Shoop

thanks. A person that has watched too much porn and doesn't know what real boobs look like anymore. That kind of person could say something bad.

Actually I am, thanks very much for asking! TPBM is keeping a secret. Tell us!

Welcome to the board Badger.

I'm liking the shaving too.

that's true. I am. Tired of dealing with thinking about my ex and how he fucked up the way I view the world and myself. I am tired of dealing with that. TPBM is questioning their sanity at this moment.

well my best friend said later (while laughing) "men will let ANYONE touch their penis, won't they?"...not that that's true, but I think she was trying to comfort me. Thanks for the response.... Actually the conversation STARTED because we were debating the straight/gay/bi status of a few guys we knew in high school. One of my friends had had threesomes (in highschool in the late 80's...man, I wasn't doing that! And somehow when we counted I'd slept with more people than she did! Because she didn't have sex with them all, she just made out a lot, but I digress...i was shocked either way, I thought her "number" was WAY higher than mine!) with these guys and remembers the men touching eachother A LOT. My other friend said it was experimentation, and the first friend said that you don't do that kind of thing and remain straight. THAT'S how she brought my boyfriend in to the discussion. She TOO thought he was the straightest guy ever and assumed that he'd support her theory. Her point was one of those high school guys totally came out as gay, but we were debating what happened to the other one. Friend number one assumed that he also came out but friend number 2 said it could have just been experimentation.

K, I don't know why this shocked me a bit, but my best friend (in conversation) asked my boyfriend if he'd ever had any same sex contact (she expected him to say no, knowing him) and he said "qualify contact!" at which point my friend changed the subject. She later said that she'd not wanted to embarrass him by qualifying it but we both agreed that he'd done SOMETHING if he needed it qualified. I admit, this shocked me a bit. I know, i know, i don't know why it did, but it was just so unexpected....my ex, yes...I can imagine but my current boyfriend? He always seemed SOOOO straight (I've asked him "how straight are you" type questions before and have got NOTHING like this). Oh and later when questioned (once again by my friend, not me, but I was right there) he said that he'd not KISS a man but he'd let him touch his penis. K...seriously. Although in theory I find this hot, in reality it brings out some weird sort of fear in me. i can't explain it. Help. (no flames, just help) I dont' think he's gay. I don't really even think he's bi. I think he's probably just had experiences and possibly fantasies (I read that a certain percentage of straight men fantasize about other men some of the time). Heck, I've had the same and consider myself straight. And funny enough, gay porn is a big turn on for me. So why can't this idea turn me on rather than scare the fuck out me?

I went for "undecided". We did it for the...3rd or 4th time the other day. It was pretty hot, but really I have to be a little intoxicated still in order to do it. That might be a "bad thing" I don't know.

you can't even tell. Really.

WHEW! This is a huge one for me. I told my boyfriend the other day that I wanted to be EVERYTHING to him and he said that I should stop trying because it was impossible. True, I know, but it makes me sad. Luckily my man doesn't have a huge collection, but he does watch the dvd's he has with some frequency. How often I don't know (I purposely try to not keep track) but I do know that whenever I see "anal babes" in the dvd player I feel a flicker of deep sadness which I have to push away. I feel like I couldn't BE more sexual with him and sometimes I don't understand why he NEEDS porn. We have very frequent sex and yet he still uses it. Hm...at least we have frequent sex...with my ex he was like the poster a few up..he replaced our sex life with porn. I don't know if it's abnormal for men to watch porn. I think if it's available they'll watch it. So maybe that makes it normal... My BF is aware of my feelings to a SMALL extent but not entirely as I've chosen not to restrict him in this way. I mean, i'm not going to tell him I can't watch it. He knows that I don't really like watching it these days (I've gone through phases and I'm off it now) because I just can't help comparing myself to those perfect plastic women that are on the porn that is on tv on friday nights (when we'd watch it). He says that I shouldn't compare myself but it's sooo hard. Good news is the dvd he has (anal babes or some thing like that, lol) has REAL women, which is something I think is great! Do I feel he's cheating on me with porn? A bit, I guess. I mean, it's not interactive and that's good...but something about it still makes me sad. Maybe I just need to change my frame of mind. Knowing that I want to BE everything to him and SEEING that I am not makes me sad..but if I dont' try to be everything...well that'd be easier to deal with I guess. My problem is I don't know how to change my attitude.

