telecom69

Mikayla, There is no such thing as nosey on this forum, so that's cool. I'm going to ask her some very tough questions about her sexual issues and that if she doesn't want help, our relationship will not last. I'm going to be very frank. I know what she'll say already. "You're to good for me, I can't change overnight, you need to think of yourself now". I will be taking the advice given here. Howard, you must be a lawyer? Love your response. I'm an engineer by trade and probably tend to anaylze things to much. Telecom

No personal offense is taken Howard and Mikayla. I appreciate your honesty and comments. I know what I have to do. Merry XMAS all! Telecom

My girlfriend went to her second sex therapist vist by herself this time. It was a couple of days before she said anything to me about the visit and I just waited until she was readly to talk about it. Well, it did not go so well. Here is more background about me that has some influence on the way my gf see things. I'm a single father who has an 18 yr old daughter and 15 yr old son living with me. My 18 yr old daughter has had major drug abuse problems in the past, but has been clean for four months now. My 15 yr was getting into a lot of trouble, so between trying to keep my two kinds in line, working, dealing with my gf's issues, etc, I have my hands full most of the time. I typically get to see my gf maybe once during the week, and we're together from Sat afternoon until I come home Sun night. We live about 35 miles apart. My gf has never had kids, so doesn't understand a lot of things I do and why, but supports me very much. My gf brought up these issues to the therapist and the fact that she said she sometimes feels like my "mistress" since we don't get to see each other more. I was really hurt to hear her put it like that. Anyway, the therapist basically told her that she is having weekend flings and has options if she doesn't like it. She can totally cut off the relationship, see other guys along with me, or move back to where she used to live. I think some other things were probably discussed to, but she won't say. She now does not want to go to the therapist any longer. I am dissapointed with that, as I don't know what to do now. While having sex on Sun morning (first time in two weeks), she was sitting on top of me while I was playing with her clit. She really seemed to be enjoying it with some moans and facials that expressed that very well. She even said "cunt" a couple of times which she has never said. My penis momentarily slips out, and as I'm about to put it back in (and I had to take my hand off her clit) she says "no don't, the feeling is gone now" and wanted to stop. I said we don't have to do it this way. I will be glad to use my hands, tounge or whatever she likes. She just says "no don't worry about it". She then goes into the line "I feel bad now because I'm letting you down". Once her "feeling" goes away, thats it. She isn't up for maybe waiting a few mins and then trying something else. I'll do anything to her or for her she wants. I am so confused with this behavior. Of course my erection drops like a rock. I then tell her why does she think the feeling goes away and try to talk more about it, but she feels like I'm analyzing her and she said she always feels on "edge" when having sex and that she would just like to go with the flow. She then gets pretty quiet and tells me we're not sexually compatible, and we'll talk and hold each other and then get up. I love this woman so much and I know she does me. I never press sex on her or do things she may not want to do. I'm slow with foreplay, tender, romantic, and want her to feel good. I don't want her to feel good out of some macho thing on my part, I just want her to experience these things people who love each other are supposed to experience and because I adore her. I just got this from her to... "I wish you were here with me, snuggled up close, and watching worthless stuff on the TV. Then we would crawl into bed around 9:30, cuddle even closer, make out (heavily), and talk about any and everything. I love you!" Thx for letting me vent, because I'm one confused dude. What the fuck am I doing wrong??????? Telecom

Any of the guys out there ever used one of those cock rings that have the vibrating bullet on them? Looking for feedback. Good, bad, models, etc. Thanks....

buttman, You could be right about the giving up control thing and letting go. This is one issue she is supposed to be discussing with the sex therapist this week. First time I ever sent an email to some guy called "buttman".

