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The Mile High Club



Today I flew the return portion of my weekend get-away. I am probably the only person on this planet who raves about how wonderful air travel is. My point being, if I had needed to drive the same distance it would have taken days in each direction. The trip never would have happened. Sure, I'll admit that it sucks being crammed into a tiny seat with no legroom. Flying today is more akin to being herded into a cattle car than a pleasant journey-- BUT compared to driving, the maximum time spent in such an uncomfortable position is relatively short. And gas prices what they are, airline travel is still a deal and great option for adventures of long distance but short duration.

Besides, I'm more than a bit of a princess who loves being waited on hand and foot. It brings me great pleasure to sit and have people bring me things. I make a point of enjoying as much of life as I can. Attempting to enjoy even the little treats in life. I'll sit in my tiny seat reading a book, watching a movie, dinking on my computer, looking at the world going by below-- while people bring me snacks, beverages & movie headsets. Sure, I'm crammed into a seat with total strangers, but one of them may be a total stud who will be a feast for a fantasy during my "alone" time. And of course there have been many real life meetings while in flight, so there's always hope for that too. Life is good!

So today I sat in my tiny center seat remembering the good old days when a couple could discreetly join "The Mile High Club" (30k feet = 1 mile, which is maximum cruising altitude for long haul flights). It was possible to join either in your seat or in the lavatory (or if you were flight crew, anywhere on the aircraft....and I've heard great stories which I may elaborate on in another blog). Antics in the seat were more of a challenge to pull off, except on the overnight international flights when the flight attendants were killing time in the galleys—not walking the aisles. If you planned your trip right, there were times of the year when the flights were so empty that you could get the entire center section of 4 or 5 seats to yourself on a wide body flight. As good as a bed. Oo-la-la!!

The other option, sex in the lav, was also easier to accomplish at night, but could be pulled off during the daytime flights too if the flights were lightly booked and you timed your moves right.
These days though, with all the heightened security involved, it’s pretty much impossible to have 2 people anywhere near a lav @ the same time. As for attempting any hanky-panky in the seats themselves, well Southwest has pressed charges against a couple on their flight who they claim they caught doing something (a blow job? I’m unsure. I think I heard that her head was in his lap....under a blanket?).

During 20 years with a major international airline, I was privy to some pretty funny true stories of what has gone on during flights prior to 9-11. One of the funniest was a gal getting drunk in international business class, stripping down in the lav, then “streaking” the cabin while flight attendants chased her with blankets. I've heard first hand accounts of flight attendants going down into the lower galley of a DC10, jamming the elevator door open so it wouldn't move while they joined The Club in total privacy (and much nicer environment than an aircraft lavatory!).

Joining The Mile High Club was something I did for the first time on an overnight flight to Paris. My boyfriend of the time cashed in his airline miles for 2 business class seats. He laid out a plan: he would go into the lav first, leaving the door unlocked & I would join him a few seconds later. At that time it was possible to be much more discreet to be able to pull it off. Remember that back before 9-11 there were cabin curtains separating the different cabins from one another (first to business class, business to coach class). It kept the people in the elite cabins away from the riff-raff in coach. Anyway, on the wide body international aircraft, there was a curtain on both sides of the lavs. One to keep the lav light from bothering the people in the seats while they were trying to sleep. The other curtain was between the lav & the flight attendants galley. This meant that neither the flight crew in the galley, or the customers in business class, could see the door to the lav. Of course if anyone on either side of the curtains were to be paying attention to what was moving around, they would know 2 people went in. If anyone did notice, they certainly didn’t make it known to us. Of course it helped that it was an overnight flight, so everyone on board was trying to sleep, or at least rest during our middle of the night rendezvous.

Today anyone who is attempting to join The Club has a much bigger problem of pulling it off. And the consequences for getting caught are actually punishable with a police escort waiting for you at the end of your flight! Maybe news crews too, if you're unlucky enough to be caught on a really slow news day.

If we wish to join The Club now, it seems we may need to lease our own plane. Or maybe lowering the qualifications of joining The Club to a simple hand job beneath a jacket or blanket. But a hand job doesn't really qualify as sex to most people, unless the recipient is a political appointee or a priest, am I right?

Ms Randi Nite


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