Difference Between Slave And Sub

[krisleightate]

Many ask if slaves truly exist. In the way a dictionary and history

define slavery, no they do not exist in most modern countries.

(Though there is some contention that slavery rings do still exist

in secret) Most people in civilized countries generally agree that

the legal ownership of another human being is immoral and thus make

it illegal. However, in the world of BDSM, one will find that some

of the people involved call themselves by many different terms; one

of these is the term "slave". Of course, this often raises the

question of how is a slave different from a submissive. This

question often is met with outright hostility, disbelief in the

existence of slaves and the thought that the words slave and

submissive (as nouns) are interchangeable terms within the context

of BDSM. Many will not agree with any of those thoughts, and I am

one of them. I have spent a great deal of time talking with slaves

in the honest attempt to better understand them, their lifestyle

choices, and judge for myself whether or not this is a healthy

variation to the BDSM lifestyle.

To the question of whether or not slaves exist inside of BDSM I say

that yes they do. They may not be the largest group, but there are

quite a few. Do slaves differ from submissives? Again, my answer is

yes they do. Slaves tend to differ from submissives by the way they

think, act, submit and their expectations.

A slave tends to think more along the lines of black and white. They

have very little room for leeway or shades of gray in their

lifestyle choices. They do not seem to expect much leeway in the

reaction of their dominant either. By this I mean, if a slave is

feeling ill and thus doesn't complete all their usual daily tasks,

they will expect the dominant to react with the usual punishment. A

submissive may be more inclined to expect leniency from the dominant

because they were ill. A slave thinks in terms of being owned, not

in terms of submitting. To them, being in a collared relationship

means they are owned, and often this translates into the statement

that they do not have the "right" "choice" or "option" to walk out

if the relationship goes bad. This does not mean a slave will accept

an abusive relationship, though their tolerance limits for what is

abusive and what is not seem to be higher than those of a

submissive. This belief in ownership stems from a strong commitment

on both an emotional and mental level to the dominant. There is a

level of acceptance of the dominant's behavior that can be more

intense and widespread than many submissives would allow. For

example, a dominant wants to bring in a third to the relationship. A

submissive may demand certain criteria be met before they allow (

yes, allow) such to occur, whereas a slave may say "It is not up to

me, if this is what Master wants, so be it" and quietly accept this

new change. To some this kind of thought process is considered wrong

or somehow brought out by abuse, but this is not necessarily true. A

slave thrives on the absolute fact, that they literally have no

control over the relationship or what will occur within it, whereas

a submissive often retains some level of control in the

relationship. The thought process focuses solely on what would make

the master/mistress happiest and how the slave can be most pleasing

to them. Subs tend to think of themselves and their own pleasure in

addition to that of their dominant. Slaves work very hard to put

themselves second in all the things and their owners first. To them,

this is what comes with being a slave and submitting completely.

Slaves put forth a lot of effort in achieving an inner peace with

their chosen position. With this peace comes acceptance of

themselves, and a quiet sense of contentment. They view pride,

arrogance and other such emotions as negative and unbecoming in a

slave.

A slave's behavior is different from a submissive as well. If you

listen to slaves talk about their behavior (or watch them), they

often speak of being quietly accepting, in control of themselves at

all times, formal, and other such things. There seems to be more

focus on how the slave behaves at any given moment, with less

leeway. In many slave relationships, the slave is required to use an

honorific at all times, and couldn't conceive of calling their

master/mistress by any other name. Most slaves find yelling,

tantrums, fits, or any other out of control behavior on the part of

a slave to be reprehensible and deserving of severe punishment.