This is something I find frustrating with my gf. I love to kiss around my gilrfriends neck while just making out or as foreplay. Its a wonderful area to play with as I move her fantastic red hair away and kiss. She finds it to ticklish to kiss around her neck. I've tried it with all sorts of pressure and styles. Its not just a little laugh thats nice during foreplay, but more of a "don't do that as it tickles to much" and it often wrecks the moment. With other women I've had, this was always a sure spot of sensuous foreplay to get them going. It is for me to. I love when my gf flicks my neck with her tounge and gets a little rough. Do other women out there find their neck just to ticklish to do this? I know, find other spots. I am. Telecom....

My girlfriend has possibly agreed to watch a soft core porn (more of a couples movie really) movie with me or to help her get excited alone while she figures out this masturbation thing. What is a good movie (titles please) that isn't hard core banging, anal, or anything scary to turn her off. You know what I mean. I was even thinking just one of the "Better Sex" videos that show couples and are more laid back. What do you think? Thanks...

My gf and I went to the sex therapist\counselor for the first visit yesterday. I was in the room for the entire time, but the visit next week will be just for my gf. It went very well and my gf connected with the therapist very good. The therapist is 70 yrs old and has been doing it for 30 yrs. She looked great for a 70 yr old and looked more like mid-50s. She was very laid back, and picked up on some issues my gf has very fast. Her experience showed. The way she presented questions and solutions was laid back and comfortable. My gf let her know how her mother was dominated by her father, how she hated sex and told my gf that growing up. She let her know that most of her life she has been trying to make others happy and not herself. Her father never showed her much affection and her mother didn't very much either because it made her father jealous and angry. Yes, her dad has a lot of issues! The therapist is focusing on her happiness now and to let go of the issues her mother had with sex, and that her mother would want her to be having good sex with someone she loves and would tell her to "go for it". Her mother passed away about seven yrs ago. My gf said she loves me and that she can't understand why I am with her and thinks I'm temporary until something better comes along for me. The therapist told her do you think your bf would still be her ten months later and paying $150\hr for therpay for you if he wasn't going to stick around? She was very adamant that my gf let go of the idea that my relationship with her is temporary. She went into asking her about masturbating to. My gf quit doing it over a month ago and she doesn’t know why. She said she still feels guilty when she does it. Therapist told her its very important she start to use it again, get in tune with her body, and learn what feels good for her and to bring that to me in the bedroom. Hopefully my gf will start using the vibrator again. I'm not intimidated by any of that. The therapist said their aren't many loving, tender, nice looking, and masculine men around and let my gf know its only fair she work out these issues with the guy (me) how obviously adores her. I was still a little surprised about how little she knows\knew about sex. My gf told the therapist she really didn't know about her clit and that I showed her that for the first time with oral sex and how it felt to her. Therapist told her to take a light and mirror to examine her vagina, but my gf told me after leaving there is no way she will probably do that. Therapist also told us to not to have sex for a couple of week. After we got home in the evening and very cold outside, we made homemade chocolate cookies and enjoyed joking and laughing while making a mess in the kitchen and gorging on cookies before going to bed. In the end, both of us agreed it went better than we expected it to go. I don't know how many sessions I can afford, but will do the best I can. Telecom...

I guess you don't mind if your wife has a boyfriend or sugar daddy then? In my opinion, why the fuck is someone married if its ok to have a bf or gf?

Its nice to see the ladies responding back about what they like. Let me give a scenario that happend to me and my gf on Sun morning. Is this something the ladies would enjoy to? I know my gf REALLY did. I told her to stay in bed while I made us pancakes. I made the pancakes and brought them and the syrup bottle into bed with us. We enjoyed those, and then napped for about 30 mins. After waking up, I surprised her with grabbing the syrup bottle and putting a few drops on her nipples and stomach and slowy licking them off. My gf is still naive and shy about sex (but getting better), so I wasn't sure what how she would respond to this. She loved it! We both found it erotic, but more importanly we both were laughing and found it just plain fun. After making love we didn't even realize that one or both of us had laid on the bottle and the pour spout had come off, and the bottle was almost empty with syrup everywhere on the sheets and comforter. We were laughing SO HARD we had tears coming down our cheeks. A very fun morning indeed!