Hey i have NO idea how their relationship is really. I know her, but not well. I am very open about talking about sex stuff with my friends, so I guess I am not totally shocked that she was talking to him about this stuff. Plus they are all on the younger side (23-26) and I think that that generation was brought up to be pretty open about talking about sex...right? Either way, I don't know if I want to take on the "you can't talk to your friends the way you want to or the way they want to talk to you" thing. I'm going to let that one go (since she was telling him about some thing in HER life, NOT TALKING SEXUALLY TO HIM if that makes sense, I'd freak if it was TO him) and trust him on that one. and yes, i think he probably forgot to tell me later or knowing him he just figured it had nothing to do with me and not being a gossipy girl type (like me, I tell him EVERYTHING about some of my friends) he logically thought "why would I tell her". (I did discuss that factor with him and told him if he'd told me I'd have KNOWN why he was texting with her and would have never checked his phone.

well that's what I said. If he could have TOLD me about the texts with Barb I'd not have been hit with red flags. But his answer is that he'd JUST found out about it THAT DAY (that Barb had been partner switching with his other couple friends) and he'd not had time to tell me (my grandma WAS there the whole time). I wonder whether he would of anyways (he generally is less talkative and doesn't tell me EVERYTHING whereas he knows EVERYTHING about what's happening in the relationship of MY girlfriends!). I did tell him that. I'm not sure that he was fantasizing about actually DOING it, I think he meant that he THINKS about it...like in fantasy...I mean my EX-H told me (when we had broken up or were breaking up actually) that he'd fantasized about "ALL of my friends". Not that that is ok, but that's what he said. So maybe men just DO THIS! Thinking about stuff like this is enough to make me want to be a lesbian, I tell ya. But in reality, I don't really want to do that either. LOL. It's just that I don't understand men.

just as i was thinking of letting this go...ulgh. The chick is an old friend of his. He has a bunch of friends who live 3 hrs away in his home town. She's one of them. Well DONT' all men fantasize about fucking other women? If it's just fantasy, it's ok...right? As long as it doesn't stray to DOING IT. I mean, I've been having NEAR DAILY fantasies lately about fucking my BF, Sidney Crosby and another rock star guy (yes all at once, they all LOOK similar and I think that's hot, LOL) for the past few weeks. So how is that any different from his fantasies? He wasn't really HIDING the text from me, it's just when I came in the room he didn't KEEP texting. He stopped and lowered his phone. I asked him WHY he'd not told me what was going on with BARB because if I knew I'd not have been suspicious. He said he just found out that day and when was he supposed to tell me? with my grandma standing right there? (she was). Hmmmm...

Hey, just to clarify I DON'T accuse men of cheating before they have, GENERALLY. I just mean in the past that is what they did, and then I'd find out about it. I don't do this to my boyfriend (Or I don't think I have...) but I guess in a way I did last night. And as for the fantasy thing, I ONLY told him that I fantasized about other men AFTER he essentially told me that he thought about other women. I said it as a "it's ok that you do it, because I do it too" type of thing. I wasn't trying to rub his face in it, i just wanted him to know that he wasn't ALL I think of, considering he'd just told me that I wasn't all HE thought of. That may sound vindictive, it didn't come out that way. Ok, so I just need to CHILL. Ok. Ok. That's IS really want I want to hear and want to do. I know, it's the low self esteem part of me that wants to be everything to him. I know it's unreasonable, i do. I even said that to him last night. I know, the fact that he's talking about parenting "issues" that we may have 10 years from now does not say to me that he's on the the way out. I know. I'm just scared. I learned (through leaving my marriage) that nothing lasts forever and so I guess part of me is just WAITING for this to end. I DO NOT "LIVE" that feeling nor do I 'SAY' it out loud (YOU GUYS are the first people to hear me say that) but I guess that's my deep down fear. Ok, crucify me. I probably deserve it because I sound like a nutcase. I'm aware.