Slaves put a lot of emphasis on their behavior and how they react to

their dominant. They hold themselves to a high level of self-

control. They require of themselves to have a pleasing demeanor as

much as possible. They see no room for bratting behavior, any form

of topping from the bottom, or any other form of manipulating the

dominant. They see bratting as topping from the bottom, whining,

cajoling or making requests after the initial denial as manipulative

behavior that focuses on the slave's needs/desires instead of the

dominant's and thus not proper. They look down on any behavior that

is perceived as designed to force the dominant to meet a need of the

slave, rather than the slave focusing on the dom's needs. A slave

will strive for perfection within themselves in completing all the

tasks their master/mistress gives to them, while still keeping an

eye out for things that they were not specifically told to do, but

think would please their owner if they did them. A slave is required

to be very self sufficient and capable because they often have a lot

of responsibility placed on them. Slaves often feel that a slave

should not need to be micro managed by their dominant because this

is not pleasing, unless of course the dominant likes to micro

manage. A slave will behave with the utmost of respect in a formal

situation, and with as much respect as any situation warrants. (For

example, quiet time at home may not require as strict a protocol as

a formal party would) None of this emphasis on behavior means that a

slave can't or does not crack jokes, goof off, or engage in verbal

banter. Many slaves do indeed do these things. They do so however,

with a great attention to the dominant's reaction and are careful

not to be hurtful or overly sarcastic. Unless of course the dominant

does not like this kind of behavior, then a slave will do their best

to curtail it. (Which can be quite difficult, and in my opinion

unhealthy, for someone who has a very playful sense of humor as an

inherent part of their personality) So please do not take this

article to say that slaves are not playful, have no sense of humor

or anything like that because it just is not true. Slaves have the

same array of personalities that everyone else does, and they enjoy

them just like anyone else does. Slaves just tend to be a lot more

aware of the dominant's limits to such activities than some

submissives are. They also do not use their playful senses of humor

(if they have one) to brat a dominant into playing with them, unless

the dominant likes this kind of role play scene. Basically they

tailor their behaviors to what the dominant prefers and is most

comfortable with.

A slave's expectations from the dominant and the relationship are

often very different from those of a submissive. A slave does not

expect to have their desires met beyond their basic life supporting

necessities. When their dominant does do something for them, they

see it as a gift, not a necessity. Slaves tend to view things that

many submissives expect in a relationship, as a luxury not a

necessity. This does not mean that a slave will accept being abused

or treated like they are worthless for extended periods of time, it

just means they do not expect all the trappings that others expect

from their relationships. (such as cuddling on demand, talking

whenever the slave wants to talk, sleeping in a bed etc) Slaves

expect their relationship to be difficult at times and their

submission to not be easy all the time. They expect to be asked or

ordered to do things they may not necessarily enjoy because the

focus is not on their enjoyment or pleasure, but on that of their

dominant. They expect to be treated as a slave and not pampered or

cajoled to. They expect to be pushed to their current limits and

have those limits pushed to expand. They expect to meet their

dominants needs at all times and to not have their dominant accept

any manipulation or disobedience. They expect to be used to the full

extent of their current abilities and even trained (or taught

through schooling etc.) to broaden their abilities to meet their

dominant's needs. They do not expect to be consulted on every

decision, asked their opinion all the time, or similar things. This

does not mean they expect to be ignored or treated as if they do not

matter, they just do not expect this as a normal part of the

relationship, though most say their thoughts opinions, feelings and

such are demanded by their dominant and the dominant will often take

them into consideration while making decisions.

A slave submits differently from a submissive as well. Slaves will

set no limits on their dominant's activities. A submissive will

often have hard limits that their dominant can not cross at all, and

soft limits that can be pushed with prior negotiation. A slave has

neither. They will not say that the dominant can't do a certain type

of play or use a specific implement. They may tell the dominant that

they do not like certain activities or implements at the beginning

of the relationship (preferably before a collar) but they do not ban

the dominant from using/doing those things. They expect to be asked

to do things they may not particularly like and they consider it as

part of submission because to them, submission is not about pleasing

the slave, but about pleasing the dominant. Most slaves will say

that because of this it is imperative that the slave chose to submit

to a dominant whose likes/dislikes are a close match of their own

and thus they will not be asked or ordered to do something they are

totally opposed to. But even then, the slave will expect that these

limits may change over time and accept it should it occur. A slave

does not believe they can just leave the relationship. Some believe

once they are collared it is for life and will not request release

even if they feel their lives are in danger or they are being

mentally/emotionally harmed. However, many relationships with slaves

have guidelines in place for release of the slave should the slave

truly desire such. Some slaves believe a slave can't possibly be

abused since the dominant has no limits on what they can do to them,

and if the dominant chooses to act in an abusive manner then that is

their choice. This does not however seem to be the majority belief,

but it also does exist.

Many of these differences overlap, and are applicable to submissives

as well. However, as a whole they exist for most slaves that I have

come into contact with. A slave is not better than a submissive in

my opinion, merely different. Some of these characteristics can

exist in a submissive, or even all of them. The base-separating

factor between the two seems to be in the area of limits within

submission. A slave sets none, a submissive does. Which word one

uses to describe themselves remains a matter of personal choice, and

my intent with this article is not to say otherwise. Instead my

intent is to help others understand slaves a bit better and not look

at them as mindless robots or doormats, because those two terms just

do not fit the vast majority of lifestyle slaves. Whether or not

being a slave is a healthy lifestyle choice is a matter of personal

preference. I believe it can be a very healthy choice, others do not

agree. Like any relationship where the balance of power rests with

one person over the other, abuse can occur. I do not however see any

reason to say it is more widespread among slaves over submissives,

or in bdsm at all.

Copyright © Raven Shadowborne

[Mikayla1]

This was a very interesting and informative article! It is true, there is a definite difference between a slave and a submissive, just as there are differences between BDSM and S/M and Bondage Play. People "in" the lifestyle know the deliniations, but those outside can be easily confused.

Thanks for posting that - it was a good read!