First off thank you all for you input!! Synirr - I do understand what you mean about it not just being in black in white ... and in my mind is kinda what I had been trying to tell him *that he is normal - because honestly it isn't the first time a friend has come to talk to me about something like this* But I think he just seems confused about the idea of why he has started to notice these urges just in the last few years. whiskeywoman - if I remember right ... he has been with his SO for about 2 years and a few months and he has noticed these urges/thoughts for about 3 years. I could be wrong though. Tyger - Yeah, like Synirr said, "Sexuality isn't always black, white, and grey -- it's a spectrum" so, I do understand that there won't be def yes he is gay or no he isn't until he makes his own decision. Also, I'm not sure if the urges have involved having the penetration be a penis, but I do recall him saying that he has thought about actually wanting to suck on a penis when he watches porn. Lastly, I couldn't agree with you more about talking to his fiancee' about his feelings/urges before getting married. Honestly though I think she has an idea about this, or she is realizing that he is a bit of the "freaky" side. Because she has fingered him once, and has tried to put a dildo in his mouth and butt, but since he doesn't know how she will react he just says "no" and they laugh it off. Again though, thank you all for your input and if anyone else does have any more advice or words of wisdom that I can try and pass along to him please feel free to add to this! ---also Tyger, I've always been the friend the people end up telling just about too much info to, so I'm kinda used to it and it doesn't really phase me at all. I kinda enjoy being like this because every now and again I learn something new from a friend that I get to try out with the hubby Now if only I can get him to be more open then we will be in business, but that is a whole nother post lol---