if he is the one who got away, it doesn't sound like he went far.

Sounds like maybe you are both starting to explore a new level in your relationship

and he is a little more frightened of it then you are.

I hope it turns out well.

[cmwise1]

Sounds like he wants more...sending dick shots is not for just a "good friend" but is afraid at the last minute. What do you want to do, Suzy? If this has been off and on for a while, is it time to make the decision and confront him or do you think that will drive him away?

He obviously wants you but you could be the "fill in" girl in between the others

This is just me, because i am impatient and can't tolerate frustration well. I would call him out..either follow through with the dates or quit sending the shots. He either gets all of you or none. Sexually.

If he wants to be friends then be friends...but no dick shots...that's not fair to you.

[mystofpric]

Sounds like he wants more...sending dick shots is not for just a "good friend" but is afraid at the last minute. What do you want to do, Suzy? If this has been off and on for a while, is it time to make the decision and confront him or do you think that will drive him away?

He obviously wants you but you could be the "fill in" girl in between the others

This is just me, because i am impatient and can't tolerate frustration well. I would call him out..either follow through with the dates or quit sending the shots. He either gets all of you or none. Sexually.

If he wants to be friends then be friends...but no dick shots...that's not fair to you.

Pinky~

I always thought I was the fill-in during college, w'd be hot and heavy for two months than he's gone nd I hear through the grape vine he's dating someone. This was one our problems during college, the other big one was that his brother hates me with a seering passion and anytime things would be going good between us, he'd step in and tell my crush that I've been talking shit about him behind his back.

After my birthday last year I told him I wanted more, that since I lived in PA and he was down outside the city we weren't that far away from each other and I was willing to make the drive to see him. He told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship. This has always been his excuse me. And after hearing that enough i just started to assume it was just me. Now granted he actually hasn't dated anyone else since I moved away over a year ago. So i guess I can believe that. But now he's done his disappearinmg act again.

When I drive down to Jersey to meet up withe some if the sexy ladies from here I was hoping to stop off and see him, even ifit's just for coffee, which as much I want the sex (and believe me if he dropped trou, I'd be all over him) I'd rather just the coffee. <sigh>

I'm always editting myself when I talk to him, nothing major just things like avoid the "I love"s and i don't even mean the three big words I mean like the "I love when you....." or anything like that. I don't initiate the " miss you"s because I don't want to come across as clingy, which I can be some times. He's always been really caring about stuff and if I need that shoulder he's there but I just have to wonder why he's still have perks when he's not actually going to get any? I mean, i offer to come down and see him, buut then he backs out, so it can't be teh sex that he's after and we've never had phone sex and the closest to cyber we have come is when we reminence about our favorite times. I just don;t understand.

Suzy