DrKitten

This indicates to me that BDSM may just not be for you. Either that or your relationship is just not at the point where you're comfortable enough to do these things. BDSM is something that you're into almost instinctively, or it takes a lot of trust, communication, and warming up to it gradually before getting into the hardcore stuff. Talk to her and let her know that you need some patience and guidance. It's great that you're generous and eager to please, but this is a very new world to you and you need to go at your own pace. If she genuinely likes you, she will be happy to teach you the ropes at your own speed. After some time, you'll either get into it or just feel the same hesitation as you do now. And that's fine, it's not for everyone. But if that happens, you'll have to bring this up to her, and decide together if you want to compromise or find other people more suited for yourselves.

I have never been married, but I can't help but think if you're not willing to put effort into the relationship, why be in a relationship at all? It's different if someone has a medical issue, of course. (Christopher Reeve and his wife still had sex though!) But it just seems downright selfish to just give up because you're not interested or don't feel its worth the effort. Marriage and sex isn't all about yourself, it's also about your partner.

I've never used toys during sex with another person my ex always said he just wasn't "into them" and didn't see the need to bring out devices when we had our bodies to please each other. Sigh, I'm so glad to be out of that.

I'm a newly single girl from California, out of a very vanilla relationship and wanting to explore my wild side. This seems like a fun community, can't wait to get to know you all. I have one question for the mods: I'm working on my own sex info and product review site, would it be okay to link it in my signature? I looked around but couldn't find an answer anywhere. Thanks!

LOL! That is fantastic.