135677443

The lower the better for both parties.

Nice to meet you. This is my first post on this forum. I'm an 18 year old female, virgin and in a relationship of two and a half years. My struggle is that I feel uncomfortable with my sexuality. I don't mind other people's, and I understand that this is something natural, healthy and normal - not to mention essential for a relationship. I'll start by explaining that when I was in the start of puberty, I had a healthy sexual relationship to myself, but that changed after a couple of occasions where I received negative signals from my family. They would jump to conclusions that I was acting sexual (watching a pop music video interpreted as porn, playing massage with friend interpreted as homosexual activity, etc.) when in fact I wasn't, and it led me to feel guilty and ashamed when I in fact was sexual. My family never talks about sex or sexuality, and I never received "the talk" about how babies are made, or how the body matures and reacts. (I'm saying this so you understand that I can't simply "ask my mother" or "talk it out". Last time we came on the topic, I burst in tears of anger because they didn't believe me that I wasn't having sex when my boyfriend slept over.) To the current situation: In the years since puberty, I have had difficulty masturbating, fantasizing, or coming to terms with my sexuality. I can't get turned on, and I'm afraid that it is a problem in my relationship. We are sometimes sexually active, but haven't had intercourse because I can't get myself to do it, and because my partner has a medical issue with his foreskin and he dreads the pain of the procedure. We both desire to have normal sex lives together. I try to handle it, but I am embarassed to have my naked body and private parts be seen, and I instinctively cover myself because I dread to be touched or stimulated. I can do it alone, but for some reason it really bothers me that he knows or assumes that I feel sexual pleasure. I am fine doing anything to him, as long as he does nothing to me. The paradox is that I feel unsatisfied and disappointed in myself later. I want to relax about the whole issue, but whenever I focus on it I feel like crying. (No, I don't have any friends or adults I can talk with, and would rather not involve school nurses or expensive psychologs in the picture. I ask of your personal opinions, criticism and advice.) Right now, we spend a few weeks away, and I want to use this opportunity to fix my issues. I have ordered my first sex toys now hoping that it can help. (I seldom masturbate by hand and don't enjoy it that much.) I have tried watching pornography, but I find it uninteresting and a little repulsive. I also tried erotic short stories, more frequent/different masturbation and creams that increase the blood flow to the genitals. So far, there hasn't been much progress. I'm scared that if I don't get over this, it will ruin my current and potential future relationships. If you have any advice, please share it. It would be greatly appreciated.