Casual Relationships

[Shanramae]

Ok, to sum this up, I have a really good friend I have been friends with him since I was 17, I just recently re connected with him 2 years ago after last seeing him in 95.. so back in the day, we would hang out talk about going on vactions... just cool stuff, well I wound up in a relationship with OUR mutual friend.

SO it was cool.. after time I married the man I was dating. And "R"( name for now) went his own way. soooo 2 years ago as I said we reconnect and we finally meet up after a few weeks of e-mailing each other, and we both kindda brought up the past, and he told me he always had a crush on me, but I was in a relationship, and i was and wasn't surprised( ya know) so we then got on the subject of sex.( oh I forgot to mention at this point of reconnecting I am seperated from my husband and currently) And we were both kinnda like "yeah" that is something we both desired. After seeing him, it was so cool it was like we picked up were we left off.. like not even a day passed. SO after our dinner and drinks we went back to his place and well.. had sex... was good. At first I was like "how could I do this seeing him for the first time" but i felt comfortable because we were friends.. so after that we would see each other maybe month , or every other month. Nothing serious. My big point in this is when we get togther we sit , talk, go to the movies and he is always real affectionate.. like if we had a "relationship". I mean "f*** buddies" well in my experience just do the deed and move on.. never cuddle or be kinnda romantic. With touching, passionate kising( which he is phenominal at) and just BE! Ok so here it gets sticky! I know not to get emotional involved with guys anymore and just keep it cool especially being in a failed relationship I wasn't really looking for that. BUT I did! not heavily , but I DID! (UGH) and so I expressed to him how I felt, but told him I wanted to be cool and not loose him in anyway.. and his response was that he was cool with that, and was like if I didn't like you you wouldn't be here. (OK!?) thats it, I thought! UGH!!! What ?? so the next time few months go by, and right in the middle of sex I tell him" I have missed you so much.. and recipricated!! SO we are laying on the couch and he is holding me, and I say "so what is this a "Casual relationship?" And he like yeah you could say that! BUT wait there are two definitions to that term.. and he is so hard to get things out of , maybe he is afraid to say to much , so he wont get attached. but its killing me!! I just want him to express in words. As I said in sex he does , I think when someone is very attentive with kissing and touching gently and almost lovingly , that says ALOT!

SO in June he sends me this email and in it are links for school girl costumes, he asks me to dress up for him, ( HELLO! SHOCKED)at first I was like NO way.. but the more he expressed his intrest reassuring his level of attraction I was like "yea" well the day comes and we are both sick I have strep and he has a sinus infection..

He was so bummed as I, and alls he did was text me and e-mail me how alls he could think about was touching me, kisisng me and what he wanted to do.(so not liek him) I was shocked and flattered. I sent him a few teaser pics.. and he said he was going crazy wanting me.( again shocker) BUT a couple weeks go by rescheduling is SO DIFFICULT ( he works as an IT mang. for a firm that also works out of a another country so his hrs are screwy and he has a band etc) He

e-mails me like twice saying he is gonna be close to work in a hotel and never says come by.. ( but I can tell he wants to) so I offer and hes like Yeah... so we hung for like 2 hrs at this point he had been up over 48hrs. I did'nt dress up cos I knew it was gonna be a "quicky". After that I had a few prior things going on, and he was busy.. SO I would e-mail him ask when we were gonna get together , and he sent a response a few days later( common) and says ,"You free such and such date I would like to see you early and have you spend the night" . Its difficult for me i have 3 kids , so making arrangments are sometime tricky. But that particular date I COULD!! YIPPEE.. right.... that day I get an e-mail apologizing, hes gotta go out of town,buisness. ( :-( ) says he will make it up to me

( BLAH BLAH BLAH) at this point I am frustrated , kinnda sad and emotions all flustered. SO once again I email him a couple times asking when are gonna get togther , I cannot wait to see you and NO RESPONSE...(WTF!!!!!!) NOTHING for like 2 weeks and I was PISSED OFF ..Now.... I was pissed cos he built me up , was eager and flattering and so I was excited, now he acts like "whatever" Alls I keep telling myself" fuck him" I do not need his shit, and I just want to walk away... OH but I know I won't, he is the only one I have slept with the whole time of my seperation, theres a certain comfort I have with him. OK so Friday I get a text and alls he says "you free wed?" and I respond "sure" he says "ok, well I will let ya know what time wed.. I may have the day off.." And thats it. I am excited... yes! I really do wanna see him but a part of me is hurt.... as I said I have invested myself emotionally...and somewhere deep down inside me feels like he kinnda feels the same way.. but maybe the fact I have 3 kids and just seperated from hubby scares him.. dunno! And I know his past G/f asked for marriage and he said NOPE, and I have expressed my feelings on marriage again..thats a big fat NO! I know he is super independat and is really used to do what he wants so why change that .... so my whole point is I would love feedback on how you see this and how to read him.. I really think I summed it up well, And do I express my hurt, and explain to him how I feel and I would like more of his take on us as well. I am so confused. HELP!

... Hopefully the post makes sense and doesn't sound jumbled!.....

Thanks alot!

