Kama

For those that wonder, these young men and I come from a sexually repressed country. We grew up in the states, but our parents like to instill traditional eastern values. One of those values is for women to be virgins and abstain fron pre-marital sex. Since our parents don't educate us on what healthy sex is, we come out confused. I also came from a family that believed that all men are dogs and will cheat if you don't do everything they want sexually. I don't want to believe in such nonsense.

Thanks for the replies! Yes, the "boys" in college were not mature. I'm not around people like that anymore, but the thought came up in my head today. This is a good forum to clarify any sexual misconceptions. I just recalled that I'm also willing to accept a man that doesn't like to give oral sex. It's nice to be gone down on, but I certainly wouldn't label him "bad in bed" or feel the need to cheat on him.

Before I start, let me tell you that I was one of those women that didn't have healthy male role models. I'm not a man, so that's why I'm asking some of you on what your opinion is. Forgive me for sounding naive. When I was in college, I had some male acquaintances say that a woman sucks in bed if she can't take anal sex. I asked them "What if she's really good at other things, like oral, etc?" They said "She still sucks. Being good at anal is what makes her good in bed. If a woman really loves sex, she likes anal." The man I was dating in college also said to just take the pain during anal sex. I then found out that he cheated on me for the reason that I couldn't "take anal sex properly." I'm open to anal sex, as long as it's comfortable and my partner is gentle. I'm not repulsed by the idea, but I don't want to be in pain either. I've tried butt plugs, and they feel fine. It's just that the man I dated in college was too rough. My questions are: Do you agree with what the guys I met said? That a woman automatically sucks in bed based on how well she takes anal sex? Will you feel unsatisfied if your partner isn't into anal sex and feel like you have to get it elsewhere? Are you okay with your partner being in pain and uncomfortable during sex? I would like to think that a healthy and loving male partner wants his woman to feel pleasure as well.I would like to think that partners would respect each others' limits. I certainly would feel terrible if my partner was in pain, so I don't understand why my ex had no remorse for me being in pain during anal sex. Luckily, the most recent man I dated wasn't pushy about anal sex. I had suggested it to him to spice up the sex life, but he wasn't too interested. He was also placed much importance on making me feel good. Even if vaginal penetration started to hurt due to dryness, he would pull out and didn't want to me feel uncomfortable.

LadyLove-I hope my statements didn't come off as too generalizable! I don't know much about divorced adults, but I could understand why the rules might be more laid-back and less judgmental about early sex. I also read older women are less likely to secrete oxytocin. The oxytocin debate has been debunked, but I do see truth in myself having clouded judgment after sex.

I'm not sure. I've noticed that happily married people or those in committed relationships understand the benefits of waiting. It's only been single people that have shunned the idea.

Chloe- I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I'm really happy that you all have been supportive. Even if a friend disagrees with my choices, being supportive is what's important to me. I'm responsible for my happiness and my future, and I need to stick to what I believe will help propel that.

That's the thing Wendy. Having sex too soon doesn't guarantee that your boyfriend is going to marry you and give you a lifetime of happiness. I waited about 2-3 months before having sex in my last relationship. Considering that some people do wait until marriage or engagement, I don't think that's insane. The friend that was urging me to have sex after a month is someone that's very promiscuous. She would have sex right away and then wonder why men would flake on her. If you're out to have fun and nothing else, easy sex is great. If I'm out of find lasting love, I wouldn't want to take the risk.

Ha, I do notice the older generation of males are proponents of waiting. I think my situation is more common than we would think, but most people don't advertise to it.

LadyLove-I respect that some women are okay with having sex early, but I was a little frustrated at her not understanding my reasons for waiting. If I'm looking for a serious partner that I would like to marry someday, I've had better luck with getting to know the person first.

Thank you fore the response, ladylove. Being 100% ready is key. If your gut feeling says don't do it yet, then I would rather obey that. In my last relationship, my partner was okay with me waiting. My female friend, on the other hand, was urging me to have sex with him. I'm not comfortable with having sex just because a female friend wants me to.

First off, I'm not judging those that like to have sex within the first few dates. I'm okay with different things working with different people. But, I've noticed that there seems to be a lot of animosity in today's culture towards that that would rather wait a few months to have sex. What's wrong with wanting to fall in love before having sex? What's wrong with wanting to develop a strong sense of emotional and mental intimacy? What's wrong with getting to know the person that you might give up your body too? What's wrong with taking pleasure in the passion and sensuality building up? What's wrong with assessing to see who is serious and who is not? Am I a minority in feeling this way? I've heard people scoff and say "no man would wait that long","The girl must be a prude and a control freak", or the woman that waits must be tormenting the guy. I've had female friends tell me that I'm being insane by waiting. In reality, I've seen men that will wait for the women that theyr'e crazy about. A man that respects you doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable by pressuring you to have sex that you're not ready for. I've seen couples that have waited end up in happy marriages with lasting intimacy. The period of waiting a few months to have sex certainly wasn't torture. Some couples do genuinely enjoy a passionate kiss or just being in each other's company.

