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Need To Get Some Stuff Off My Chest Yet Again


synirr

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Post is about the same guy from the previous ones... sorry that's all I ever write about on here, but it turns out this is really the only place I feel comfortable talking about it, and I need to vent.

First of all, he's doing a lot better. His family found out about his depression and they have all been incredibly supportive... I'm kinda jealous, hehe. He has a great relationship with his family.

If a guy wants to hang out with you every day of the week, that probably means he's interested, right? I like to think so, but let me tell you... it's infinitely more difficult to tell if someone is into you if you're already having sex with them. I mean, it's not like I can rely on the usual physical signals, lol, and he's pretty shy, so that's no help either (but very cute nonetheless, hehe!) During the whole depression thing he was a lot more stand-offish; always busy with school and whatnot, and hard to get ahold of. All of a sudden this week, he asks me to hang out 3 days in a row and stays over until the wee hours of the morning even if he has an 8AM class. We spend one day apart, then the following four days we see a lot of one-another again. Half the time we ended up falling asleep watching movies before we even managed to have sex, so it's not just about that. All this time together has reawakened my hope that he might want something more. I want to sweep him off his feet so bad it hurts.

This literally never happens to me, but I am SO hung up on him. I've NEVER felt like this, EVER. I feel like a giddly little girl. I want to throw caution to the wind and jump head-first into this, instead of keeping my emotions under control like I always do. It scares the hell out of me that I am thinking this way -- I didn't think it was possible -- but it's also exciting. I'm usually so level-headed and put so much effort into staying in control of myself, and for once I actually want to LOSE control. The only thing that keeps me from just telling him that is I'm so afraid the reply won't be what I want to hear. Normally I wouldn't care. Normally, I'd say to myself "well, he's not interested, nothing you can do about that" and move on, but I just want so very badly to give this a try. I tried very hard to look at him as just another guy when he said "just friends," and I succeeded for a short while, but every time I see him I learn something new about him that stuns me. There's so much I want to say to him, like how he amazes me, but I don't want to scare him off. I know that what I want to say would scare ME off, were it said to me when the feelings weren't mutual, and I'm afraid to take that risk.

Ugh, what do I do? Should I just grow a pair and tell him? That's probably what I'll end up doing soon, I'm not sure how much longer I can be patient. Keeping all this bottled up hurts.

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