Let me give anothers mans opinion. My gf is 5'3" and 139lbs, which is probably considered overweight, but I don't consider her "fat". I prefer a bigger butt, but not huge. I love spooning against her while sleeping at night naked and feeling her butt. Soft and warm. I don't want to feel bones either. I've been to bed with a Barbie type, and to my surprise I was not that aroused. Just my opinion. Gf is self aware that her butt is big and it brings her self esteem down. She has never had kids, but does have a small pooch in the belly. Her tits are average with barely any sag for a 44 yr old. Nice perkey nipples to. The bigger butt and pooch NEVER bothers me during sex. Most men if they are into it really don't notice that. I have about 9% bodyfat. I don't cycle\race competitevly anymore, but I still cycle and lift weights to stay in shape. I know the body type differences between us bothers my gf a little to, but she is glad that I take care of myself. I often see some pig looking men with very attractive women and can't figure that out sometime. Summary, I like more meat on a women to. Barbie types and trophy girlfriends are not for me. Telecom

Tor, Drunk in Hong Kong. Now that sounds like fun! Times sure have changed. The guys on this forum are the conservative ones with the responses I've seen, and the ladies are more open. Culture usually dictates its the other way around. My gf has a friend that is in a steady relationship with some guy, but the guy doesn't know she masturbates with some guy on the internet who jacks off over the phone to her at the same time. That is cheating. Guess it just all depends on how you put your spin on it.

crazy, Your overview is right on at least for me. Mine goes a little father than that even. I've been in situations several times where I could have gone out with some very nice looking ladies for only drinks or dinner while I've been dating my girlfriend. These were asked by friends or co-workers to go out with sisters, friends, etc. I decided not to do any of them as to not put myself in any situations that could compromise me. You all know the situation with my gf, so at first the invitations did seem inviting. These were non-sexual, but this is cheating to in my eyes. I've just always tried to put myself in my partners shoes and how would I FEEL if she had those opportunities. Some on the forum say Cybersex is ok for them. Is it ok if your partner does it to without you knowing? Not judging anyone, but just curious.

I agree with crazy1. I guess I'm old fashioned. I know I wouldn't want my partner to do it, so I shouldn't either. Just my opinion.

She told me this morning that she does want me to go with her and be outside to come in when and if she or the therapist wants me to. I've never been thru this before, so it should be interesting. I can tell she is nervous. I have to pay $150 a visit since it isn't covered on insurance, so I can't do more than a few, which I understand may not be enough visits.

Well, next week she will have her first appt with a sex therapist. This lady also specializes in depression and anxiety. I told my gf if she can't try to make this better, than I did my best and there is nothing else I can do. I think she got the message. Here is what she said. Of course I’ll go! I can take time off of work if I have enough notice. I do want to go but I may be uncomfortable at first – afraid of saying something wrong or stupid. Please, bear with me, ok? Question for all of you. I told her I would go if she wants, but do you think it will be better if the first appt is by herself?

Thx Howard. This is where I've started, and found three in our area. http://www.aasect.org/

Curvacious, You hit it RIGHT on the head! That is EXACTLY what she said to me about failing me, not fulfilling me, and she will tend to shut down, which just makes it worse. We laid in bed last night and talked for a long time and she has agreed to go, but is scared. I basically had to lay it out blunty that if she won't get some help that our relationship will not get better. It's OUR problem and not just hers. She went to a psychiatriast about five yrs ago to talk about her depression, and after a couple of sessions, the psychiarist started talking about his divorce and she felt like he was coming onto her. So, she has a bad taste for all that to overcome also. I have great insurance. I like the idea of going together, and I am more than willing to do that. I do think she needs more of a sex therapist and not a general pychologist or psychiatrist though. She still asks me why am I putting all this effort into this for so long when I could just go out with other women, have great sex, and not have to deal with her crap. I just tell her I love her very much and its worth it for her. She looks at me with a smile with tears coming down her eyes. Hopefullly she knows why now.