I heard when you're properly aroused, your vagina expands. If you're tense or not fully aroused, it tightens. Years ago, my ex said it would even hurt HIM when he entered me. All I know is that being too tight for me has caused painful sex. I don't personally buy the "The more sex partners you have, the looser you will be."

5-15 min, but I wish it were longer. When I was younger (pedos back off), it would last for 30 minutes. Was it b/c I was new to it and young? As an adult, I can cum pretty quickly. Anyone know about that?

^I had an ex (a different one) that also thought putting his hands down there was dirty. He said he never masturbated, because he thought it was gross and felt it was homosexual. Seriously.

Here's an experience. When I was 18, I dated a guy that came from a very conservative and religious family. When I told him that giving oral sex is my favorite act, he reacted with disgust. He thought it was gross to put your mouth down there and that it was degrading. His male friends felt the same way. We talked for a good 30 minutes trying to argue the opposing viewpoint. I said it wasn't degrading, because I liked it. It's just a sex act that people get pleasure from. He only changed his mind when he actually experienced what a blowjob felt like. After that, his views changed. In other ways, he still retained some conservative viewpoints. He didn't like using food (like whip cream) during sex, because he thought he was disrespecting food. That sucked for me, because I like using some flavor every now and then. Just wanted to share. Anybody else dated a man that was against receiving oral sex?

So, for me- 1) A 3-some where I'm wildly attracted to the people and get an amazing orgasm from it (I've had 3-somes before, but I didn't come). 2) A girl on girl experience with a huge breasted slim girl (for some reason, I'm into huge breasts). Can't think of anything else.

I can't speak for everybody, but I've seen men lose interest or take things for granted when they finally get what they want. Women can be the same too. People want you more when they can't have you or get what they want from you. There are couples where the woman is enthusiastic about giving oral sex, but the guy doesn't appreciate it, still finds a way to criticize her sexual performance, or still cheats her. So, what's the point? It's like whatever you do is not good enough. When I hear men complaining about how their wife doesn't give them this or that, it makes me think "The grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side." . Maybe it's human nature to find fault with everything, no matter how good things are. Who knows.

Edit.

Don't see anything wrong with it. I'm glad it helped your self-steem and you had fun for awhile. But, I can see how it would decrease your sex drive and it would get monotonous.

Can someone explain why? I'm not really sure I get it. Because they're selling sex? As for customers being seen as "desperate," I disagree. I have known bi-curious women and couples that would rather pay for a gorgeous escort than go to a bar to find someone that's not their type. If you're not looking for a relationship or want to go through the hassle of finding the right f*ck buddy, I guess I can understand why you would resort to "adult services." What does everyone else think? Do you think there's something wrong with this whole deal?

Thank you for the kind words and insight, mikayla! I'm reading your articles right now. :)Like you, I had the gut feeling that these kind of men are dangerous, BUT people invalidate you and tell you that their behavioral is normal and caring. In the meantime, there's nothing like being your own best lover..I will probably have to look into that kit.

It''s too much for a little girl. The girls are great dancers, but it could have been toned down. As for the girls' parents saying "it's not a big deal", my only guess is that they're in denial and don't want to see that their daughters are portrayed in a sexual way. Or even worse..they actually think it's okay. Eek. I think this is everywhere. It's just that other cultures maybe more secretive about it, and preach morality on the outside. There was a recent documentary about how they make 12 year old boys prostitutes in Afghanistan.

Depending on the person and what medication you're on, this is common. I've experienced a decrease in libido or difficulty getting physically aroused on SOME medications (lexapro, celexa). Other medications don't have an effect on me, such as prozac, cymbalta, etc. From what I know, people just switch medications and try to find one that doesn't decrease their libido.

I'm really sorry to hear that, Mikayla. He does sound like a monster. I'm glad you were able to recover and leave. I don't mean to go off track, but while it's good to hear that are some patient and caring partners..It also brought back flashbacks of exes that said "A girl who can't take anal sex is a wimp. Other girls don't complain. What's wrong with you?" I internalized what they said, and let them penetrate me when in pain. I kept hoping the pain would go away, but it obviously wouldn't given the conditions. Chances are other girls that they were with might have done the same thing. Just kept quiet when in pain. It felt like being ripped apart, but I was being blamed for feeling that way. I'm glad to know that the truth was that they themselves weren't doing it right. It was all about what felt good to them, and not me. Like you said, if anal sex hurts..it's not being done right. Who is the one penetrating? The guy. If it's not being done right, the girl shouldn't be soley blamed for experiencing pain.

I completely agree Tyger, but I had the unfortunate experience of being with males that didn't realize this. I had an ex that thought a woman was a wimp if she couldn't take aggressive anal sex. I'm glad I'm not the only woman that prefers anal play when lubed and relaxed. Has anyone else has the experience of a male partner trying to pursue aggressive anal sex with you without any lubrication, foreplay, etc?