K,admit-ably I'm a jealous person but I see it as watching out for myself since I've had a LOT of men cheat on me. So last night my boyfriend was sitting there with his cell phone and when I came in the room he sort of put it away and something in his body language put up red flags for me. Why didn't he want me to see what he was texting? So I casually asked "who are you texting?"...he responds with a female name that I know, an old friend of his. Let's call her Barb. I said ok, and went out for the night. When I came home later that night, we spent some time together, had sex etc and he went to bed. I wasn't tired so I got up to call my mom. Welllll she wasn't home and his cell phone was RIGHT THERE...and as much as I know it's WRONG I picked it up and read a bunch of the texts that this Barb had written him. (he'd deleted his sent mail) Seems that Barb had partner switched with another couple (other close friends, I've met them too) and she was telling my boyfriend about it and how it was causing all of these problems now. Then I read this one..."If you love Amber, don't do it". My hands started to shake. Don't do what? What is he considering doing? Oh fuck. I RAN upstairs and got him out of bed. I couldn't help it. I told him that I'd snooped (and apologized) and asked him what he was planning on doing.... He was angry about me snooping (understandably) and explained that he was REALLY thinking of doing anything, just that when she'd said that they'd partner swapped he said some thing like "that's cool, or that's hot or love to try that" or some thing and she responded with "If you love Amber, don't do it". (because her relationship is in a mess). Ok, reasonable explanation....and yet I'm still upset. Upset because I realized I'd cut him off and finished his sentence and now I'm hoping that I didn't give him an excuse (he paused at the part when he was telling me how he responded to barb's story, he said "and I said to her...I don't know...that's..." and I inserted "cool or hot or i'd like to try that".). I told him that I was worried that I'd done that and he insisted that was the jist of what he'd said and he said that YES he would like to do that kind of thing but he KNOWS that I'm not into it so that's why he's never said anything. He got into explaining that with men, sometimes there is someone you LOVE (me) and someone you want to FUCK (other women)...he knows he can ALSO FUCK me but it doesn't mean he doesn't fantasize about other women. He said that I have to trust him or we can't be together (I agree). I told him that I fantasize about other men too and I know fantasy is normal. I asked him how he felt about that and he said he doesn't care. I told him that I feel sad on one hand though because although I know fantasy is normal, i want to be EVERYTHING for him and I STRIVE to do that. I try to always look nice for him, I dress sexy, I am always there for him in the bedroom...SO many things. My ex lost interest in me, so i work hard to ensure that HE is less likely to. He said that it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to be everything for him. He says it's an an unattainable goal. Him fantasizing about other woman has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME or how I look or act. Really, i don't care if he thinks about other woman. I think that's normal. I guess I just don't FULLY trust him considering how we got together (he had a girlfriend, I was still married)...I told him that. We've discussed this many times, how this was our first time doing this (he insisted he'd never cheated on a girlfriend before)...anyways, so with my history of men cheating, plus how we got together, plus I know he has a high sex drive. I worry. I go off the deep end worry about stuff I tell you. I lay there last night and HE couldn't sleep because he could FEEL me worrying. Seriously. I was just laying there, but the worry was THICK in the silent air. He commented on it a few times. I finally took a sleeping pill. When I think about this, it's really all about nothing. IF I know everything. IF he's not hiding anything. Then it's really about his friends situation and an off the comment statement he made about liking to try that (which is a feeling a LOT of men have I'm sure). I mean, earlier in the night he'd looked after my sick 7 year old while I went out with my 5 year old to an event (meaning he does mundane parenting things for me) and later we'd had a discussion about how we may need to do "tough love" on my daughter when she gets older (in 10 years) and how he plans on making sure she is respectful and he's not going to let her walk all over us (she is a strong girl already at 5). So my point in saying this is he's often talking about things that we'll do in 10 years etc, so he's seemingly not planning on GOING anywhere...but still, I worry.... He can't understand why I worry so much. It's because I essentially left my ENTIRE LIFE for this man. I left my husband and left living with my kids full time (now I have 50/50). He said "you wouldn't have left anyways?" and I said that I probably would have ended up leaving IN TIME but not when I did. He sort of sped things up a bit I think...but had he not been around it probably would have taken me longer. So as shitty as that is for my ex and my kids, that's the hard core truth. So that's why this whole thing makes me that much more scared. It tears me up inside worrying that I left my family for nothing. I know I'm going off the deep end right now because according to him he hasn't even DONE anything....

K, silly question for the LONG MARRIED folks...and let me preface this with I DO NOT SEE THIS BEING AN ISSUE on my end, but those of you who know my shallow ex, this is why I ask this question...how do you deal with your partner getting OLDER in a world of ever-present young hot men/women (I guess I'm mainly talking to the men here) that you see everywhere...how do you remain attracted to your partner? I KNOW that probably sounds silly, however once again, I'm thinking about my ex and how he obviously would not be ok with me aging if he wanted to change my body through surgery at age 32. My current boyfriend (who is 10 years younger than I am) does not seem so shallow so I hope I don't run into these issues, however my ex situation sort of "sets me up to worry" if that makes sense. I know I for one will definitely always think he's hot. I know that because I know my personality....