Now she is avoiding conversations about going to the therapy, says she feels sad and hollow that she has let me down, etc. I don't get it. I even told her I would pay for the therapy. What am I missing? Am I being to pushy?

This is what I wrote her. Comments? These are not easy words at all for me to say.... If you love me as much as you say you do, you will allow me to help you overcome your orgasm and other issues, and you will try to help yourself more. I told you I would be willing to pay for some therapy sessions to see if there is maybe just something very obvious going on with a mental block or other wall. If you are not willing to do this (unless you know of other positive opitons), then that tells me how you really feel about our relationship and I'll make no other attempts to help or discussions on it. We both know well this is a part of our relationship that needs help. It bothers me, and it bothers you. I know you would want to go the distance with me to help me in anyway you could if the circumstances were reversed and do the same thing I'm doing. You are only letting me and yourself down if you elect to do nothing. I love you so much, so take this as no other meaning or intention on my part. This all isn't "to much" for me if you get some professional assistance. There is nothing wrong with it. I know it won't be easy for you, and I understand that. If I really didn't care, I would just say forget it and move on, and I haven't. I care!

Ok, my girlfriend has finally accepted to see a sex therapist about her sexual issues. Issues like can't orgasm and won't masturbate to find out how, doesn't talk during sex, the way she was raised, etc. I gave her a "loving" ultimatum that I can't continue on like this (I have for ten months) and if she loves me as much as she does, she will allow me to get her some help. My question is this? How do you go about finding a reputable sex therapist? Thanks!

Cinders, We have talked about her problems a lot. She was married for 20 yrs to husband who had no concerns about her sexual feeling (quick sex and go to sleep) , she was raised Catholic, mom told her sex and masturbation were bad, low self esteem, almost never masturbates to find out what she likes, never had an orgasm, some depression, etc. She says she has never been abused, raped, etc. Did you go behind your mans back to find out his issues? My girlfriend has told me her issues.

My Friends.. Many have read my posts about my journey with my girlfriend of almost a year and her issues about sex. Deep down today I realized that we're just not sexually compatible, and its tearing me up. Sure, I have sex with her, cum , etc... but there has got to be passion there. Sex just doesn't feel natural. She just isn't feeling it in my eyes. She swears she is and not to worry about it, but I have to feel it with her. She has pretty much given up masturbating over a month ago and trying to feel\learn what works for her. I've put a lot of time, patience, and loving care to make her feel that I care how SHE feels while making love. I love her so much and she does me! I'm not afraid to admit it, but as I write this I have tears in my eyes. I just don't know the words to tell her that our relationship isn't going to work out. She quit her good job, moved, and took a $12k pay cut to be closer to me six months ago.. so I feel guilty about that. Sex should just not be this timid and quiet experience. Am I wrong? She asked me months ago to help her sexually, and I thought I have been doing that, and what she should do to help herself. I just don't see that happening. She tries sometimes, but it sounds really scripted. Outside of the bedroom we couldn't get along better. Lots of romance, going out, parks, music, sporting events, laughing, and a shit load of fun all the time. That part is PERFECT for both of us. She knows the sex part still isn't there. I haven't strayed with another woman in the year we've been together, though I've had a few opportunities. I'm considered a decent looking guy. I used to model clothes, was an amatuer racing cyclist, and still keep very fit lifting weights and cycling. Salt & pepper hair, 170lbs, muscular, and 5'10". Ok, average pecker I wouldn't have a problem, and haven't in the past hooking up with women. I love her so much and just haven't wanted to see anyone else this past year. I'm torn what to say to her........

My ex-wife would sometimes after a good oral session on her. I don't think is was necessarily because her orgasm was better than other times. I would say it only happened during the peak of our marriage when we were happiest, really in love, and her emotions were sensitive. Just my opinion.

HM2, You're more than welcome for any help I may have provided, though I never realized I was doing that. Being able to post issues and problems on here is nice without really being judged. I wish the best for you.