[sass]

Lordy, it makes TOO MUCH sense to me!!! I am not position to offer advice, having just made some decisions about my FWB situation. What I can tell you is I know EXACTLY how you feel. My decision may not be what's best for you, but I have posted about it. Feel free to send me a pm if you want to talk more. And good luck! You have company in this!

[mystofpric]

You have a lot of company in this. I can't give any advice on how to deal with it because I have only just decided to leave mine be. Good luck hun and keep us posted.

[Amylynn920]

If you want opinions on how I see this and what I think, I think you answered it. You're fuck buddies. He asks you to dress up because that's a sexual thing.

Express your hurt? Over what? You're in a casual relationship getting together for sex. I don't see girlfriend written anywhere on what you've said so far.

[mystofpric]

If you want opinions on how I see this and what I think, I think you answered it. You're fuck buddies. He asks you to dress up because that's a sexual thing.

Express your hurt? Over what? You're in a casual relationship getting together for sex. I don't see girlfriend written anywhere on what you've said so far.

Ouchies.

Shan- All you can do is talk to him. Simple as that. That is the only way you'll know where he stands and he'll know where you stand.

[sass]

Ouchies.

Shan- All you can do is talk to him. Simple as that. That is the only way you'll know where he stands and he'll know where you stand.

I agree with Suzy. It will be hard - trust me! But you need to talk to him. I was scared to death to have "the talk" with my FWB but now can't believe I waited so long. I mis-read so many things and made so many false assumptions that drove me crazy, that were not needed. I would not have gone through that if I had just talked to him sooner.

And as for being "fuck buddies", that doesn't mean you don't have some feelings for him, even if you aren't asking for a serious relationship. I adore my FWB - I would not have been his "fuck buddy" for the last two years if I didn't like him - but even if our situation wasn't so complicated, I don't know that I would want to settle down and do the whole domestic-thing. I mean, some day maybe, but that is just not where I am right now. Perhaps that is the same with you. Maybe not. Only you know that. Some people are ready for that kind of relationship very early in life, some later, some not at all. I may get there, but I am not there now.

In any case, you have to do what will make YOU happy. But you need first to decide what that is (often the hardest part) and then talk with him.

Good luck!

[Shanramae]

If you want opinions on how I see this and what I think, I think you answered it. You're fuck buddies. He asks you to dress up because that's a sexual thing.

Express your hurt? Over what? You're in a casual relationship getting together for sex. I don't see girlfriend written anywhere on what you've said so far.

Well thanks for all the input.. everyone

and I never said anywhere I wanted to be his G/F.. or there was any intention...

and well if I am hurt, sad , mad it is what it is.....

Anytime you involve yourself with another, you cannot help

to have some level of feelings which leaves you vulnerable.

Unless you are like ice......

I know what I have with him, and it IS NOTHING more than sex. SO regaurdless

of who or what , people can still effect us emotionally whether its good or bad.

so yeah talkin to him is what I will need to do....

Was just looking for feedback... so thanks again

[mystofpric]

Well thanks for all the input.. everyone

and I never said anywhere I wanted to be his G/F.. or there was any intention...

and well if I am hurt, sad , mad it is what it is.....

Anytime you involve yourself with another, you cannot help

to have some level of feelings which leaves you vulnerable.

Unless you are like ice......

I know what I have with him, and it IS NOTHING more than sex. SO regaurdless

of who or what , people can still effect us emotionally whether its good or bad.

so yeah talkin to him is what I will need to do....

Was just looking for feedback... so thanks again

Shan I hope our responses haven't offended you in any way, and I hope you realize that most of us speak from our own experiences, and situtations always vary.

[Shanramae]

Shan I hope our responses haven't offended you in any way, and I hope you realize that most of us speak from our own experiences, and situtations always vary.

No offense taken, and hey thats why I asked! I was just confirming

that I knew where I stood, as well as my feelings

on the whole thing! Ya get?!

But again Thanks from all on your take and helping me out.

[Amylynn920]

Sorry if I sounded harsh, but this guy is looking at this as a fuck buddy situation, as well as that was what this was originally supposed to be by your post:

Your quote: "how could I do this seeing him for the first time" but i felt comfortable because we were friends.. so after that we would see each other maybe month , or every other month. Nothing serious. My big point in this is when we get togther we sit , talk, go to the movies and he is always real affectionate.. like if we had a "relationship". I mean "f*** buddies" well in my experience just do the deed and move on.. never cuddle or be kinnda romantic."

So what does this tell you? This is how he is acting. This is apparently what he is looking for. Casual sex no attachments.

Then you said:

"SO we are laying on the couch and he is holding me, and I say "so what is this a "Casual relationship?" And he like yeah you could say that! BUT wait there are two definitions to that term.. and he is so hard to get things out of , maybe he is afraid to say to much , so he wont get attached. but its killing me!! I just want him to express in words. As I said in sex he does , I think when someone is very attentive with kissing and touching gently and almost lovingly , that says ALOT!"

Which says to me you want more than he is willing to give.

And I think he's rebound material, and you need to sort things out as Tango said.

Just my .02