I can't believe she said all of those things with my boyfriend in the same house either and I thought exactly the same thing HOW DISRESPECTFUL! And she had NO IDEA. I swear. Interesting comment on the programming....well my mom always DID SAY he was shallow... Sidebar: Once I got a christmas card from a friend of mine (whom the ex had never met) and pictured on the front was her entire family, 3 small children under 8 and herself and her husband. I showed him happily and said "this is my friend Barb that i always mention" and he looked at the pic and said laughingly "wow, what an UGLY family, the whole family is unattractive". NICE eh? SO I GUESS the fact that he was critical about me should be no surprise...

funny enough I know he THINKS he married me for those wonderful reasons too, however during our marriage (after I had kids) he started to feel like he didn't like my breasts as much. He said (in an EMAIL TO HIS FAMILY) that this was an AGE OLD THING MEN DEAL WITH...inferring that so many men go through this, and I guess many do...but in my opinion I like my boobs BETTER after babies, but he liked them better before. But ya, I see his point a bit...about the programming...and I think it's sad...it's too bad it really effected him though, because obviously so many people can still be attracted to their partners although they don't look like early 20's porn stars.

awh, aren't you cute! I love that!!!!

...after a few years are STILL SOOOO attracted to your partner? How long have you been together? I've been with my boyfriend for not quite 3 years and I am still so insanely attracted to him. I know this tends to go away ("they say") however I'm hoping it won't, and am looking for ways to keep it alive. So far the things I DO for him is shave, lots of bj's and generally treat him very nicely. (there are many more things but I think those are important to him so I'm just listing the select few). For me, he occasionally shaves (which I like, only since him, never had anyone else do it), cooks me lots of yummy, healthy meals and gives me "boob orgasms" whenever I'd like (something we came up with, I never had them with anyone else). What do you do?

welcome to the board.

I have my own opinion here, but i'm curious to what you all think...Plus I'd like you to debate the validity of his arguement...ARE men programmed so that they only are accepting of unrealistically shaped women? Is it the media's fault and not men's? So that friend of mine that keeps upsetting me sent me an email the other night telling me about how she saw the ex at a sporting event (our kids go together) and how she likes him more and more the more that she see's him and how great he is with the kids (true)...then she said that she had a thought of "playing cupid" with us but then stopped herself. I wrote her back and said a few things, but basically said "please respect my decision"... Well after the short email I sent her back (I think she "got" my message) she wrote back again today. I think at least by reading it that I now know that the ex takes some responsibility? What do you guys? Well in a way....I mean he infers that it's not his fault because he's "programmed" however even him realizing THAT is something, don't you think? (K, even after typing this out I've done some deeper thinking on this so I'll reserve what i think for later, i'm curious what the general feel from you guys is...) K, here's her second email back to me (after I shortly said "respect my decision and not too much else)...(I CHANGED HIS NAME TO 'THE EX' where she put his name, fyi). Sorry about the match-making fantasy. I completely understand. I want to clarify, your ex is not for me either just cause I said I like him more and more, I meant I like him for you. BUT, he's not right for you, I got it now for good , I understand and I will not push this any farther. I just like the way I've seen him treat you and your/his kids. You know me, I'm a hopeless romantic. My marriage could never work, so I want other people's to have a shot. I meant no harm or disrespect - pls. accept that. I guess I didn't spend enough time getting to know your boyfriend. I will make more of an effort to get to know him K! So I was reading a magazine at ballet last class and there was this ridiculous photo of this model riding a bike in the sexiest undies with her perfect touche hanging out and I said, "Yeah, we all ride bikes like that." And THE EX looked at my mag and said, "see that's why men are all screwed up, cause we're programmed from a young age with these unrealistic images of women." Then he says in this regretful tone, "I wish I could reprogram myself - it just ruins things" OK, I thought instantly of you and I think he meant me to tell you his feelings? Maybe not, but my gut says yes, it was definitely a message for you. Oh yeah, he was also telling me how hard having two kids by himself was for him, I just kept thinking he was trying to get me to deliver all these comments to you or talking to you through me??

it's just harder to see. Although I did SEE it, it was very confusing because he was also VERY loving in so many ways. So I couldn't (and often still can't) jive the guy that wanted me to cut myself up because he didn't like my shape to the guy who told me that he loved me so much he wanted to crawl inside my body and curl up. That very paragraph there makes me very sad.

thanks tyger, excellent response...you are so right...

ok, just read THIS part of your post (secondary post) and this doesn't apply to me at all. But the initial post did.