I'll give you a little background.. I have been married for 10 years and I have always been timid about trying new things I guess you could say. I often felt that some things were "dirty" and I felt embarressed. I could not finish just from sex and I felt oral was just dirty. He would want to so I let him, but never really relaxed to enjoy it. We discovered toys a few years back and finally I could have an orgasam during sex if we use a toy along with it, but mainly in the spooning position. Sure I like other ones okay, but nothing really "gets me there" It sure isn't for a lack of trying because he is wonderful and would do just about anything,but it was always me and my mind telling me "good girls" don't do that or whatever. Anyway, so that is the back story. Fast forward now he is deployed (army) and has been for almost 7 months. He is coming home for R&R in 3 weeks and I have bought quite a few toys. I have done some reading online and am learning I am not so "broke" as I thought and I am quite normal actually with not being able to O just from sex alone. I always felt bad and wondered what was wrong w/ me. We have never tried anything anal at all, but I am open to it. I have learned over that last 7 months that life is SO short and I shouldn't be embarresed.. he is my husband and we love each other so whatever we want to try is up to us. : ) I got some anal beads, and a small finger type thing that goes on the partners finger and in your rear. Eventually I would love to try anal sex, but that scares me.. I feel he is larger.. I figure we can start with the playing and go from there. I got the anal ease as well.. I also really would like to finish with him giving me oral andI know he would love this. So my questions are this.. how can I relax and not think about exacty what is happening.. I tend to let my mind think about it too much and it still kinda grosses me out.. I find it sexy, but at the same time just kinda.. ick. So ladies or guys when you are getting (or giving) oral do you use your fingers and your mouth or a toy and your mouth.. is there something I can do to try to relax.?? Would it be easier if I have an O first from sex and then maybe the second time around try to finish with oral? I have also pretty much been one and done before now. Not that my husband didn't want me to have more, but often it takes so long for me to have one, Ijust feel like why bother again and it is quite sensitive right after and almost hurts to touch so I never wanted to keep trying to have another. Now through self play I have discovered in fact I can have more than one.. : ) Self play was something I also never really did before because I felt "good" girls didn't do that. BUT 7 months is along time.. ; ) We also webcam reguarly on yahoo and I have let him watch me while I fully please myself. This is something I want to try with him in the room, but I am really nervous I will chicken out. Second question, one of the things I would like more than anything is for us to both O at the same time facing each other.. looking at each other and kissing.. typically I have to be in spooning position and then we can't see each other or kiss. Is there a trick or type you can give me? I bought a wedge pillow.... so maybe an angle or something slightly different that would help? I am hoping someone has been in this situation and can tell me.. of course we will play around and try to figure it out, but tips would be helpful. Sorry this was all over the place, but basically over the last 7 months I have came around to some new opinions on things and I am more than willing to try this all when he is home. We hae talked about it and actually told each other our fantasies on yahoo.. it is quite exciting, but I guess I need some tips and suggestions on what we can do to help me along with this. I actually ordered almost $200 in toys.. a rabbit, cock rings, some anal toys, the wedge pillow, a blindfold, tie ups.. ect. I actually can't believe I am posting this, but I am just going to hit submit. : )