What To Do...

[Gabby82]

My husband and I have been married for three years,have two kids and he was deployed with the military for almost tow of them. He came back and now we are having problems. Wonder why? Anyway while he was gone he asked me to do some research into what I liked sexually telling me that I was a prude and not very good in bed. So I did. I found that I am into being dominated. Nothing extreme but just a little and no where but in the bedroom. He won't even try it says that it isn't his thing and that it is kind of freaky that it's mine. Along with htat there have been issues of him not coming to bed and watching porn of the internet and them coming in and asking me to "roll over and spread". Yes those were his words. I have never had an orgasm and always end up just frustrated. I have bought toys and asked and since he likes porn I offered to watch it with him. No deal. I don't want anything extreme just a little consideration and some planning sometimes. Now don't get me wrong in the other aspects of our life he's ok. He's a great dad and he is fun to hang out with. I love him a lot. So any way here is the real question. WE have been having trouble and part of my thought are about our sexlives and if I want it this way. How important do you actually think sex is to a relationship. Is it a deal breaker when it doesn't get better and he take no suggestions. I feel like maybe I am blowing it out of proportion but I just don't feel tlike this is the way it is supposed to be.

[Tyger]

Wow, I can't believe I missed this either! We are SO bad!! Sorry to keep you hanging for so long! I hope things have gotten better while you waited.

Where I respect your husband for going off and fighting for our country, how DARE he come home from being away from you for so long, and tell you that you suck in bed?? That must've really hurt your feelings and your sexual pride! I can pretty much guarantee that a man wouldn't have tolerated a woman saying that to him, if the roles were reversed!! Personally, I would've kicked his ass out. Hey, if my husband said that to me, after 2 kids, and then treated me the way he is you, damn straight he'd be out the door! If he's unwilling to try your suggestions, or even Howard's many great suggestions, I would say he's being too selfish and controlling to be bothered with, IMO. I'm sorry, I know this sounds a bit harsh, but some men that treat their wives like that really burn my butt!! Yes, he went away for a long time, TYVM, but he also needs to respect his WIFE for standing by his side loyally, for that long time too, and be appreciative of what YOU have done in his absence as well. Raising 2 kids, almost as a single parent is difficult enough! And the excitement you felt when he came home, only to be slammed with that?

Maybe I'm too suspicious by nature, so it makes me wonder why he says this all of a sudden? Did he enjoy himself before? What's so different now?

So, then you do as he asked, go look up stuff to see what turns you on, to spice up the bedroom scene a little more, and he REFUSES to even try? But you are to tolerate his porn watching and then "Roll over & spread 'em?" I'd have told him "No, that's not my thing, and you suck." So what he does is OK, and your ideas don't count? No, I don't think so. That's just me, though. I'm a bit passionate in what I feel is right and wrong. Sorry if I offended.