LostInKY

Hi everyone I am a newbie here but I've already gotten some very much needed and appreciated help from this ppl here. I love this place and I swear never to abandon this site. I think it can help any couple no matter how good they think they are together, you can always learn more. I can't wait to get into the toys here, getting excited

Thank you, everyone here is so great! Last night after we started relaxing a showed him everything and he did pretty good. We're going to talk about it more after he gets home from work tonight. He said he wanted some time to think about it so he knew how to say the right things. He did say he was hurt by the fact that I had to wait as long as I did and then come on here before I talked to him so I tried to explain that it wasn't something he should be hurt by it was something I had to do not because I couldn't trust/talk to him about it but because I needed advice and help on the subject. I think he understands more now.. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE on here, you're all great!!!! Oh my honey also asked me to thank you Shortstuff02 SO "THANKYOU"

Thank you so much for all your help. It's nice to talk to someone who can relate to my past first hand. I hate the sympathy I get from some ppl... "I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor" <--- my grandma says that. He'll be home in a few hours and I'll talk to him then... Wish me luck and guts

What do you think about me showing him everything on here, do you think it would help or hurt?

For over 3 years it was just a completely abusive relationship during which I recieved countless bruises, black eyes and fat lips, a broken toe, broken rip, and fractured thumb and it ended up with the Jackass kneeing me in the face until he had broken 3 bones in the right side of my face, I had surgery and now have 2 metal plates and 4 screws in the right side of my face. You'd never guess from seeing me and I'm slowly working through it. I do the same thing you did, I close my self off about it and have my own little world. The broken face happened in Sep. 07 and I didn't leave the Jackass till April 20, 08. I just started having nightmares about it after the last court date about 2 months ago and it's not fair, I thought I was free of him completely. My fiance knows a good bit about what did happen to me but not all the details. The sexual abuse wasn't severe but it happened enough to effect me and when I really start to think about it and face the facts I know it does still interfere with my life in some ways, this being one. Anal is a completely terrifying thing for me because I've had 2 ex's that were completely obsessed with it and when they got the chance for it they wouldn't stop. I think in time I could try it again, but it still scares me and makes me nervous. I know my fiance is a very different guy then them, he is a true man but I still can't help being skeptical about it. I'm contemplating showing my fiance what I've written and what I've gotten in response to everything on here and see what he thinks about it. I love him to death it's just hard to talk to him sometimes because he's not very open emotionally, but maybe this could be a break through. I truly think he just believe that I don't want anything different, I would never complain because he is amazing in bed (I just want it to be equal for him, so he's just as happy, I really don't know how he feels about anything) but I know it would be good for both of us and our relationship to do more in the bedroom.

Thank you for the welcome... I really like this place and everyone is so nice to me. I know I can't let my past interfere with my present and that they are two VERY different people which is why I'm more thanw illing to make things work and even do most of the work to "fix things. But what do I say to him to get him to know what I'm thinking and that I am ok with new things with out us having to go into a huge discussion. I'm willing to try anything once and more if I enjoy it. I'm speechless when it comes to trying to find the words to say to him about it. I've been trying to work on it for a few weeks and haven't gotten anywhere, my mind just goes blank and I decide not to say anything at all.

I need advice on how to improve my sex life. I have an incredible fiance who I love very much and he loves me... blah blah blah.... I've always been a little timid in the bedroom. I had an abusive ex who kinda messed things up for me and now I need to get a move on and figure all this out. I know my fiance would like to be doing a lot more "fun" things in the bedroom, not sure what but the signs are there, but he doesn't say anything about so it never changes. He's a few years older than me and I know he's MUCH more experienced and that kind of, well no really intimidates me. Any time I do feel like something crazy I always hold back... I don't want to look like an idiot or completely suck at what ever it is so we just don't do anything new at all. So what do I do to get started and figure out what I should be doing to make things more fun???? How do I talk to him or get him to know that I would like to do more without going into a huge discussion and feeling completely embarrassed? He's not a big talker on anything emotional/important so it makes it even harder to talk about this. PLEASE HELP

Thank you for the advice, your example made it easier to think about. I completely understand what you mean about all of it but how do I really start talking to him? What things should I say? I don't know what to say to have him understand exactly what I mean with out feeling like and idiot and getting into a huge discussion over it, which I'd rather not do. He's only 4 years older than me but it still makes me feel a little insecure since I know he has had a lot more experience than me. Thats also a "problem" with it... he's not horrible at anything, he's amazing which just makes me more insecure. I know he'd like to have more fun and do more in the bedroom but he never says anything about it to me. I think he may just think I enjoy only missionary and don't want to do anything else, but truth is I'm just too nervous to say or do anything about it. QUOTE (Rob @ Nov 11 2008, 01:43 PM)LostinKY, First, congrats to you for recognizing some of your issues are due to a bad relationship. Moving forward starts with recognizing the root of our issues. You are not alone. Many women are in your same situation. Telling you the answer is simple. Working thru it will be a little challenging but if you keep working on it, you will get there! Confidence. You just need more of it. You need to be able to say and do without worrying about your fiance looking at you in a bad way. Here is just a few things to help you: 1. Talk to your fiance - You might not be ready to sit down at the kitchen table and have a talk, but you might want to slowly make small comments in his ear during your foreplay/sex. This will start to get you and him to open up to one another. Be mindful of his reaction when you make these comments. 2. Understand men. For the most part, we are easy to please. I am guessing he would very much welcome your desire to improve your sex life. Say your fiance was horrible, at let's say, oral sex. If he told you he loved doing it and wanted to get your advice on how he could do it better, how would you feel about him? I am guessing you would be less concerned about him not being good at it, but loving the fact he was eager to please! See my point? 3. Don't give up. Baby steps. As long as you are making small steps forward you are improving your sex life and gauranteeing these problems will soon be in your past! Best of luck to you and your fiance! Rob

I need advice on how to improve my sex life. I have an incredible fiance who I love very much and he loves me... blah blah blah.... I've always been a little timid in the bedroom. I had an abusive ex who kinda messed things up for me and now I need to get a move on and figure all this out. I'm sure my fiance would like to be doing a lot more "fun" things in the bedroom, not sure what but the signs are there. He's a few years older than me and I know he's MUCH more experienced and that kind of, well no really intimidates me. Any time I do feel like something crazy I always hold back... I don't want to look like an idiot or completely suck at what ever it is so we just don't do anything new at all. So what do I do to get started and figure out what I should be doing to make things more fun???? PLEASE HELP